that the clock radio had cycled back on, blaring a new talk show. It took Nathan five seconds to realize that the people on the radio were talking about him, which was pretty cool at first. Then he heard what they were saying.
Chapter 9
Denise Carpenter, single mother of twin girls, had been “The Bitch” on NewsTalk 990 for nearly five years, a transformation that was so accidental it somehow seemed ordained that the show would become a success.
In October, four and three-quarter years before, she had been a traffic reporter, granted thirty seconds of airtime every half hour. The regular late-morning talent, Bos’s Johnny, called in that morning from the D. C. jail, where he’d been offered a guest room in return for seven outstanding warrants for offenses ranging from failure to pay child support to assault with intent to murder, the latter being the result of too much Jack Daniel’s and too little temper. With only twenty minutes’ advance notice, Denise was told that she would get her big chance in major-market radio. The news should have thrilled her, but at the time she was not looking for work in front as a deejay. She was perfectly content to monitor the police scanners for accidents and devise alternative routes for frustrated commuters.
But she was smart enough to realize an opportunity when she saw it. At the time, her daughters, Laura and Erin, were only five, and between day care and rent, there was barely enough cash left in any given week for food. A social worker friend of hers had told her that she qualified for food stamps, but Denise refused. She wasn’t about to give Bernie the satisfaction of seeing her take charity. She had wanted the divorce, and she had wanted sole custody, and she had let him off the hook for even the tiniest amount of child support, against the vehement objections of the judge. The last thing “Bernie the Bastard” said to her as they left the courthouse was, “You’re gonna starve without me.” Over the ensuing six years, she’d come to think of those words as her good luck charm.
With no notice, and facing a once-in-a-lifetime chance to make an impression, Denise had walked into the booth briskly and confidently. Years later, her then-engineer and current producer Enrique Zamora confided in her that he’d lost twenty dollars that day by betting that Denise would leave in tears before the end of the first commercial.
Far from tearful, Denise came out of the theme song swinging.
“I’m not the voice you were expecting to hear this morning,” she’d said, her first words ever as a disc jockey. “That voice is learning to sing the song of the jailbird. It seems that Boss Johnny had more mouth than he had heart. Right now, he’s in jail downtown on a number of charges, one of which is failure to pay child support. If he’s innocent, I can’t wait to see his smiling face back in the booth. If he’s guilty, I hope he rots in a cell with Bubba the Love Muffin teaching him things he never knew about sex.”
For the next four hours, Denise railed on about what was wrong with the social fabric of America, not hesitating to traipse on territory normally considered forbidden. She established her position in favor of a woman’s right to choose abortion when the circumstances warranted it, but suggested that murder charges be brought against anyone and everyone who participated in an abortion—including fathers and doctors—when the procedure was used solely as a means of birth control. When she was asked how she could justify such a self-contradictory position, she answered, “I don’t have to justify anything to you. I’m just telling you how I feel. If it upsets you, find that little knob on the bottom of your radio and turn it till I go away.”
Through her entire first show, the telephone lines remained jammed with callers trying to assail her positions. Denise’s defining moment came when Barbara from Arlington, Virginia, called in to tell her, “No offense, Denise, but you’re really coming across as a bitch on the radio.”
Denise responded, “Why, thank you very much Barbara, because you’re right. But I’m not just a bitch; I’m the bitch of Washington, D. C.” In an industry where a marketable identity means everything, Denise had stumbled upon a winner.
By the time Boss Johnny was able to scrape together bail money, two days after his arrest, his job had been given away to an upstart bitch from the news staff.
Within a week after she’d started her new career, Denise’s salary had been quintupled, in return for her signature on an unheard-of three-year exclusive contract. The Bitch represented everything that is supposed to fail in radio: a black female who speaks openly and evenly about everything from racism to child-rearing. Politically, she was more conservative than liberal, but she didn’t hesitate to torpedo anyone who stepped out of line.
Three weeks after her first show, NewsTalk 990 had picked up a full six percentage points in the ratings during the coveted morning slot. Denise the Bitch had been featured in both Washington, D. C. newspapers, and thoroughly dominated the trade press. According to her fans, The Bitch offered a real person’s view on life. Like most Americans, Denise had no political ax to grind, and she certainly had no political ambitions, so when she said what she thought, it had the ring of truth with which her audience could identify.
One month after her first anniversary as a talk-show host, Enrique Zamora sat her down in his office, looking like a little kid who was going to burst if he didn’t reveal a secret. “I overheard the station manager talking with some guy on the phone today. They’re going to syndicate us!”
Even as Denise heard the words, she didn’t understand his enthusiasm. “So?”
“So! Don’t you get it? Syndication means we’ll be on the radio in every major market in the country. A nationwide audience.”
For a long moment, Denise had just stared in disbelief, her hand frozen over her gaping mouth. “Oh, my God, Rick. Are you serious?”
“Yes, I’m serious! Think of it. Millions of people listening to you from coast to coast. Millions of dollars in your pocket.”
Enrique’s last comment took Denise’s breath away, making her feel light-headed. “No,” she commanded, mostly to herself. “We’re not going to get all excited over something you think you heard other people talking about. This kind of thing just doesn’t happen to me.”
“I don’t think I overheard it,” Enrique protested. “I know what I heard, and they were talking about you.”
“And they said we were going into syndication?”
“Yes.”
“You’re a liar.”
Enrique laughed. “I am not a liar. I’m a busybody and an eavesdropper, but I am not a liar.”
Sure enough, later that day, the station manager approached Denise with the official news. Their initial syndication would be in twelve markets, from Tampa to Bloomington, Illinois. Her already comfortable salary would double once again. Within a year, there were thirty-four stations on the network, prompting another doubling of her salary.
By the time Nathan listened to her for the first time in the bedroom of a strange house, Denise was being heard on 327 stations across the country, and was earning well into seven figures.
During her monologue at the beginning of the show that morning, The Bitch had railed against the state of the youth of America, citing as an example of the decaying moral fabric the local Washington story of a twelve- year-old boy who’d escaped from prison after killing a guard.
“The prosecutor on this case says he’s going to try this kid as an adult, and I think that’s great. How many times do you hear stories of gang killings, and drive-by killings and robbery killings, only to find out that the killing is being done by pint-sized monsters? Twelve-, thirteen-, fourteen-year-olds who have so little to live for that they take the most precious possession from others—their very lives.
“I for one am tired of hearing it. I for one am prepared to stand up and say, man or woman, underage or not, if you intentionally take the life of another human being, I don’t want you as a part of my society. I want you in prison for the rest of your life, or certainly until you’re old enough to be strapped down in one of those nice little electric chairs they have collecting dust across the country, where you can be zapped straight to hell, and spend all eternity considering just how cool and courageous murder really is.”
The phones went nuts, every light blinking urgently by the time she was done with her tirade. Promising to talk to the listeners on hold as soon as she came back, The Bitch went into commercials.
