the moment, so he thought he’d go and help out. Before the baby comes.”
“Oh right. And you didn’t go with him?”
“Well, it would have been a bit risky.” Suze stirs her raspberry tea thoughtfully. “And the thing is, I’m not quite as interested in sheep as he is. I mean, they are really interesting,” she adds loyally. “But you know, after you’ve seen a thousand of them…”
“But he’ll be back in time, will he?”
“Oh yes. He’s really excited! He’s been to all the classes and everything!”
God, I can’t believe in a few weeks’ time Suze will have a baby. I won’t even be here.
“Can I touch?” I put my hand gingerly on Suze’s stomach. “I can’t feel anything.”
“That’s all right,” says Suze. “I expect it’s asleep.”
“Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?”
“I haven’t found out.” Suze leans forward earnestly. “But I kind of think it’s a girl, because I keep being drawn to all these sweet little dresses in the shops. Like a kind of a craving? And they say in all the books, your body will tell you what it needs. So, you know, maybe that’s a sign.”
“So, what are you going to call her?”
“We can’t decide. It’s so hard! You know, you buy these books, and all the names are crap…” She takes a sip of tea. “What would you call a baby?”
“Ooh! I don’t know! Maybe Lauren, after Ralph Lauren.” I think for a few moments. “Or Dolce.”
“Dolce Cleath-Stuart,” says Suze thoughtfully. “I quite like that! We could call her Dolly for short.”
“Or Vera. After Vera Wang.”
“Vera?” Suze stares at me. “I’m not calling my baby Vera!”
“We’re not talking about your baby!” I retort. “We’re talking about mine. Vera Lauren Comme des Brandon. I think that’s got a really good ring to it.”
“Vera Brandon sounds like a character off Coronation Street! But I like Dolce. What about if it was a boy?”
“Harvey. Or Barney,” I say after a little thought. “Depending on whether it was born in London or New York.”
I take another sip of hot chocolate — then look up, to see Suze gazing at me seriously.
“You wouldn’t really have a baby in America, would you, Bex?”
“I… I don’t know. Who can tell? We probably won’t have children for years yet!”
“You know, we all really miss you.”
“Oh, not you, too, Suze.” I give a half-laugh. “I had Mum on at me today to move back to Oxshott.”
“Well, it’s true! Tarkie was saying the other day, London just isn’t the same without you.”
“Really?” I gaze at her, feeling ridiculously touched.
“And your mum keeps asking me if I think you’ll stay in New York forever… you won’t, will you?”
“I honestly don’t know,” I say helplessly. “It all depends on Luke… and his business…”
“He’s not the boss!” says Suze. “You have a say, too. Do you want to stay out there?”
“I don’t know.” I screw up my face, trying to explain. “Sometimes I think I do. When I’m in New York, it seems like the most important place in the world. My job is fantastic, and the people are fantastic, and it’s all wonderful. But when I come home, suddenly I think, Hang on, this is my home. This is where I belong.” I pick up a sugar packet and begin to shred it. “I just don’t know whether I’m ready to come home yet.”
“Oh, come back to England and have a baby!” says Suze wheedlingly. “Then we can be mummies together!”
“Honestly, Suze!” I take a sip of chocolate, rolling my eyes. “Like I’m really ready to have a baby!” I get up to go to the ladies’ room before she can say anything else.
On the other hand… she has got a point. Why shouldn’t I have a baby? Other people do — so why not me? I mean, if I could somehow bypass the actual having it bit. Maybe I could have one of those operations where you go to sleep and don’t feel anything. And then when I woke up I’d have a baby!
I have a sudden pleasant vision of Suze and me walking up the road together, pushing prams. That might be quite fun, actually. I mean, you can buy loads of gorgeous baby things these days. Like cute little hats, and tiny denim jackets… And — yes — doesn’t Gucci do a really cool baby sling?
We could have cappuccinos together, and walk round the shops, and… I mean, that’s basically all mothers do, isn’t it? Now that I think about it, I’d be perfect at it!
I must definitely have a chat with Luke.
It’s not until we’re leaving Oriel that Suze says, “So, Bex, you haven’t told me anything about the wedding!”
My stomach gives a little swoop, and I turn my head away, under the pretense of putting on my coat.
I’d kind of managed to forget about the whole wedding issue.
“Yes,” I say at last. “Well, it’s all… um… fine!”
I’m not going to bother Suze with my problems. I’m not.
“Was Luke all right about you getting married in England?” She looks anxiously at me. “I mean, it didn’t cause a rift between you or anything?”
“No,” I say after a pause. “I can honestly say that it didn’t.”
I hold the door open for her and we walk out into Sloane Square. A column of schoolchildren in corduroy knickerbockers is crowding the pavement, and we stand aside, waiting for them to pass.
“You know, you made the right decision.” Suze squeezes my arm. “I was so worried you were going to choose New York. What made you finally decide?”
“Er… this and that. You know. So, erm… did you read about these new proposals to privatize the water system?”
But Suze ignores me. Honestly, isn’t she interested in current affairs?
“So what did Elinor say when you called off the Plaza?”
“She said… erm… well, she wasn’t pleased, of course. She said she was very cross, and… er…”
“Very cross?” Suze raises her eyebrows. “Is that all? I thought she’d be furious!”
“She was furious!” I amend hurriedly. “She was so furious, she… burst a blood vessel!”
“She burst a blood vessel?” Suze stares at me. “Where?”
“On her… chin.”
There’s silence. Suze is standing still in the street, her expression slowly changing. “Bex—”
“Let’s go and look at baby clothes!” I say hurriedly. “There’s that really sweet shop on the King’s Road…”
“Bex, what’s going on?”
“Nothing!”
“There is! I can tell. You’re hiding something.”
“No, I’m not!”
“You did call the American wedding off, didn’t you?”
“I…”
“Bex?” Her voice is as stern as I’ve ever heard it. “Tell me the truth.”
Oh God. I can’t lie any more.
“I… I’m going to,” I say weakly.
“You’re going to?” Suze’s voice rises in dismay. “You’re going to?”
“Suze—”
“I should have known! I should have guessed! But I just assumed you must have called it off, because your mother kept on organizing her wedding, and no one said anything about New York, and I thought, oh, Bex must have decided to get married at home after all…”
“Suze, please. Don’t worry about it,” I say quickly. “Just stay calm… breathe deeply…”
“How can I not worry about it!” cries Suze. “How can I not worry? Bex, you promised me you were going to sort this out weeks ago! You promised!”
“I know! And I’m going to. It’s just… it’s been so difficult. Deciding between them. They both seemed so perfect, in completely different ways—”
