prayed for the drunkenness to go away.
It’s not fun anymore.
For a long while I stayed in that position. Gradually things began to grow clearer. Like an island appearing in the foggy sea, sobriety appeared on the horizon. I drained the remnants of my water into my parched mouth. “EDEN!” I opened my eyes and saw TJ blur into focus. He was blocking the entrance to the alleyway. Holding a wooden baseball bat. I snapped to attention in an instant. “I thought so!” he sneered and stalked into the opening. “I’ve been looking for you.”
“What do you want Thomas?” I asked, trying to remain calm, but already the familiar rage was rising, overtaking the surprise of seeing him. It boiled under the surface.
Not twice in one day…it’s too much. I’d only wanted to have fun with my new friends. This isn’t fair.
“Andrew told me what you did to Terry. How you’ve been boasting about it. You must hav’ got lucky.” He slapped the bat against his palm menacingly. “You ain’t gonna get lucky twice.”
I looked behind me. The alleyway ran behind the shops that lined the high street. The far wall was fronted by a dozen dustbins and broken wooden pallets. The top coated in razor wire.
A dead end. Nowhere to run.
I put up my hand trying to appease TJ, but he swatted it away.
“Listen,” I continued regardless “I don’t want to fight you. I don’t deserve any of this. Just leave me alone…” I paused, “…please.”
A jeering smirk slid across his sour face. “Haha look at you, you’re brickin’ it! It’s so pathetic! I’m going to enjoy breaking your ribs.” He stepped backwards and raised the bat over his shoulder like a baseball player. My drunkenness had vanished, replaced by keen alertness and the rage. It grew inside me like before, but fuelled by alcohol it felt darker. Primal. So much so, it frightened me. With Terry I’d known what was happening, but this time it felt like it was taking me over.
“Listen to me,” I warned, my voice shaking from the fury brimming just below the surface. “You have to leave now. I can’t control myself. You’re going to get really hurt!” Confusion clouded his face. This was not the pleading he’d clearly expected. “Control yourself? What are you going on about? God you're such a freak!”
The fury spewed to the surface like a raging volcano.
“I am not a freak!'
I shot out my fist as TJ swung the bat. The two collided and there was a tremendous crack as the wood splintered over my knuckles. The jagged pieces clattered to the floor. TJ cried out in shock and recoiled. I paced forward and exploded my fist again. It smashed against the side of his face. I felt his cheekbone shatter. He screamed and clutched his damaged face. But I wasn’t done. I grabbed his shirt and spun him around, shoving him further into the alleyway. He flew back at least six feet, sprawling over a dustbin and landing awkwardly on his back. He scrambled to his feet and tried to dart past me to escape, but he might as well have been crawling. I seized him by the neck and hurled him into the wall. His nose burst in an explosion of claret. He was sobbing now, the tears mixing with blood. He doubled over and raised his hands, begging for me to stop. It was no use, I couldn’t. All I could think about were all the times I’d been humiliated. All the times I’d been used as a punching bag by Terry and his gang — including this blubbering wretch. I drove a fist into his ribs. He spiralled to the floor and I started to kick him. He wailed in response. I kicked him again and again. His bones cracked from the hammering of my foot. I was screaming. A demented sound of fury and anguish, which filled my ears and drowned out his cries of mercy. I kicked him in the face, stomach, legs, back, anywhere I could connect. He had rolled into a ball and made thick distraught sounds with every impact. Again and again and again. Eventually, the fury started to drain away, like a receding wave. I stopped kicking and bent over, sucking in mouthfuls of air. Everything was silent. Only the dull thud of the nightclub could be heard in the distance.
The rage disappeared completely, retreating into whatever pit it had sprung from. Then I was left with the utter horror of what I had done. TJ was a crumpled mass, lying in a pool of his own blood. My eyes went wide with fear as I looked at his broken, abused body.
“Oh my god, what have I done?” I gasped and leaned over him, pressing my fingers against his neck. It was slick with blood. They kept slipping off the skin. Eventually I managed to keep them in position long enough to check for a pulse. I couldn’t find one. I withdrew my shaking, blood drenched hand and covered my mouth. “Oh no. Please no!”
I backed away from TJ’s body, stumbling over trash bags and fled from the backstreet. I almost collided with a couple who were kissing passionately and heading into the alleyway. I staggered past them and sped towards home, keeping my head down in someone recognised me. A few seconds later I heard the girl’s piercing scream.
I ran as fast and as hard as I could. My mind was blurry, my temples pounding. The voice in my head just kept repeating He’s dead! He’s dead! Oh god, I killed him! Tears flowed down my face, I could feel them edging down my cheeks, warm compared to the whipping wind that clawed my skin as I shot forwards.
When I reached the house, I raised a trembling hand to the lock and fell through the door. The house was quiet. My legs felt like jelly as I mounted the stairs. Why did I hit him so hard? Why didn’t I stop? I knew how strong I was. What did I think would have happened? Oh no, what have I done?
I kept waiting for the wail of police sirens. In my mind I saw dozens of squad cars weaving their way towards my house, blue lights blazing. I hesitated on the landing, not sure whether to go to my room or call Mikey and tell him what I’d done. I was so scared.
Sweat clung to my hand as I opened the door to my room.
The lights were out and the curtains drawn. The room was shrouded in darkness. I was completely blind, but I could sense something. My breath caught in my throat as I realised that someone was in the room with me.
“Who’s there?” I whispered into the abyss.
No answer.
My hand fumbled for the light switch. After a few seconds I found it and pressed. The result was blinding and it took a few seconds for my eyes to adjust. When they did I gasped. Sitting on my desk, arms folded, was Gabriella. “Hello Alexander,” she said. Her voice was eerily devoid of emotion. “Ella, what’s going on? How did you get in here?” “Not important,” she retorted. “Listen, something really bad has happened. I don’t know what you want, but I can’t handle this right now.” She slammed her hand down onto the desk, making me jump. “Why the hell do you think I’m here damn it?” she hissed through clenched teeth.
Vaulting off the desk, she marched towards me, finishing a few centimetres from where I stood. Sweet Ella was gone and the powerful force I’d witnessed on the football pitch was back. I recoiled instinctively, pressing my back against the wall.
“You stupid idiota!” she spat, her eyes brimming with fire. “You know how strong you are. Hell, you showed off to me about it. What were you thinking, beating TJ within an inch of his life?”
My jaw fell open. “H-how could you know about that, I literally just came from-”
“I know everything!” Gabriella blazed, cutting me off. She stormed over to the other side of the room and threw up her hands in exasperation. Turning back to me her tone was softer but still flecked with anger. “All I can say is you’re lucky he didn’t die.”
Her words sank in.
“He…he isn’t dead?”
Gabriella sighed. “No he isn’t dead, thank God. We got to him in time. If you’d killed him we’d have much bigger problems. As it stands, he’s going to be okay. Luckily, we managed to keep it contained. Everything would be so much more difficult if we had unconnected police crawling around us.”
My eyes went wide and my throat dried up. “Keep it contained? We…unconnected? What are you talking about?”
Her eyes flashed up at mine. “Are you really that stupid? The car accident? Beating up Terry and now this? Aren’t you a little surprised there have been no repercussions to any of it?”
Finally it dawned on me. “Gabriella, are you a part of all of this?” I croaked. “Do you know what’s happening to me?”
She nodded, her face solemn. “Yes.”
The room started to spin. I couldn’t take any more. I felt like I was going to pass out. The words slipped out of my mouth, barely a whisper. “Gabriella… please…tell me what’s going on.” Concern flashed across her face and
