'Thanks,' I said, as he gave my hand a good crushing handshake. 'And don't think that it was easy.'
'Never! I was there - remember. Can I relieve you of that thing?'
'No!' I shouted - and was shocked to hear the fine edge of hysteria, or incipient madness, to my voice. Well why not! 'I'll hand it over - along with a detailed explanation of just what it is - at the meeting.'
'What meeting?'
'The meeting that you are now going to arrange at the Pentagon. I'll want all The Stainless Steel Rats there. A last reunion so to speak. Has Madonette gone back to her imprisoning office yet?'
'She was supposed to. But she would not leave the planet until you came back.'
'Faithful to the end! So in addition to all the Rats I would like a few other friends present.'
'Friends?' He looked baffled. 'Like who?'
'Well that macho fat thug Svinjar for one. King of the Machmen. Then you can invite Iron John and his opposite number, Mata. Ask yourself to come along as well. It will make an interesting gathering.'
'Interesting — yes. But impossible. None of the exiles on this prison planet is permitted inside the Pentagon.'
'Really? I thought that you were the guy that was going to see that Liokukae was cleaned up and cleaned out?'
'Yes, but - '
'Now is the time, Captain. For at this meeting I am not only going to turn over the alien artifact and reveal its secret - but I am going to tell everyone just how the situation here is going to end.'
'How?'
'You're invited to the meeting. You'll hear then.'
'This will not be easy to arrange.'
'Yes it will.' I pointed to Floyd. 'Ask him about the strange things that happened when we were back there with the Survivalists. Admiral Steengo will verify his reports. There is a lot more to be cleaned up on this planet than you ever realized. Get your arguments together, consult your superiors, look after this.' I passed over the artifacted artifact. 'And don't wake me up until it has been all arranged.'
I climbed wearily into the launch. Pushed up the armrests on the back row of seats. Stretched out and fell instantly to sleep.
The next thing I knew Floyd was shaking me gently by the arm. 'We're back in the Pentagon. The meeting is on just like you said. I have breakfast and some clean clothes waiting for you. They'll be ready when you are.'
The shower blasted out warm water and heated air and I stayed under it far too long. But it did wonders not only for my disposition but for my sore muscles as well. I did not hurry. They had arranged the meeting - on my terms - only because they had no choice. They would have informed me to get stuffed if they could. But the labtechs would have found nothing when they examined the artifact. Floyd would have told his confused story about what had happened when he had jumped in with his gun ready. Very confusing. In the end they would have been forced to the reluctant conclusion that the only way they could ever find out what had happened in the underground laboratory was by having me tell them. After which, knowing their record for veracity, they probably felt that they could do whatever they wanted with me.
'Well, Jim,' I said to my smiling and sleek image in the mirror, as I carefully combed my hair, 'let's give them what they want.'
Floyd was my guide. Stamping in step with me along the corridors and into the conference room.
'Hi, guys!' I said in cheery greeting to the far-from-friendly faces.
Only Madonette returned my smile, waved a tentative hand. Admiral Steengo was stern, Tremearne uncommunicative - as was Mata. Floyd was grim-faced - but winked when I glanced his way. Iron John and Svinjar were chained to their chairs or they would have killed me instantly. As it was they strained forward, eyes bulging with homicidal rage. I was most pleased to see that my hairy red friend had a bandaged skull and an arm in a sling. The aged artifact lay on the table before them and I went and sat on the edge of the table next to it.
'Tell us about the device,' Admiral Steengo said in a reasonable and friendly voice.
'Not quite yet, Admiral. I assume that your techs could make nothing of it?'
'They say it is over a million years old. That's all.'
'There's more to it than that. But first a few introductions. The bruised guy with red fur is Iron John. Leader of a cult which you are now going to abolish. You can ship him off for treatment at an establishment for the criminally insane. Along with the fat man next to him. I have them here because I wanted you to see just what your policies of benign neglect had forced on the human beings out there on garbage world.'
I smiled and waited for the cursing and the spitting to die down, then nodded pleasantly at the unwholesome twosome.
'Would anyone here like to live in the kind of societies that you are subjecting the helpless people on Liokukae to? A committee must be appointed now. Plans drawn up to free the women and children from their bondage. You will find that Mata will be able to advise you on that. I think the various males on the planet will have to be interviewed separately. I'm sure that a number of them like their world the way it is. They can have it. The others deserve something better. But all that is in the future. First let us look at the past. I'm sure that the others on my team will grieve the passing of The Stainless Steel Rats. We have played our last gig, sung our last song. And we did pretty well for a bunch of amateurs. One juvenile criminal. An admiral, an unarmed combat expert, and a - what are you really, Madonette? And don't embarrass both of us by talking about the imaginary office job again. That's not your style. Everyone else has come clean - so how about you?'
She drew herself up, looked grim - then smiled. 'You deserve the truth, Jim. My office really is out there. But it is in the Galaksia Universitato where I teach in the department of archeology. The university has so much money involved in this operation that they insisted on a representative.'
'I'm glad it was you, Professor. Been fun working with you.' I blew her a kiss, which she snatched out of the air and blew back.
'I didn't know about this!' Admiral Steengo said, more than miffed. 'I am beginning to find out that there are levels of secrecy and duplicity in this so-called artifact retrieval operation that no one seems to know anything about. The more I discover about it - the more it stinks. And more and more it appears to bear the stamp of Stinky Benbow.'
'That nickname is classified and will be stricken from the records,' a loathsomely familiar voice grated from the direction of the suddenly opened door. 'Fun and games are over. Sit down diGriz. I am in charge now.'
'Well as I live and breathe!' I turned, filled with great pleasure, to face the ever-scowling countenance of Admiral Benbow. 'This is almost too good to be true. The old poisoner himself - in person.'
'You will be silent. That is an order.'
Steengo was shocked. 'Benbow, you bastard - have you been going over my head with this project? Are there other things about it that even I don't know?'
'Plenty. But your need to know is plenty far down the knowing chain of command. So, like this crook - shut up.'
'No more orders, Benbow,' I broke in. Reluctantly since there is nothing I enjoy more than a brace of admirals slanging each other off. But this was a time for work, not fun. 'Now tell the truth, just for a change. It was your idea to give me the fake thirty-day poison, wasn't it?'
'Of course. I know how to deal with criminals. No trust, just fear. And complete control.' The lizard lips bent into a frigid smile. 'I will show you how it works.'
He snapped his fingers and an aide hurried in with a familiar package. He held it up and the serpentine smile broadened. 'You didn't really think that I would let you get away with this, did you?'
It was the package with the three million credits that I had mailed to Professor Van Diver for safekeeping. My fee for putting my life in danger, money well earned. Now in the hands of the enemy. Not only wasn't I bothered by seeing it - I was overjoyed.
'How kind of you, dear Admiral,' I chortled. 'The circle is complete, the ring closed. The play ended. The alien artifact retrieved. The last song sung. Thank you, thank you.'
'Don't sound so cheery, diGriz - because you are in the deep cagal. Although you will not be executed for robbing the Mint you will get a well-deserved prison sentence for that crime. This fee, which you extorted from the university, will be returned to them. Along with that artifact… '
'Oh - so we have remembered it at last. Don't you want to know what it is, what it does?'
