Tale of the Murda Mamas

Carter climbed into the bed and spooned Miamor from the back.

“I can’t keep you,” she whispered. “I’m all fucked up. I can feel it. My face isn’t the same. Everything about me is fucked up. My body, my face, my heart, my soul.” She spoke so low that Carter could barely hear her.

“You can’t keep me away from you, ma,” Carter said, his lips gracing her ear. He stood up and retrieved a mirror from the vanity. He brought it over to Miamor.

Her hands shook as she reached for the antique handle. When her face came into view, she had to put her hand over her mouth to stop herself from crying too loudly. She could not bear to look at herself. Her face was almost unrecognizable. The left side of her face suffered a broken jaw, and was healing, but remained swollen and bruised. The blood vessels near her left eye were permanently damaged, and a green bruise would always remain near her temple, not to mention the many cuts that marred her once smooth skin. Everything that she loved about herself was non-existent. All of her perfect features were destroyed. “How can you even stand to look at me?” she asked as she tossed the mirror aside. “I’m not even the same woman you used to know.” Now, her face reflected the way she had always felt inside… ugly, scarred, and bruised. She had always felt like damaged goods.

“Miamor, you’re beautiful, ma. Everything about you is beautiful,” Carter whispered as he climbed back in bed with her, holding her tight. “Do you know how fucked up I was when I thought I’d never see you again?” Miamor didn’t answer, so he continued. “I was lost, ma. You were made for me. These scars show you’re a fighter. You’re supposed to be dead right now, but you’re not. Your body will heal, Miamor. You just have to give it time. But I love you for what’s inside you. You’re my lady, forever,” he whispered as he took her hand and held it up for her to see. He knew that she had been in so much pain lately that she never even realized that he had slipped a diamond ring onto her finger. She gasped when she finally noticed it. “Be my wife.”

Miamor was sobbing so hard that she could not form the words to respond. Carter kissed the back of her neck. “I don’t want to see you cry, ma,” he whispered. “I know you love me, Miamor, but you refuse to let me all the way in. Trust me. Let me protect you. Let me see all of you.”

“You won’t like what you see,” Miamor admitted with sorrow in her tone.

Carter’s lips made their way south as he kissed from the back of her neck to her shoulders, to her back, and further on. He parted her legs and slipped his tongue between her thighs.

The intense pleasure temporarily erased her pain as a sigh escaped from her lips. “You don’t really know me,” Miamor moaned as she allowed him to kiss her inner thigh. She could see the top of his head as he slowly traced the creases of her vagina with his tongue.

“Teach me,” he responded. He pulled her southern lips apart, revealing her pearl. “Trust me,” he said as he took it into his mouth, causing Miamor to squirm underneath him. “Marry me,” he whispered as his tongue made love to her clit, plucking it like a delicate flower.

The heat from his mouth drove her crazy, and her eyelids closed in ecstasy. Her love for this man was so deep, that from the very first time she saw him, she knew he was her Achilles heel. He was one of the few people who had actually ever gotten her to feel. She experienced emotions with him that she never knew existed. He had found her and nursed her back to health. He loved her despite her appearance, but she was not sure that he would accept her once he found out who she really was. Her soul rained as teardrops graced her cheeks. Her cry was inaudible, but her heart was bleeding for the love that she needed, but she knew that it was one she could never have.

Carter worked her over until she came in his mouth. Her love came down like a waterfall, and Carter licked her clean, sucking her clit until her legs shook in satisfaction. He arose silently and walked into the bathroom and drew her a bath.

The feelings he had for Miamor made him weak, but it was a weakness that he embraced. She made him a better man, and no matter what she said, she would always belong to him. He wasn’t taking “no” for an answer. He was so torn up about what had happened to her. He blamed himself every day. He just wanted to make her happy. After everything he had lost in the war with the Haitians, she was all he had left. As he sat on the side of the tub and watched it fill with water, he felt himself becoming emotional. I let this happen to her, he thought.

He felt her arms envelop him, and he looked up to see her standing there. Her health had come a long way since the day he had found her close to dead in the hospital, but she still needed to rest. He knew that it had taken a lot out of her to come and check on him. As he looked up into her eyes, he saw the woman his heart was meant for. She was a fighter, but he didn’t want her to have to endure anymore anguish. He had to be strong for her. He quickly restored his composure and pulled her down onto his lap.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you,” he whispered, his words stopping in his throat.

Hearing the stress in his voice caused Miamor to close her eyes in torment. I have to tell him. I can’t let him think that he did this to me. I can’t hurt him like this. He thinks he loves me, but he doesn’t even know the real me. I’m the reason why everyone he loves is dead. I can’t marry him. There is no way that we can ever be together, she thought dismally. Even if she agreed to marry Carter, in her heart of hearts, she knew that it would never happen. Their wedding would turn into somebody’s funeral, because he was sure to find out about her affiliation with the Murder Mamas and her role in Taryn and Breeze’s misfortunes. She also did not trust herself, because as soon as she crossed Mecca’s path, she knew that she would get it popping.

I am not the housewife type. If you really love him, then you will let him go, she told herself over and over. Miamor had to convince herself that their love affair was over just to stop herself from yearning for his touch. Carter was like a drug to her. She had become addicted to his swagger; the way he walked; the way he talked; the unspoken boss status that he possessed’ the way he smiled… all of it endeared her to him. She was willing to settle down, willing to be faithful, willing to trust him. She was ready, but she had to walk away. Out of everything she had been through, leaving Carter would undoubtedly be the hardest thing she ever had to do. I don’t have a choice, she told herself. She hoped that Carter would remember them for what they were to each other before all of the shit had been thrown into the game. He would always hold a special place in her heart. Miamor wiped away a tear as she closed her eyes.

“Carter, I have to tell you something,” she uttered as she massaged the back of his head gently. Knowing that it would be the last time she would ever touch him, she took her time and stared him in his eyes. “I’m not who you-”

Before Miamor could get the words out of her mouth, Carter’s lips covered hers. He kissed her passionately as he removed the hotel robe she was wearing. He didn’t want to make love to her. She was still too weak for that. He just wanted to take care of his queen, to nurture his woman, to sit back and spend time with his future wife. He removed his Calvin Klein boxers and pulled her gently into the tub.

“Carter, I really need to tell you this-”

“Shh!” his lips never left hers as he silenced her. “If you’re not saying “yes', then I don’t want to hear it. Will you marry me?” he asked.

A lump formed in Miamor’s throat. How could she tell him no? She nodded her head and gave him a weak smile. “Yes,” she answered, but as soon the words left her mouth, she knew that she had made a mistake. In the morning… I’ll tell him tomorrow, she told herself.

The next morning, Carter awoke to find Miamor staring at him. Her eyes were swollen and red from crying all night as she watched him sleep.

“What’s wrong, ma? Everything a’ight?” he asked as the palm of his hand graced her face. “Are you in pain?”

“More than you can even understand,” she admitted.

“I’ma take all of that away, Mia,” he said. “We’re moving to Phoenix. I’ve already begun making the arrangements. In a week, we’ll be miles away from Miami.”

Miamor put her finger to his lips. “Carter, I need to tell you something. There is something that I need to get off my chest. It’s important.”

Carter frowned. He could see the worried look in her eyes. There was something heavy on her mind, and he wanted her to know that she could tell him anything. “Just say it, Miamor. You can talk to me.”

“First, I want you to know that everything I feel for you is real. It’s more real than anything I’ve ever known. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone in the world. You mean everything to me, Carter, but I can’t accept this ring,” she said as she removed it from her finger.

“Don’t do this, Miamor,” he said. “Don’t shut me out.”