Armageddon shrugged. “How can one understand the twisted mind of the megalomaniac? He is the Napoleon of our time, the Hitler, the Stalin. Every so many years, these men come along and ruin it for the rest of us.”
“That still doesn’t explain why you think I’m the man for the job.”
“Allow me to give you a quick bullet-point list of why we want you involved,” Malcolm said. “One: you’ve proven resourceful, having come through a number of unique dangers just to get here. Two: as a Platinum member, it’s in your best interest to protect Joey Armageddon’s, not destroy it. Three: since you’ve only just arrived, you’re an outsider.”
“Why is that a plus?”
“As I said,” continued Malcolm, “we have spies among us. Even if I picked one of my most trusted men, I don’t think we can prevent word getting out. The Red Stripes would be waiting for him, and I’m not losing another man if I can help it. We’ve already fabricated a story for your arrest. We plan to stage your escape. Then the Czar and his men won’t suspect we’ve sent you. We have strong evidence that one of our guards is on the Czar’s payroll, and I’ll arrange for him to be on duty when you break out. He’ll report to the Czar that you’re not one of my soldiers.”
Mortimer shook his head. “No, I don’t think so. Just because I’m not one of your soldiers doesn’t mean the Red Stripes are going to throw me a welcome party. Why should they care if I got drunk and thrown in jail?”
“We’ve thought of that,” Armageddon said. “Tell him, Malcolm.”
“We’re going to let it leak that you’ve stolen our defense plans,” Malcolm said. “The Czar won’t be able to resist that.” To Armageddon he said, “I’ll have one of my people leak it to the kitchen staff. That’ll be like broadcasting it on the radio.”
“Naturally, we’ll supply you with everything you need,” Armageddon assured him.
“And what’s my motivation to say yes to this suicide mission?” Mortimer asked.
“Beyond defending our tenuous grasp on civilization from the marauding forces of darkness?”
“Way beyond that.”
“We would compensate you, of course. Say twenty thousand Armageddon dollars.”
“No amount of money will-how much?”
“Twenty thousand,” said Joey Armageddon.
“It doesn’t make sense.” Mortimer rubbed his eyes. His hangover was coming back double. “It still doesn’t have to be me. You could bribe anyone.”
“We thought you’d want to undertake the mission, considering certain personal reasons,” Malcolm said.
“There are no personal reasons,” Mortimer said. “There are personal reasons
“I’m afraid there
XXXVIII
I would, damn it. I had an epiphany. Doesn’t anyone respect my goddamn epiphany?
Nobody respected his epiphany.
Joey Armageddon and his gay general were right. They had Mortimer’s number. He had to try to help Anne. Mortimer waffled. But eventually he agreed to do it. He’d see this thing through to the end. He would find Anne. For better or for worse.
“If I’m going to do this,” Mortimer said, “then I’m going to do it my way. And I’m going to need some things. Get a pen and paper.”
Mortimer told them what he needed, and the general briefed him on how it would work.
“We’ll arrange a contact who will guide you when you get there. He’s trustworthy.”
“How will I know him?” Mortimer asked.
“Don’t worry,” Malcolm told him. “He’ll know you.”
Armageddon took Mortimer’s hand, shook it firmly, looked him straight in the eye. “I know you’re not crazy about this, probably even feel somewhat coerced, but you’re going to do some good. Frankly, you’ll be a hero.”
Mortimer returned the handshake, could only nod and smile weakly.
“We can’t take him back to his cell like this,” Malcolm said. “He looks too good.”
“You’re right,” Armageddon said. “We’re supposed to have interrogated him to get our defense plans back.”
“What?” Mortimer didn’t like where this was headed.
Malcolm came up behind him. “I’ll hold his arms. Work over his face a bit.”
