The Stainless Steel Rat Sings the Blues

died down.

'I know how you feel - and I feel the same way too. I think that the blues number, 'I'm All Alone', is our best piece. You know we have had a lot of help from the staff here and I think we owe it to them to see what we all have done. I've invited something like thirty of them and they should be here soon.

Right on cue the door opened and the suspicious public employees filed in, each carrying a folding chair. Admiral Benbow led the way; his flag officer carried two chairs. Zach supervised the seating arrangements and our cavernous rehearsal studio became a theater for the first time. We retreated to the podium where I dimmed the houselights, then hit myself and my electronic gear with a baby spot.

'Ladies, gentlemen, guests. We have all worked hard this last week and in the name of The Stainless Steel Rats I would like to thank you.'

I hit a switch and my amplified voice echoed Thank You, Thank You. Overlaid by a growing crescendo of drums and ending with a crack of thunder and a few realistic lightning bolts. I could see by their wide eyes and dropped jaws that I had their attention.

'For our first number the melodious Madonette will render heart-rendingly the tragically lonely - 'I'm All Alone'!'

At this the colored kliegs burst down on us, revealing our pink-sequined skintight costumes in all their iridescent glory. As we played the opening bars of the theme the lights concentrated on Madonette, whose costume had more flesh than fabric and seemed to be deeply appreciated. After a last whistle of wind and crash of thunder and lighting she extended her lovely arms to the audience and sang:

Here I am - and I'm all alone
No one calls on the telephone.
I look around - and what do I see?
There's no one here but me-me-me.
Me me - me
That's all I see
I'm all alone,
just
me
me
me.

This was all done to the accompaniment of holographic shaking trees, storm clouds and other spooky effects. The music wailed as Madonette seguidillad into the rest of the song.

I'm all alone and it's very dark
I sneak out the window to the park.
The wind blows bard and the tree limbs wave
And I'm right before an open grave!
When I try to run and try to flee -
But I know they're out there after me!
I sit and cry and I know that's right -
Because the sun comes up
It's the end of the night…

With a last wail and a writhe of purple fog the sun rose majestically behind us and the music trickled to an end.

The silence stretched and stretched - until it was finally broken by a tumultuous applause.

'Well gang,' I said, 'it looks like we have done it. Or as Barry Moyd says it looks like we are but really rooty- getooty!'

On the seventh day we did not rest. After a final round of rehearsals I called an early break. 'Get some racktime. Pack your bags. The music and props are ready to go. We ship out at midnight. Transportation to the spaceport leaves here an hour earlier - so don't be late.'

They shuffled out wearily with dragging feet. The Admiral stamped in as they left, with Zach trailing in his wake.

'This agent informs me that all preparations have been made and you are ready to embark.' I could only nod agreement.

'Wish I could go with you,' Zach said.

'You set it all up - you have our thanks for that. Now get going.'

He numbed my fingers with his handshake and the door closed behind him.

The Admiral's smile had all of the warmth of a striking snake. 'Drug Enforcement has come up with a crime so awful that it means an instant sentence to Liokukae.'

'That's nice - what is it?'

'Misuse of a highly refined and expensive drug called baksheesh. You and the rest of the musicians have been caught smuggling it and are addicted to it. There is a medical cure for the addiction that leaves the victim weak and vibrating for a number of days. This should give you a little time to look around before you have to play your first concert. The press release has already gone out about your capture and your sentence to prison hospital for the criminally doped. The natives of Liokukae will not be surprised at all when you arrive there. Questions?'

'A big one. Has the communication been set up?'

'Yes. The coded radio built into your jaw can reach the receiver at the entrance terminal from any place on the planet. It will be manned all of the time and an officer will be listening in on all communication. Your contact on the ground will give you what aid he can before you go out of the sealed terminal. Then he will move to the spacecruiser Remorseless in orbit above, which will also monitor your radio. We can hit anywhere on the planet in a maximum of eleven minutes. Send the signal when you have found the artifact and the space marines will be there. Report at a minimum of once a day. Location and results of your investigation.'

'Just in case we get blown away and you have to send in the second team?'

'Exactly. More questions?'

'One. Going to wish us luck?'

'No. Don't believe in it. Make your own.'

'Gee, thanks, you really are all heart.'

He turned and stamped away and the door swung shut behind him. Fatigue washed through me and black depression hit just one more time. Why was I doing this?

To stay alive of course. Twenty-two days more before my curtain fell for the final performance.

Chapter 6

The Faster Than Light voyage aboard the good ship Remorseless was blessedly brief. Being surrounded by the military has always had a deleterious effect on my morale. We had a solid day of rehearsal, some bad food, a good night's rest, followed the next day by a very non-alcoholic party - since the Navy was remorselessly teetotal.