very best in body servants. There is something to be said for having occasional access to the services of a rich man's slaves. As my fingernails and toenails were carefully clipped and filed and buffed, my hair expertly trimmed, and my beard painlessly shorn, Lucius kept trying to begin his tale and I kept putting him off, wanting to make sure I received the full treatment.
It was not until our second visit to the hot plunge that I allowed him to begin in earnest. Amid clouds of steam, with our heads bobbing on the water like little islands in the mist, he related his nautical tale.
'As you know, Gordianus, in recent years the problem of piracy has grown increasingly severe.'
'Blame it on Sulla and Marius and the civil war,' I said. 'Wars mean refugees, and refugees mean more bandits on the highways and more pirates on the sea.'
'Yes, well, whatever the cause, we all see the results. Ships seized and looted, cities sacked, Roman citizens taken hostage.'
'While the Senate vacillates, as usual.'
'What can they do? Would you have them grant a special naval command to some power-mad general, who can then use the forces we give him to attack his political rivals and set off another civil war?'
I shook my head. 'Trapped between warlords and brigands, with the Roman Senate to lead us-sometimes I despair for our republic.'
'As do all thinking men,' agreed Lucius. We shared a moment of silent contemplation on the crisis of the Roman state, then he eagerly launched into his tale again.
'Anyway, when I say that the pirates have grown so bold as to kidnap Roman citizens, I don't simply mean some merchant they happened to pluck from a trading vessel. I mean citizens of distinction, noble Romans whom even ignorant pirates should know better than to molest. I mean young Julius Caesar himself.'
'When was this?'
'Just as winter was setting in. Caesar had spent the summer on the island of Rhodes, studying rhetoric under Apollonius Molo. He was due to serve as an attache to the governor of Cilicia, but he lingered on Rhodes as long as he could, and set out at the very close of the sailing season. Just off the island of Pharmacusa his ship was given chase and captured by pirates. Caesar and his whole entourage were taken prisoner!'
Lucius raised an eyebrow, which prompted a curious pattern of wrinkles across his fleshy brow. 'Now keep in mind that Caesar is only twenty-two, which may explain how he could be so recklessly bold. Remember also that his good looks, wealth and connections have pretty much always gotten him whatever he wants. Imagine, he finds himself in the clutches of Cilician pirates, the most bloodthirsty people on earth. Does he cringe beneath their threats? Bow his head? Make himself humble and meek? Far from it. Exactly the opposite! He taunted his captors from the very beginning. They told him they were planning to demand a ransom of half a million sesterces. Caesar laughed in their faces! For a captive such as himself, he told them, they were fools not to demand at least a million-which they did!'
'Interesting,' I said. 'By placing a greater value on his life, he forced the pirates to do likewise. I suppose even bloodthirsty killers tend to take better care of a million-sesterce hostage than one worth only half as much.'
'So you think the gambit shows Caesar's cleverness? His enemies ascribe it to simple vanity. But I give him full credit for what he did next, which was to arrange for the release of almost everyone else in his party. His numerous secretaries and assistants were let go because Caesar insisted that the ransom of a million sesterces would have to be raised from various sources in various places, requiring the labor of his whole entourage. The only ones he kept with him were two slaves-that being the absolute minimum to see to a nobleman's comfort-and his personal physician, whom Caesar can hardly do without because of his bouts of falling sickness.
'Well, they say Caesar spent nearly forty days in the pirates' clutches, and treated his captivity as if it were a vacation. If he had a mind to take a nap and the pirates were making too much noise, he would send one of his slaves to tell them to shut up! When the pirates engaged in exercises and games, Caesar joined them, and as often as not bested them, treating them as if they were not his captors but his guards. To fill his idle time he wrote speeches and composed verses, such as he had learned to do under Apollonius Molo, and when he finished a work he would make the pirates sit quietly and listen to him. If they interrupted him or made critical remarks, he called them barbarians and illiterates to their faces. He made jokes about having them whipped, as if they were unruly children, and even joked about having them put to death on the cross for insulting the dignity of a Roman patrician.'
'The pirates put up with such insolence?'
'They seemed to adore it! Caesar exercised a kind of fascination over them, by sheer power of his will. The more he abused and insulted them, the more they were charmed.
'At last, the ransom arrived, and Caesar was released. Right away he headed for Miletus, took charge of some ships, and went straight back to the island where the pirates were stationed. He took them by surprise, captured most of them, and not only reclaimed the ransom money but took the pirates' hoard as well, claiming it as the spoils of battle. When the local governor hesitated over deciding the pirates' fate, trying to think of some legal loophole whereby he could claim the booty for his treasury, Caesar took it upon himself to tend to the pirates' punishment. Many times while he was their captive he boasted that he would see them crucified, and they had laughed, thinking the threat was mere boyish bravado-but in the end it was Caesar who laughed, when he saw them nailed naked upon crosses. 'Let men learn to take me at my word,' he said.'
I shivered, despite the heat of the bath. 'You heard this in the Forum, Lucius?'
'Yes, it's on everyone's lips. Caesar is on his way back to Rome, and the story of his exploits precedes him.'
'Just the sort of moral tale that Romans love to hear!' I grunted. 'No doubt the ambitious young patrician plans a career in politics. This is the very thing to build up his reputation with the voters.'
'Well, Caesar needs something to recover his dignity, after having given it up to King Nicomedes,' said Lucius with a leer.
'Yes, in the eyes of the mob, nothing enhances a Roman's dignity like having another man nailed to a cross,' I said glumly.
'And nothing more diminishes his dignity than being nailed himself, even if by a king,' observed Lucius.
'This water grows too hot; it makes me irritable. I think I could use the services of your masseur now, Lucius Claudius.'
The tale of Caesar and the pirates proved to be immensely popular. Over the next few months, as spring wanned to summer, I heard it repeated by many tongues in many variations, in taverns and on street corners, by philosophers in the Forum and by acrobats outside the Circus Maximus. It was a clear example of how terribly out of hand the problem of piracy had gotten, men said, nodding gravely, but what really impressed them was the idea of a brash young patrician charming a crew of bloodthirsty pirates with his haughtiness and in the end inflicting upon them the full measure of Roman justice.
It was on a sweltering midsummer day in the month of Sextilis that I was called to the home of a patrician named Quintus Fabius.
The house was situated on the Aventine Hill. The structure looked at once ancient and immaculately kept-a sign that its owners had prospered there for many generations. The foyer was lined with scores of wax effigies of the household ancestors, the Fabu go all the way back to the founding of the Republic.
I was shown to a room off the central courtyard, where my hosts awaited me. Quintus Fabius was a man of middle age with a stern jaw and graying temples. His wife, Valeria, was a strikingly beautiful woman with hazel hair and blue eyes. They sat in backless chairs, each attended by a slave with a fan. A chair was brought in for me, along with a slave to fan me.
Usually, I find that the higher a client ranks on the social scale, the longer he takes to explain his business. Quintus Fabius lost no time, however, in producing a document. 'What do you make of it?' he said, as yet another slave conveyed the scrap of papyrus to my hands.
'You can read, can't you?' asked Valeria, her tone more anxious than insulting.
'Oh, yes-if I go slowly,' I said, thinking to buy more time to study the letter (for a letter it was) and to figure out what the couple wanted from me. The papyrus was water-stained and torn at the edges and had been folded several times, rather than rolled. The handwriting was childish but strong, with gratuitous flourishes on some of the letters.
