“Look, don’t stress. I’ll sort it all out as soon as I come home.”
“He said he was going to have to take extreme action! He said he was very sorry, but enough allowances had been made, and—”
“They always say that,” I say soothingly. “Suze, you really don’t have to worry. I’m going to earn loads over here. I’ll be loaded! And I’ll be able to pay everything off, and everything will be fine.”
There’s silence, and I imagine Suze sitting on the floor of the sitting room, winding her hair tightly round her fingers.
“Really?” she says at last. “Is it all going well, then?”
“Yes! I’ve got a screen test tomorrow, and this guy wants to give me my own show, and they’re even talking about Hollywood!”
“Hollywood?” breathes Suze. “That’s amazing.”
“I know!” I beam at my own reflection. “Isn’t it great? I’m hot! That’s what the guy from Blue River Productions said.”
“So — what are you going to wear for your screen test?”
“I’m just off to Barneys,” I say happily. “Choose a new outfit!”
“Barneys?” exclaims Suze in horror. “Bex, you promised me you weren’t going to go overboard! You completely promised me you were going to stick to a budget.”
“I have! I’ve completely stuck to it! It’s all written out and everything! And anyway, this is a business expense. I’m investing in my career.”
“But—”
“Suze, you can’t make money unless you spend it first. Everyone knows that! I mean, you have to spend money on your materials, don’t you?”
There’s a pause.
“I suppose so,” says Suze doubtfully.
“And anyway, what are credit cards for?”
“Oh Bex…” Suze sighs. “Actually, that’s funny — that’s just what the council tax girl said yesterday.”
“What council tax girl?” I frown at my reflection and reach for an eyeliner.
“The girl who came round this morning,” says Suze vaguely. “She had a clipboard. And she asked loads of questions about me, and the flat, and how much rent you paid me… we had a really nice chat. And I was telling her all about you being in America, and Luke… and your TV job…”
“Great,” I say, not really listening. “That sounds really good. Listen, Suze, I’ve got to run. But honestly, don’t worry. If anyone else phones for me, just don’t take the call. OK?”
“Well… OK,” says Suze. “And good luck tomorrow!”
“Thanks!” I say, and put down the phone. Ha-ha-ha! Off to Barneys!
Barneys. I’ve kind of been saving it for last, like an extra-special chocolate. Now, as I push through the distinctive black revolving doors and walk slowly across the pale mosaic floor, looking at all the beautiful people peering into cabinets full of contemporary jewelry… I feel like Goldilocks picking the right chair. The music is buzzy and the atmosphere is great, and everyone looks like they’re having a great time…
For a while I linger at a cabinet with a stunning aquamarine crystal necklace in it. I’d look just like a mermaid in that. I wonder how much it is? I’m just peering to see the price tag when an assistant approaches — and I come to with a jolt. I’m not here to buy a necklace. I’m going to buy what I need.
Feeling virtuous, I force myself to move away from the cabinet. Down to business. I study the store guide, then I take the escalator up to the top floor of the store, glimpsing tanks of fish, cages of brightly colored birds… and everywhere I look, gorgeous clothes.
Oh God, the clothes. They are just the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen! Everywhere I look, I see shapes and colors and designs I just want to grab and touch and stroke. But I can’t just spend all day marveling at candy- colored knitwear and beaded mules. I have to be focused. An outfit for tomorrow, nothing else.
Right. So what exactly do I want? Maybe a jacket, so I look authoritative — but it has to be the right jacket. Not too boxy, not too stiff… just nice clean lines. And maybe a skirt. Or just look at those trousers. They would look fantastic, if I had the right shoes…
I wander slowly round each floor, making mental notes. Then at last, when I’m sure I haven’t left anything out, I start collecting all my possibilities. A Calvin Klein jacket… and a skirt…
“Excuse me?”
A voice interrupts me just as I’m reaching for a sleeveless top, and I turn in surprise. A woman in a black trouser suit is smiling at me.
“Would you like any help with your shopping today?”
“Erm… oh, thanks!” I say. “If you could hold these…” I hand her the garments I’ve already picked out and her smile flickers slightly.
“When I said help… we’re running a unique promotion of our personal shopping department today. We’d like to introduce the concept to a wider audience. So if you’d like to take up the offer of an introductory session, there are some slots still available.”
“Oh right,” I say interestedly. “What exactly would that—”
“Our trained, experienced personal shoppers can help you find exactly what you’re searching for,” says the woman pleasantly. “They can help you find your own style, focus on designs that suit you, and guide you through the daunting fashion maze.” She gives a tight little laugh, and I get the feeling she’s said this little spiel quite a few times today.
“I see,” I say thoughtfully. “The thing is… I’m not sure I really need guiding. So thanks very much, but —”
“The service is complimentary,” says the woman. “Today we’re also offering tea, coffee, or a glass of champagne.”
Champagne? Free champagne?
“Ooh!” I say. “Well, actually — that sounds really good. Yes, please!”
And actually, I think as I follow her to the third floor, these trained shoppers must really know their stuff — and they’ll probably have a completely different eye. They’ll probably show me a whole side of myself that I’ve never even seen before!
We arrive at a suite of large dressing rooms, and the woman shows me in with a smile.
“Your personal shopper today will be Erin,” she says. “Erin has only recently joined us, so she will be receiving some occasional guidance from a senior Barneys shopper. Will that be all right?”
“Absolutely!” I say, taking off my coat.
“Would you prefer tea, coffee, or champagne?”
“Champagne,” I say quickly. “Thanks.”
“Very well,” she says with a smile. “Ah, and here’s Erin.”
I look up with interest, to see a tall thin girl coming into the dressing room. She’s got straight blond hair and a small, kind of squashed-looking mouth. In fact her whole face looks as though she were once squeezed between a pair of lift doors and never quite recovered.
“Hello,” she says, and I watch her mouth in fascination as she smiles. “I’m Erin — and I’ll be helping you find the outfit to best suit your needs.”
“Great!” I say. “Can’t wait!”
I wonder how this Erin got her job. Not by her taste in shoes, certainly.
“So…” Erin looks at me thoughtfully. “What were you looking for today?”
“I have a screen test tomorrow,” I explain. “I want to look kind of… smart and sassy, but approachable, too. Maybe with a little witty twist somewhere.”
“A witty twist,” echoes Erin, scribbling on her pad. “Right. And were you thinking… a suit? A jacket?”
“Well,” I say, and launch into an exact explanation of what I’m looking for. Erin listens carefully, and I notice a dark-haired woman in tortoiseshell glasses occasionally coming to the door of our dressing room and listening too.
“Right,” says Erin, when I’ve finished. “Well, you certainly have some ideas there…” She taps her teeth for a moment. “I’m thinking… we have a very nice fitted jacket by Moschino, with roses on the collar…”
