He staggered sideways, everything in front of him blurry. He had to sober up, somehow. He’d been all right in the bar, he’d been fine there, no problem, it was the walk in the cold fresh air outside that had done it.
A chunk of time was missing. There was a blank from when he went into the bar to now, walking down the corridor towards his office. He couldn’t remember saying goodbye to the reporter. When had she gone?
How much did I drink?
It hadn’t been that much, surely? Just a few beers – then he’d moved on to whisky on the rocks. Just a couple of whiskies, just enough to relax him, that was all. Christ. Empty stomach, that was the problem, he realized. Skipped lunch after seeing Dr Rosengarten. It was now – he looked at his watch – ohmygod – almost a quarter after ten. He’d been with the reporter for over three hours. Not like I was having an affair or anything. I was only talking to the woman. Trying to get her to write a good piece, one that would help me get funding – that’s all I was doing.
Except. Something dark inside his head was stalking him, something elusive was shadow-boxing him, taunting him. It was the sense that something was wrong, that he had made a terrible error. He hadn’t made a pass at her, nothing as crass as that – although he had some memory of escorting her to the car park and some clumsy clashing of their lips when she’d suddenly darted her head forward to kiss his cheek, he had thought.
But that wasn’t what was worrying him.
He unlocked his door, switched the light on and put the cup, which was now less than half full, on his desk, and sat down more heavily than he had intended, sending his chair trundling back on its castors.
He checked his voice mail, and there was a message from Dr Rosengarten, received at ten to seven, the curt nasal voice of the obstetrician informing him he was returning his call, and was about to leave his office for the day.
John felt cheered up by the fact that he had at least bothered to return the call – and had done so personally. He would try him again in the morning. He ran through the rest of his messages; there were a couple from earlier in the day that he hadn’t yet listened to, both from Sweden. One from a friend from Uppsala University, who was coming over to Los Angeles this fall, and another from his mother, chiding him for not calling her to tell her how the visit to the obstetrician went today. It was now early morning in Sweden; too early to call either of them.
He hung up and checked his email. Over a dozen new ones since he had gone out to the bar, but nothing that looked important. Nothing from Dettore.
Bastard.
Suddenly he looked around, puzzled, aware that the room did not feel right. There seemed to be something missing, but he couldn’t figure what. Or maybe it was just that the photographer had messed some things around.
His cellphone rang, startling him. It was Naomi. She sounded so scared, so vulnerable. ‘Where are you?’
‘Offish. In the offish. Jush leaving.’ I got you into this, he thought. Anything that happens is my fault. ‘I’m sorry – been tied up – I had to do shish interview – she knows you – still feel like going out? A Mescixian – ah – Mexican? Or some shush – sushi -?’
He was aware he was slurring his words but there was nothing he could do about it.
‘John, are you all right?’
‘Sure – I – I sh – shhhure-’
‘Are you drunk? John – you sound drunk.’
He stared at the receiver, helplessly, as if waiting for some guidance to come out of the ether. ‘No – I-’
‘Have you spoken to Dr Dettore?’
Very slowly, taking great care over each word at a time, John said, ‘No. He – heesh – I’ll try in – in – morning.’
Oh Christ. John closed his eyes. She was crying. ‘I’m coming darling – I’m – on way home now.’
‘Don’t drive, John. I’ll come and collect you.’
‘I could – cab – call cab.’
After a few moments, her voice sounding more composed, she said, ‘I’ll collect you. We don’t have money to burn on cabs. We can pick up a takeaway. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.’ Then she hung up.
John sat very still. He had a bad feeling; that shadow in his mind was growing. There definitely was something missing in this room. What the hell was it?
But that wasn’t the source of the bad feeling. Nor at this moment was it Dr Rosengarten’s diagnosis, nor the fact that Dettore was unavailable. He was fretting about what he had said to the journalist. Trying to remember exactly what he had said. She was a nice lady, kind, sympathetic, fun to be with. He sensed he’d been a bit indiscreet, said a bit too much, more than he had intended.
But it was off the record, wasn’t it?
19
Naomi’s Diary
I can’t sleep. John is snoring like a hog. I haven’t seen him drunk like this in a long time. Why did he get so smashed? Sure, we’re both upset by Dr Rosengarten, but getting drunk like this doesn’t solve anything.
And he had lipstick on his face.
I spoke to my mother and to Harriet. Both of them rang, wanting to know how it went today. I told them that the obstetrician was happy, that everything was fine. Harriet lent us her entire savings – what could I say to her? That everything is fine except – oh, yes – one small detail – it’s not a boy, it’s a girl?
Surely the gender genes are the easiest of all the genes to manipulate? As I understand it, females have two X chromosomes, males an X and a Y. Separation of these is being done around the world in the most primitive of labs. If Dr Dettore can’t get even this simplest element right, what assurances do we have about everything else we’ve discussed with him?
And, just supposing that everything else is fine, what problems would a girl have with the genes we’ve selected? We asked for our child to be six foot tall because we had a male in mind. We chose height and physical build for a male.
It’s all wrong.
John is pretty certain Dr Rosengarten has made a mistake. It’s possible – I didn’t like the man and he wasn’t interested in us. As John said, we’re just little people to him, we don’t matter.
God, I hope he has made a mistake.
And there’s something else that’s on my mind. Sally Kimberly. He says she told him we were friends. That’s rubbish. It’s true that we worked together, and normally I get along with most people. But she was a bitch. Hard as nails. We disliked each other intensely and made no bones about it.
In fact, there are very few people I’ve ever disliked quite so much as Sally Kimberly.
And now her lipstick is on John’s face.
20
Naomi was awake; John could hear the faint crushing sound of her eyelashes as she blinked. The light from his alarm radio seemed intense, bathing the room with a spectral blue glow that was irking him. Outside in the distance a siren skirled, a familiar mournful solo, the discordant music of a Los Angeles night.
His head was pounding. He needed water, tablets, sleep. Desperately needed sleep. He swung his legs out of the bed, carried his empty glass to the bathroom, ran the cold tap, swallowed two Tylenol and padded back into the room.
‘What’s going to happen to us?’ Naomi said suddenly as he got back into bed.
John felt for her hand, found it, squeezed it, but there was no pressure back. ‘Perhaps we should think
