'You're writing to Meto because you've sent Eco on a trip, and you need someone to talk to. Isn't that it?' 'You're very perceptive, Diana.'
She lifted her hand and pushed back a strand of hair that had fallen over her cheek. What remarkably lustrous hair she had, like her mother's before the strands of gray began to dull it. It fell past her shoulders almost to her breasts, framing her face and throat. In the soft morning light her skin shone like dusky rose petals.
'Why don't you share your troubles with me, Papa? Mother does. She tells me everything.'
'I suppose that's the way of the world. Mothers and daughters, fathers and sons.'
She looked at me steadily. I tried to look back at her, but found myself looking away. 'The boys are older than you, Diana. They've shared my work, my travels.' I smiled. 'Half the time when I begin a sentence, Eco finishes it.'
'And Meto?'
'Meto is different. You're old enough to remember some of what happened while we were on the farm- Catilina, the trouble between Meto and me, Meto's decision to become a soldier. That was a great test of the bond between us. He's his own man now and I don't always understand him. Even so, I can always tell him what I think.'
'But Eco and Meto aren't even your flesh. You adopted them. I carry your blood, Papa.'
'Yes, Diana, I know.' Why then are you so mysterious, I thought, and why is there such a gulf between us? And why do I keep these thoughts to myself instead of speaking them aloud?
'Can I read the letter, Papa?'
This took me aback. I looked down at the parchment, scrutinizing the words. 'I'm not sure you'd understand, Diana.' 'Then you could explain.'
'I'm not sure I'd want to. If you were older, perhaps.'
'I'm not a child anymore, Papa.'
I shook my head.
'Mother says I'm a woman now.'
I cleared my throat. 'Yes, well, then I suppose you have every right to read your mother's personal letters.'
'That's cruel, Papa. You know that Mother can't read or write, which is hardly her fault. If she had been raised as a Roman girl…'
Instead of an Egyptian slave, I thought. Was that what was disturbing Diana, her mother's origins, the fact that she was the child of a woman born in slavery? Diana and I had never really talked about this, but I assumed that Bethesda had discussed it with her, in some way. They certainly spent enough time talking to each other in private. Did Diana bear some resentment against me, for having bought her mother in an Alexandrian slave market? But I was also the man who had freed Bethesda. It all seemed terribly complicated, suddenly.
'Even most Roman women don't learn to read, Diana.'
'The woman you're working for can read, I imagine.'
'I'm sure she can.'
'And you made sure I was taught to read.'
'Yes, I did.'
'But what good is the skill, if you forbid me to use it?' She looked at the letter in front of me.
It was uncanny, the way she used her mother's stratagems to get what she wanted-circular logic, stubborn persistence, the uncovering of guilts I hadn't known I felt. They say the gods can put on the guise of someone we know and move among us without anyone guessing. For a brief, strange moment a veil seemed to drop, and I sensed that it was Bethesda herself in the room with me, disguised to confound me. Who was this creature Diana, after all, and where had she come from?
I handed her the letter and watched her read it. She read slowly, moving her lips slightly. She had not been taught as well as Meto.
I expected her to ask the identity of the people I referred to, or perhaps for a clearer explanation of the passions I described, but when she put down the letter she said, 'Why do you want so badly to find the person who killed Dio, Papa?'
'What is it I say in the letter? 'For my own peace of mind.' '
'But why should your mind be unsettled?'
'Diana, if someone who was close to you had been hurt, wouldn't you want to avenge that person, to redress the wrong done to them, if you could?'
She thought about this. 'But Dio wasn't close to you.' 'That's presumptuous of you, Diana.' 'You hardly knew him.'
'In a way, that's true. But in another way-'
She picked up the letter. 'Is he the one you mean, when you speak of the 'man of rational intellect'?' 'Yes, as a matter of fact.' 'Wasn't he a cruel man, then?' 'I don't really know.' 'But in the letter, you say-'
'Yes, I know what I say.' I cringed at the idea of hearing her read it aloud.
'How do you know such a thing about him?' She peered at me intently.
I sighed. 'From certain things I was told by the men who played host to him. Dio apparently took liberties with some of their slave girls. He may have been rather abusive. But I don't really know. People don't like to talk about that sort of thing.'
'He wasn't that way when you knew him in Alexandria?'
'If he was, I knew nothing about it. I saw a very different side of
him.'
She looked at me thoughtfully for a long moment. It was not a look she had learned from Bethesda. It was a keen, pensive look, very deep and entirely her own-or perhaps she had picked it up from me, I thought, flattering myself. How foolish and remote it suddenly seemed, that strange, disoriented moment when I had imagined she was her mother in disguise.
She stood and nodded gravely. 'Thank you for letting me read the letter, Papa. Thank you for talking to me.' Then she left the room.
I picked up the letter and read it through again. I winced at the catalogue I had made of other people's passions, and especially at what I had said of Dio:
What cruel appetite makes a man of rational intellect crave the debasement of his helpless partners in sex?
What had I been thinking, to put such thoughts in a letter?
I would wait until after the trial to write to Meto, when I had something of substance to relate. I called on one of the slaves to light a taper from the fire in the kitchen and bring it to me. When she returned I took the taper from her, put the parchment into the empty brazier and burned it to ashes.
I spent the day snooping.
If Caelius had indeed plotted to poison both Dio and Clodia, where had he obtained the poison?
Poisonings have become lamentably common in Rome, and in re-cent years I have become more familiar with deadly potions and powders than I would have dreamed possible. From time to time considerable quantities of various kinds of poison pass through my own hands, and I have a strongbox especially for storing them; clients, having seized a quantity of poison as evidence, prefer to safeguard the stuff with me rather than in their own homes, especially if they suspect a family member or a slave of wanting to do them in.
For a price, anyone can obtain poison in Rome, but the reliable, discreet sources-the sort to which I imagined Caelius would go-are relatively few. Over the years my work has acquainted me with most of them to one degree or another. Interviewing these creatures was a job I would rather have left to Eco, but since Eco was away I set out to do it myself, with a purse full of coins for bribes and Belbo for protection. It was a miserable task, rather like hunting for snakes under rocks. Since I happened to know which stones the snakes preferred, I simply went from one to the next, lifting them up and bracing myself for a succession of unpleasant encounters.
The search took me to a number of disreputable shops on the outskirts of the Forum; over to the old, run- down baths near the Circus Flaminius; to the waterfront shipyards and warehouses of the Navalia; and finally, following the advice of an informant, back to the place that Catullus had called the Salacious Tavern. By the light of day it had an air more decrepit than salacious; the gamblers were gone and the whores looked ten years older. The only patrons were a few unshaven drunkards who looked incapable of getting up from their benches; some, whom I
