The Last Witness

‘Yes… yes.’ Lorena was slightly breathless, obviously agitated by the memory. ‘It was even harder then to sleep each night. We would all huddle together and listen out… and the slightest rush or surge of water would waken us. The fear of it perhaps rising again — trapping or sweeping us away.’

‘I see. But this didn’t in the end at any time happen. It was only the fear of it happening… and this replayed mainly through your later dreams?’

‘That’s right… it was only really in the dreams.’

Edging. Elena’s hands clasped tight and worked together. She’d have done anything to avoid Lorena now being dragged back through those dark days — but Lowndes was insistent that there could be a vital link there, a key to the protective barriers in Lorena’s psyche.

‘So too what happened with Patrika. His death, and all the fear and anxiety that came as a result afterwards — that was also kept mostly to your dreams, was it not? Did you spend much time thinking or reflecting on those events at all while you were awake?’

‘No, no… I didn’t. Not much, anyway — it was mainly in my dreams.’

‘So, recall of this period — possibly one of the worst in your life — would it be true to say that to the large extent you pushed away at arms length into your dreams?’

‘Yes, I… I did push it away, I suppose.’ A long pause, faint rustling, the sound of Lorena swallowing. ‘It was very tough for me to think about, you know.’

‘I know. I understand.’ Soothing tone.

Elena closed her eyes. She could hear the tremor in Lorena’s voice as she finally admitted to ‘pushing’ events away, her East-European accent slightly more evident. The breakthrough Lowndes had no doubt been seeking, but at what price? Elena too found herself trembling with the stifling pressure of Lowndes’ questioning. Lowndes had flagged that unless they tried a fresh angle and had a breakthrough soon, he had strong reservations about continuing sessions. ‘We could find ourselves just going around in circles, hitting the same brick wall.’ And so she’d finally relented to allowing Lowndes free rein. It was either that or risk having to throw in the towel: the thought of shipping Lorena back to Ryall, possibly even later that same day, made her shudder.

‘And so with other terrible incidents in your life that you don’t wish to remember directly — do you think it’s possible or even likely that you might want to push them away too?’

‘I… I don’t know.’ Lorena sounded uncertain, or perhaps she hadn’t quite picked up the link.

The prompt from Lowndes came quickly: ‘Push them away to your dreams, where perhaps they’re easier for you to deal with?’

‘I… I suppose so. I hadn’t really thought about it.’

Slow exhalation from Lowndes — Elena pictured him summoning up fresh reserves — then he continued on relentlessly, as if afraid that if he eased off the pressure, the thread would be lost. With a few more questions, he drew out of Lorena that if indeed something was happening with her stepfather that too would likely be too terrible for her to remember. He finished with a flourish: ‘…Something you might wish to blot out, perhaps again — as with the your terrible sewer days and what happened with Patrika — push to the safety of your dreams.’

There was a suspended moment as Lorena contemplated this: it was as if the impact of where Lowndes had been heading hadn’t really hit her until that final connection was made.

Tentatively: ‘It… it could be that, yes. I see now. I just didn’t know what might be happening because I didn’t really think about it before, I-’

‘It’s okay,’ Lowndes cut in, perhaps sensing it would be the most he’d get at this stage and Lorena was once again heading for more uncertain ground. ‘You don’t need to embrace that thought fully. That would be unfair: after all, this is probably the first time you’ve even looked at that possibility. But I do want you to stay looking at it for a moment, letting it settle more, as I ask you to consider something else…’

Elena had to admit, Lowndes was good. Even without his voiced pre-session concerns, she’d begun to worry that it wasn’t enough hoping that Lorena would simply unlock the memory on her own, and in her call to Gordon late the night before she’d asked how he was getting on with Mikaya: they’d agreed that as soon as she was home dry in Canada, he’d try and make contact with her. ‘I’ve left two more messages, but still no return call as yet. I’ll try twice more tonight and if there’s still no luck, I’ll drive up to Durham University first light tomorrow.’

One of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen. If there were darker secrets behind Mikaya’s earlier pregnancy and she pointed the finger at Ryall, they’d have enough for a social services order to get Lorena away: a few months respite if not longer for more considered sessions to discover if the same thing was happening with Lorena, rather than this madness now of trying to cram in everything in only days in the hope of a breakthrough.

‘…What do you think would happen if you did speak out against your stepfather and say that these terrible things that you picture now only in your dreams, were in fact happening? That they were real?’

‘I’m not sure… in what way?’

‘Well, we’re only talking hypothetically — what if — for now. But what do you think would happen to you, Lorena? You obviously wouldn’t be able to stay in the same house with Mr Waldren any more, so where do you think you would go?’

‘I don’t know… I haven’t really thought about that.’

‘I see. I truly don’t think you have.’ Heavy pause, then a fresh breath from Lowndes. ‘But have you considered that perhaps part of your mind has, and that part might fear that you’d have to return to what you knew before — the horrors of the orphanages and your days and nights in the sewers.’

‘I… I don’t know.’

‘But apart from the dreams and your concerns about Mr Waldren — you’re happy there at the house? It’s comfortable and secure and you have everything else you need?’

‘Yes, I think so… it’s a very nice house.’

Elena held her breath as with a series of questions Lowndes teased out of Lorena that in fact this was a level of comfort and security that she’d never experienced at any time in her life before: the tremendous gulf between her current life and the deprivation and horrors of her past existence.

‘…Something you’d probably wish to avoid going back to at any cost.’ A marked pause, as if Lowndes perhaps expected an answer or was intently studying Lorena for reaction. ‘Now that may or may not also be causing something of a block. But it’s never that easy just to say: “Now that I know there’s a block, I’ll just remove it.” So I’m going to ask you Lorena to relax and imagine that if you did have to leave Mr Waldren’s house — you’d go somewhere equally as nice and warm and secure. Somewhere with your mother, obviously the first choice, but if not perhaps some friends. Do you have some other friends perhaps you’d like to stay with?’

‘Yes… there’s my aid worker who first saw me in Romania. She doesn’t live far away.’

‘What’s her name?’

‘Elen… er… Ei… Eileen.’

Elena closed her eyes and swallowed hard. The warm rush at being Lorena’s first choice of alternate haven was swiftly quashed by guilt at what she was putting Lorena through: just when Lorena was meant to be opening up her mind to discover the truth about her own life, she was forced to hopscotch around lies as to who everybody else was.

‘And is it a nice house?’

‘Yes. It overlooks a wooded ravine… and at the end is the sea.’

‘There. See. You’re spoilt for choice.’ Lowndes let out a relaxed, soothing sigh. ‘Now I want you to think about those nice places that you’d go to… just as comfortable and secure as where you are now. Because for sure your mother or your friend, Eileen, aren’t going to let you go anywhere that’s not nice or safe. And if you’re worried about you’re stepfather being angry and ranting and shouting at you — don’t. He won’t be allowed near you. You’ll have nothing to fear from him… and absolutely nothing to fear as to where you might go or what might happen to you. Is that perfectly clear now? You’re settled about that and understand that you have no worries at all in that regard?’

‘Yes… I understand.’

‘…And I want you now to draw on that, feel relaxed… feel calm. Feel the pressure gone of perhaps being afraid to speak out because of how your stepfather might react or what might happen to you. But at the same time I also want you to be cautious: if you still can’t remember anything happening with your father, even with all that