My Jane Austen Summer: A Season in Mansfield Park

'Someday we'll all be famous and we'll be able to say we got our start at Literature Live.'

'Good-bye, Lily,' he said.

I floated away from him without a backward glance, hopeful that he appreciated the bounce in my step, wondering if I still had whatever it was he found interesting.

*   *   *

At the pub, I drank lukewarm ale and struggled to follow the heavily accented reading of an Indian woman's story about a long distance e-mail relationship. But I kept zoning out and returning to the attic. Maybe I should have waited one more day before returning. The fellow workshop writers took the reading very seriously so I followed their cue to know when to laugh, which was not often. Although we occupied a cozy back corner of the pub, people were coming and going, chairs scraping the wood floor just beyond our gathering.

I looked behind me once and my stomach jumped because Willis was there, standing at the edge of the group. Suddenly, the room was alive and breathing. Our eyes met and I gestured for him to bring a chair to our crowded table but he shook his head and squinted toward the reader. I understood him to mean he would wait for a break, not disrupt the reading. I turned back to the front but could not concentrate knowing Willis was watching me from behind. At the next break I would help him move a chair and we'd sit together. The idea of being a couple excited me. I loved the pub, loved the sound of the woman's voice reading, the smell of food cooking somewhere in the back.

But the reading went on and on. My Jane Austen yawned and left the room. I cautiously turned to check on Willis. He looked bored. Pages kept turning and I strained my eyes at each turn, looking for white space in the manuscript that would indicate the end. No one else seemed the least bit aware that this woman was going on way too long. I found a chair with my eyes and visually relocated it to my side. Better yet, Willis and I could sit at an outlying table by ourselves.

I was busy imagining all the reasons Willis might have decided to join me there when the woman's pace suddenly became halting. She read a few more words and then looked up, smiling shyly. She had reached the end. Everyone clapped and I immediately turned to join Willis. But he wasn't there. Searching the pub, he wasn't near the bar, didn't come out of the men's room. He wasn't anywhere. He'd vanished. I walked back to my dorm alone but instead of fretting about Willis, pondered how we would heat water to make tea.

Ten

The next day, I waited nervously for Nigel, mentally rehearsing my disclosure of Claire's plot to undermine the organization with her grant proposals. As I waited, I carefully tracked Claire's covert activities, noting each mission to the copier, watching as she loaded her stapler, determined not to miss anything. My Jane Austen sat in the corner oblivious, reading Jane Eyre. The memory of Willis standing at the back of the reading room interrupted my reconnaissance efforts at ten-second intervals. Why had he left the reading?

By the time I returned from my chore of planting a water bottle at the podium for the speaker lecturing on 'Edmund's Multiple Incumbencies,' Nigel's office door was open and Vera was leaning over his desk, dropping multicolored capsules into a pillbox. The pillbox doors for the various days of the week were open like baby bird beaks and Vera dropped pills, shutting each door as she went.

'It's Lily.' She smiled.

'And how is our favorite reader today?' Nigel asked, looking especially tired.

Me? 'I'm fine,' I said, remembering how my mother's medicine all disappeared when Sue arrived.

'You look worried,' Vera said. 'Is everything okay with your tea party?'

I closed Nigel's door, cutting Claire off; then folded my hands and took a breath as they both watched me, concerned. 'I heard yesterday that Magda is seeking university affiliation for this festival,' I whispered.

Vera picked up another prescription container and Nigel leaned back in his chair.

'We know,' Vera said, and then pointed at Nigel. 'You see?' She shook her head and dumped pills into her palm. 'I've been telling him,' she said to me, shrugging. 'He won't listen to anything I say. I think we need to act —now.'

'I refuse to bother a sick woman,' Nigel said, rubbing his eyes.

'She's not sick, she's dying,' Vera said, passing him the refilled pillbox.

'All the more reason.' Nigel shut the pillbox in his desk drawer.

'All the more reason.' Vera stood. 'If you won't go with me, I'll take Lily.' Vera looked at me. 'Lily understands business. Did you know Lily has a real estate license?'

'I don't have a license,' I said, rolling my eyes.

'I'm sorry, Nigel,' Vera said, fluttering a hand, 'but I'm not about to stand by and watch the ship go down with you in it. Lily, we'll need to prepare a new lease,' Vera said. 'Ask Claire for a fresh copy.'

Right. I wasn't asking Claire for anything.

*   *   *

When everyone was gone for lunch I acted against my better judgment and began the impulsive walk that would end in the attic. I had second thoughts upon reaching the second floor. What was I doing? But as I stood outside the door to the attic stairwell, preparing to disappear myself, the click of a latch and the squeaky whine of door hinges resonated down the hall. I was nailed. Sixby called out to me from his room.

'Ah, 'tis the sun,' he said. 'Just the starlet I wanted to see. Come,' he beckoned, reopening his door. 'I have something for you.'

I scurried down the hall. Fearing Willis would choose that moment to emerge from the attic stairwell, I entered Sixby's room more willingly than under normal circumstances. Costumes lounged on horizontal surfaces and his wardrobe stood open displaying a poster of the Royal Shakespeare Company's Romeo and Juliet.

'What happened to you?' he asked, gracing my hand with a theatrical kiss—didn't mean anything. 'I haven't seen you around.' My Jane Austen flipped through the little black date book on his table.

'I've been working in the office,' I said. Claire was probably looking for me now, hands on her ample hips, wondering how her work would get done with me running around the festival like Fanny Price on Prozac. 'And I'm organizing a tea-theatre.' I described the plan, knowing I needed him to play a part, working up to the request, keeping my back to his unmade bed. 'Since Magda won't allow me in her production, I'll just have to produce my own.'

'Lily, let go of what happened on the stage,' he said.

'Magda says she's not paid to teach me to act.'

'The words of Mercury are harsh after the songs of Apollo.' Sixby looked down at me, dark roots visible along his hairline. 'So I'll help you.' Willis would never highlight his hair. 'First thing is: the Book.' He pointed.

Books had piled up in here just like in every other room in the great house. I lifted one from the stack on the floor. 'Where did all the books come from? I've never seen so many outside of a library.'

'Nigel's dead friends.'

'That's nice.'

'AIDS, you know.'

I dropped the book back on the pile.

'Mostly English teachers and writers, some theatre people. Great collection of books but some of it's getting a bit dated. Ah, but not this one,' he said, pulling the very small book from a pile on the shelf. 'Acting.' He handed it to me. 'Thank me no thankings.'

Ancient and frayed, the cellophane cover disintegrating, the book fell open and stayed flat in my hand, no resistance left in its binding. A previous reader had underlined the soft yellowed pages in pencil, and its smell reminded me of my lost childhood books. 'Isn't it funny,' I said, 'how old books smell the same?'

Sixby took the book and sniffed. 'A rose by any other name.'

'It doesn't matter what library they come from,' I said. 'They all smell the same.'

'Lily, you may be on to something.' Sixby handed the book back. 'But after you finish smelling it, give this