guns get out.
I don’t see anything.
I’m in this moment with this man.
Are you ready?
Are you ready to speak the truth?
Or do you want to wait until the black angel joins us on the ice?
“D-d-don’t d-do this. D-don’t d-d-do this.” His voice drops half an octave, keeps the imperative, but loses the
Much more effective.
A call to prayer in the wilderness.
We Cubans are the vagabond descendants of the Muslim kingdom of Granada. We appreciate that kind of thing.
A call to prayer. Yes.
The dogwood minarets.
The ice lake sajadah.
The raven muezzins.
“How d-did it c-come to this?” he asks, crying now.
How did it come to this?
2 BLOODY FORK, NEW MEXICO
The future paid a shivery visit to the back of the car. I woke, half opened my left eye. A yellow desert. Morning. I let the eyelid fall. Blackness. But not the blackness of negation. Nothing so fortunate. Merely the absence of light. Too hot to sleep. Too uncomfortable, too much background noise: radio in the front cab, annoying chitchat, stones churning against the bottom of the vehicle like lotto balls.
I felt weak, my bones ached, my jeans and sneakers were drenched with sweat.
The Land Rover rattled over a bump on the coyote road, the engine grumbling like an old horse.
No, no point trying to sleep now. I removed the cheap plastic sunglasses, wiped the perspiration from my forehead, rubbed at the dirt on the rear window.
Vapor trails. Red sun. Hot air seething over the vast expanse of the Sonora. No cacti, no shrubs. Not even a big rock.
Where were we? Was this a double cross? Easiest thing in the world, drive half a dozen desperate wetbacks to the middle of nowhere, kill ’em, rob ’em. Happens all the time.
I turned to look at Pedro, our driver. He caught my eye in the rearview, nodded, and gave me a tombstone grin. I nodded back.
“Yes, we’re across,” he said.
We crunched into a pothole. Pedro grabbed the wheel and cursed under his breath.
“Keep your eyes on the road,” someone said.
“What road?” Pedro replied.
I wasn’t sure I’d heard him correctly.
“We’re across the border? We’re in the United States?” I asked.
“For the last kilometer,” Pedro confirmed. Both of us waited for any kind of emotion from the others. Nothing. No one applauded, cheered, reacted in any way.
Most of them had probably done this journey dozens of times. Pedro, however, was disappointed. “We made it,” he said again.
I peered through the window and wondered how he could be so sure. It looked like fucking Mars out there. A thin brown sand worrying itself over a bleached yellow ground. Nothing alive, all the rocks weathered into dust.
“The land of Frank Sinatra, Jennifer Lopez, Jorge Bush,” Pedro was saying to himself.
“Thanks for getting us over,” I said.
Pedro tilted the mirror down to look at me. He gave me an ironic half smile. My friend, I don’t do this dangerous job for praise, but I certainly appreciate it.
I’d made my first mistake. Now Pedro had singled me out in his mind as a classy sort of person, different somehow from the others. Someone with enough old-fashioned manners to say thank you. That, my demeanor, and my odd accent-all of it more than enough to burn my way into his consciousness.
Keep your mouth shut in future. Don’t do anything different. Don’t say a goddamn word.
I stole a look at him, and of course all this was in my head, not his-he was far too busy. The windshield wipers were on, he was smoking, he was steering with one hand, shifting gears with the other, while repeatedly scanning the radio, tapping the ash from his cigarette, and touching a Virgin of Guadalupe on the dashboard every time we survived a pothole.
He was about fifty, dyed black hair, white shirt with frills on the collar. The M19 spiderweb tattoo on his left hand meant that he’d probably feel bad about leaving us for the vultures but he’d do it if it came to that.
The kid looked at me. “United States?” he asked, pointing out the window.
“What’s the matter with you, don’t you speak Spanish?” I was going to say but didn’t. He was an Indian kid from some jungle town in Guatemala. His Spanish probably wasn’t so great.
“Yeah, we’re across the border.”
“So easy?” he asked, his eyes widening. He, at least, was impressed.
“Yeah.”
He craned his neck through the glass I’d cleaned.
“United States?” he asked again.
“Yes,” I insisted.
“How?”
From what I’d been led to believe we were somewhere on a sovereign Indian nation that didn’t allow fences, or the border patrol, or even the local cops. Law enforcement was done by the FBI and they had to come in specially from Austin or Washington, D.C. It had been a coyote road for years.
“We just drove over,” I said with a smile.
The kid nodded happily. He was the youngest of us. Sixteen, fifteen, something like that. Sweet little nonentity.
He and I and three others jammed into the back of the ancient Land Rover. Seats opposite one another. No way to stretch your legs out. Empty chair next to Pedro but he wouldn’t let anyone sit up.
I drifted for a bit and felt drool on my arm. The old man from Nogales was napping against my shoulder. I wiped the spittle with my T-shirt sleeve.
Yeah. Five of us. The Indian boy, me, the old man, a deaf woman from Veracruz, and a punk kid from Managua who was sitting directly across from me, pretending to sleep.
Didn’t know any of their names. Didn’t want to know.
I stared through the window at the sameness.
So hot now the air itself was a gigantic lens distorting the landscape, bringing distant mountains dizzyingly close, warping the flatland into curves.
I pressed my face against the glass. Time marched. The heat haze conjuring ever more intense illusions from the view. The yellow desert: a lake of egest. The cacti: dead men crucified. The birds: monstrous reptiles from another age.
I watched until nausea and vertigo began to zap my head.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes and for the hundredth time since that last interview with Ricky I wondered what exactly I was doing here. Revenge is a game for
