The Iron Knight

voices that seemed to echo across the emptiness of time, and dropped from the sky to attack.

I drew my sword, startled by how cold the hilt was, and slashed at the first creature, cutting through a spindly neck. It shrieked and collapsed on itself, the hole in its chest seeming to draw it in. Crying, it was sucked into its own black hole, and I leaped back as the rest of the flock descended on me all at once.

I stumbled, my limbs heavy with cold, and one of the creatures struck out with a furry talon, catching my shoulder and ripping a gash down my chest. Pain erupted through me, greater than any I’d felt before, and I clenched my teeth to keep from screaming. My body wasn’t moving as it should, too clumsy and awkward, as if it belonged to someone else. Another creature slashed at me as I retreated, striking my face and leaving deep claw marks across my cheek.

Half-blinded by pain, I lurched backward, bringing up my arm to unleash a hail of ice daggers into the swarm. If anything, it would at least slow them down. But as I swept my hand out as I had done thousands of times before, nothing happened. Only a few spits of ice, instead of the deadly flurry I was used to. Stunned, I opened myself up to my glamour, trying to draw it from the air as I’d always done.

Nothing. No glamour, no magic, no swirling emotions or colors. I felt a deep stab of terror and loss as I backed away, trying to think. Had a binding been placed on me, locking away my glamour? Was there a seal over the area, preventing magic use? I realized with horror that it was none of these. Even through a binding or a seal, I would have been able to sense my glamour. I felt only emptiness. As if I had never had magic in the first place.

In the split second my guard was down, one of the creatures pounced on me with a snarl, driving us both to the ground. I felt teeth in my shoulder before I plunged my blade through its throat and it was sucked into oblivion. But the other creatures swarmed around me, shrieking, clawing, biting and kicking. I struck out with my weapon, slashing wildly from my back, and several creatures vanished into themselves. But there were always more, tearing and ripping, almost frantic as they pressed in, their shrill voices echoing all around me. I felt jaws crush my arm, hooked talons in my stomach, gouging it open. I felt my flesh being torn away, my blood misting in the air and streaming to the ground. I tried to get up, to make one last stand, to live, but the pain suddenly drew a red-and-black curtain over my vision, and I knew nothing more.

AND THEN, IT WAS OVER. I was lying on the cold stone floor of the castle, whole and intact, the Guardian gazing down at me. From the corner of my eye, I saw Puck and Ariella peering on anxiously, but the pain streaming from every part of my body made it difficult to focus on anything.

“I failed.” The words were bitter in my mouth, the weight in my chest threatening to crush me. But the Guardian shook its cowled head.

“No. You were never meant to survive that, knight. Even had you killed the first wave, they would have kept coming. No matter what you did, or how long you stood against them, they would have torn you apart in the end.”

I wanted to ask why. Why I’d been spared. Why I wasn’t dead yet. But, through the pain and the confusion and the shock of still being alive, my mind was still reeling from everything that had just happened. The strangeness of my own body, suddenly weak and awkward, refusing to move as it should. The blinding pain, the agony I couldn’t shut out as I used to. And the complete emptiness I felt when I tried to use glamour was worst of all.

“This is what a mortal body feels like,” the Guardian continued, as if reading my thoughts. “It is physically impossible for a human to move as you do. Their bodies are clumsy and tire easily. They are susceptible to cold, weakness and pain. They cannot draw on any magic to aid them. They are, in the end, quite unremarkable. Strength is the first thing you must give up if you wish to gain a soul.”

The Guardian paused, allowing time for that statement to sink in. I could only lie there, panting, as my mind recovered from the shock of being torn apart. “The first trial is over,” the Guardian intoned. “Prepare yourself, knight. The second begins at dawn.”

When it disappeared, Ariella hurried over and knelt beside me. “Can you stand?”

Wincing, I struggled to a sitting position. My wounds were gone, I was alive, but my body still blazed with pain. Taking her hand, I let her pull me to my feet, clenching my jaw to keep the gasp from escaping. “I didn’t realize … how fragile humans really are.”

“Well, duh.” Puck strolled over, not quite able to mask the worry on his face. “I could’ve told you that. Though some are stronger than others. Or more stubborn.” He crossed his arms, giving me an appraising look. “You okay, ice-boy?”

I didn’t answer. Turning from Ariella, I ignored her offered arm and limped away, down the long corridors, back to my room. They followed silently, at a distance, but I didn’t turn to look back. More than once, I nearly fell but forced myself to keep going, without help.

In my room I collapsed on the bed, cursing my strange, unfamiliar body and the weakness that came with it.

How am I going to protect her like this? How can I protect anyone like this?

Puck and Ariella hovered in the doorway. A part of me wanted to tell them to leave, hating that they saw me weak and helpless. But, my whole life, I had pushed others away, closing myself off to the world and everyone around me. It had brought me nothing but more pain, despite my attempts to freeze everything out. That was why I was here, after all; I was trying to become someone else.

I shifted to my back and put an arm over my face, closing my eyes. “I’m not going to throw icicles if you step through the door.” I sighed. “So you can stop lurking and come in already.”

I felt them pause, imagined them exchanging glances, but then footsteps padded into the room. Ariella perched on the edge of the mattress, laying a soft hand on my arm. “Are you in a lot of pain?” she asked.

“Some,” I admitted, relaxing under her touch. “It’s getting better, though.” And it was, the fire beneath my skin ebbing away, as if my body finally realized it was whole and healthy, not torn apart on a desolate peak.

“What happened up there, ice-boy?”

“What do you think happened?” I lowered my arm and sat up, scrubbing a hand over my eyes. “I lost. I can’t use glamour, I can’t move like I used to. My head was telling me to move a certain way, to go faster, and I couldn’t. I got cold, Puck. Do you know what that was like, when I finally realized what was happening?” I leaned forward, raking my hands through my hair, shoving it back. “I would’ve died,” I said softly, reluctant to admit it. “If the Guardian had left me there, I would have died. Those things would’ve torn me apart.”

“But you’re not dead,” Puck pointed out. “And the Guardian didn’t say you failed. At least, we weren’t tossed out on our ears. So what’s the problem, ice-boy?”

I didn’t answer, but Ariella, who was watching my face, drew in a quiet breath. “Meghan,” she guessed, making me wince. “You’re worried about Meghan, how she’ll react to seeing you like this.”

“I can’t protect her like this,” I said bitterly, clenching a fist, fighting the urge to punch the mattress. “I’m useless—a liability. I don’t want her to feel she has to constantly watch out for me, that I can’t hold my own anymore.” I sighed in frustration and leaned back, thumping my head against the wall. It was satisfyingly painful. “I guess I didn’t realize what being human really meant.”

You do not know the first thing about mortality, prince-who-is-not. The Bone Witch’s voice echoed in my head, mocking me with its smugness. Why would you want to be like them?

Puck snorted. “And what, you think that if you’re human you can’t protect anyone?” he asked, crossing his arms and glaring at me. “That’s a load of crap. How did you think you were going to protect her while she was in the Iron Kingdom, prince? I thought we were here to get you a soul, so you could be with her without your skin melting off. Are you telling me, now that you’re more human, you don’t want to be with her?”

I glared at him. “You know that’s not what I meant.”

“Doesn’t matter.” Puck loomed over me as if daring me to argue. “The way I see it, there are only two options here, iceboy. You can be a human and be with Meghan, or you can be fey and not. And you’d better figure out what you want real fast, or we’ve wasted our time here.”

Ariella stood. “Come on,” she told Puck, falling back into an old tradition. Since the three of us had known each other, she had always been the peacekeeper. “Let’s let him rest. Ash, if you need us, we’ll be close.”