need. If I just start removing things at random my whole system will collapse.
Come on. Think laterally. There must be a solution.
Maybe I could… secretly fix a trailer onto the car when Luke isn’t looking?
Or maybe I could wear all my clothes, on top of each other, and say I’m feeling a bit chilly…
Oh, this is hopeless. What am I going to do?
Distractedly, I wander out of my room and into the hall, where Suze is handing a padded envelope to a man in uniform.
“That’s great,” he says. “If you could just sign there… Hello!” he adds cheerfully to me, and I nod back, staring blankly at his badge, which reads: Anything, anywhere, by tomorrow morning.
“Here’s your receipt,” says the man to Suze, and turns to leave. And he’s halfway out of the door, when the words suddenly start jumping about in my mind.
Anything.
Anywhere.
By tomorrow—
“Hey, wait!” I call, just as the door’s about to slam. “Could you just hold on one sec—”
PARADIGM BOOKS LTD
695 SOHO SQUARE
LONDON W1 5AS
Ms. Rebecca Bloomwood
Flat 2
4 Burney Rd.
London SW6 8FD
4 September 2000
Dear Becky:
You may remember, when we spoke two weeks ago you assured me the first draft of your book would be with me within days. I’m sure it’s on its way — or has it possibly gotten lost in the post? Maybe you could send me another copy?
As far as the author photograph goes, just wear whatever you feel comfortable with. An Agnes B top sounds fine, as do the earrings you described. And thanks for sending me a Polaroid of your orange sandals — I’m sure they will look great.
I look forward to seeing the manuscript — and again, let me say how thrilled and delighted we are that you’re writing for us.
With all best wishes,
Pippa Brady
Editor
PARADIGM BOOKS LTD
Helping you to help yourself
COMING SOON! Jungle Survival by Brig. Roger Flintwood
Three
AT FIVE TO TWELVE the next day I’m sitting under the bright lights of the Morning Coffee set, wondering how much longer we’ll be. Normally my financial advice slot is over by eleven forty, but they got so engrossed with the psychic who reckons she’s the reincarnated spirit of Mary Queen of Scots that everything’s overrun since then. And Luke will be here any minute, and I’ve still got to change out of this stuffy suit…
“Becky?” says Emma, who’s one of the presenters of Morning Coffee and is sitting opposite me on a blue sofa. “This sounds like quite a problem.”
“Absolutely,” I say, dragging my mind back to the present. I glance down at the sheet in front of me, then smile sympathetically at the camera. “So, to recap, Judy, you and your husband Bill have inherited some money. You’d like to invest some of it in the stock market — but he’s refusing.”
“It’s like talking to a brick wall!” comes Judy’s indignant voice. “He says I’ll lose it all, and it’s his money too, and if all I want to do is gamble it away, then I can go to…”
“Yes,” interrupts Emma smoothly. “Well. This does sound quite a problem, Becky. Two partners disagreeing about what to do with their money.”
“I just don’t understand him!” exclaims Judy. “This is our one chance to make a serious investment! It’s a fantastic opportunity! Why can’t he see that?”
She breaks off — and there’s an expectant silence around the studio. Everyone’s waiting for my answer.
“Judy…” I pause thoughtfully. “May I ask a question? What outfit is Bill wearing today?”
“A suit,” says Judy, sounding taken aback. “A gray suit for work.”
“What kind of tie? Plain or patterned?”
“Plain,” says Judy at once. “All his ties are plain.”
“Would he ever wear, say… a polka-dot tie?”
“Never!”
“I see.” I raise my eyebrows. “Judy, would it be fair to say Bill is generally quite an unadventurous person? That he doesn’t like taking risks?”
“Well… yes,” says Judy. “Now that you say it, I suppose he is.”
“Ah!” says Rory suddenly, on the other side of the sofa. Rory is the other presenter of Morning Coffee. He’s very chiseled-looking and is great at flirting with film stars, but he’s not exactly the Brain of Britain. “I think I see where you’re going here, Becky.”
“Yes, thanks Rory,” says Emma, rolling her eyes at me. “I think we all do. So Becky, if Bill doesn’t like risk — are you saying he’s right to avoid the stock market?”
“No,” I reply. “Actually, I’m not saying that at all. Because maybe what Bill isn’t quite seeing is that there’s more than one kind of risk. If you invest in the stock market, yes, you risk losing some money in the short term. But if you simply tuck it away in the bank for years and years, an even greater risk is that this inheritance will be eroded over time by inflation.”
“Aha,” puts in Rory wisely. “Inflation.”
“In twenty years’ time, it could well be worth very little — compared to what it would probably have achieved on the market. So if Bill is only in his thirties and wants to make a long-term investment — although it seems risky, it’s in many ways safer to choose a balanced stock market portfolio.”
“I see!” says Emma, and gives me an admiring look. “I would never have looked at it like that.”
“Successful investment is often simply a question of thinking laterally,” I say, smiling modestly.
I love it when I get the answer right and everyone looks impressed.
“Does that help you, Judy?” says Emma.
“Yes,” says Judy. “Yes, it does! I’ve videotaped this call, so I’ll show it to Bill tonight.”
“Oh right!” I say. “Well, check what kind of tie he’s wearing first.”
Everyone laughs, and I join in after a pause — though I wasn’t actually joking.
