That lunch was one of Wolfe's best performances; I admit it. He didn't know a damn thing about Carl and Tina except that they were in a jam, he knew that Cramer and Stebbins dealt only with homicide, and he had a strong prejudice against entertaining murderers at his table. Some years back a female prospective client had dined with us in an emergency, on roast Watertown goose. It turned out that she was a husband-poisoner, and roast goose had been off our menu for a solid year, though Wolfe was very fond of it. His only hope now was his knowledge that I was aware of his prejudice and even shared it, and I took my seat at the end of the table and disposed of a big helping of the veal and mushrooms, followed by pumpkin puffs, without batting an eye. He must have been fairly tight inside, but he stayed the po
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lite host clear to the end, with no sign of hurry even with the coffee. Then, however, the tension began to tell. Ordinarily his return to the office after a meal was leisurely and lazy, but this time he went right along, followed by his guests and me. He marched across to his chair behind the desk, got his bulk deposited, and snapped at me, 'What have you got us into now?'
I was pulling chairs around so the Vardas family would be facing him, but stopped to give him an eye.
'Us?' I inquired.
'Yes.'
'Okay,' I said courteously, 'if that's how it is. I did not invite them to come here, let alone to lunch. They came on their own, and I let them in, which is one of my functions. Having started it, I'll finish it. May I use the front room, please? I'll have them out of here in ten minutes.'
'Pfui.' He was supercilious. 'I am now responsible for their presence, since they were my guests at lunch. Sit down, sir. Sit down, Mrs. Vardas, please.'
Carl and Tina didn't know what from which. I had to push the chairs up behind their knees. Then I went to my own chair and swiveled to face Wolfe.
'I have a question to ask them,' I told him, 'but first you need a couple of facts. They're in this country without papers. They were in a concentration camp in Russia and they're not telling how they got here if they can help it. They could be spies, but I doubt it after hearing them talk. Naturally they jump a mile if they hear someone say boo, and when a man came to the barber shop this morning and showed a police card and asked who they were and where they came from and what they were doing last night they scooted the first chance they got. But they didn't know where to go so they came here to buy fifty bucks' worth of advice and information. I got bighearted and went to the shop disguised as a Boy Scout.'
'You went?' Tina gasped.
I turned to them. 'Sure I went. It's a complicated situation, and you made it worse by beating it, but you did and 80
here we are. I think I can handle it if you two can be kept out of the way. It would be dangerous for you to stay here. I know a safe place up in the Bronx for you to lay low for a few days. You shouldn't take a chance on a taxi or the subway, so we'll go around the comer to the garage and get Mr. Wolfe's car, and you can drive it up there. Then I'll--'
'Excuse me,' Carl said urgently. 'You would drive us up there?'
'No, I'll be busy. Then I'll-'
'But I can't drive a car! I don't know how!'
'Then your wife will drive. You can leave--'
'She can't! She don't know either!'
I sprang from my chair and stood over them. 'Look,' I said savagely, 'save that for the cops. Can't drive a car? Certainly you can! Everybody can!'
They were looking up at me, Carl bewildered, Tina frowning. 'In America, yes,' she said. 'But we are not Americans, not yet. We have never had a chance to learn.'
'You have never driven a car?'
'No. Never.'
'And Carl?'
'Never.'
'What the devil is this?' Wolfe demanded.
I returned to my chair. 'That,' I said, 'was the question I wanted to ask. It has a bearing, as you'll soon see.' I regarded Carl and Tina. 'If you're lying about this, not knowing how to drive a car, you won't be sent back home to die, you'll die right here. It will be a cinch to find out if you're lying.'
'Why should we?' Carl demanded. 'What is so important in it?'
'Once more,' I insisted. 'Can you drive a car?'
'No.'
'Can you, Tina?'
'No!'
'Okay.' I turned to Wolfe. 'The caller at the barber shop this morning was a precinct dick named Wallen. Fickler took him to Tina's booth, and he questioned Tina first. Then the others had sessions with him in the booth, in this order:
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Philip, Carl, Jimmie, Tom, Ed, and Janet. You may not know that the manicure booths are around behind the long partition. After Janet came out there was a period of ten or fifteen minutes when Wallen was in the booth
