“So how come you don’t do therapy anymore? Detective Sturgis told me you’re retired. I was expecting an old guy.”
“I stopped a few years ago, haven’t gotten back yet- long story.”
“I’d like to hear it,” she said.
I gave her an abridged version of the last five years: Casa de Los Ninos, death and degradation. Getting overdosed on human misery, dropping out, living on real estate investments made during the California boom of the late seventies. Then redemption: missing the joys of altruism, but reluctant to commit to long-term therapy, making a compromise- limiting myself to time-limited consultations, forensic referrals from lawyers and judges.
“And cops,” she said.
“Just one cop. Milo and I are old friends.”
“I can understand that- you both have that… heat. Intensity. Wanting to do more than just coast by.” She laughed, sheepish again. “How’s that for sidewalk psychoanalysis, Doc?”
“I’ll take my compliments any way I can get ’em.”
She laughed, said, “Real estate investments, huh? Lucky you. I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have to work. I mean, sometimes I really despise my job. Maybe I’d opt for Club Med full time.”
“Your present job can’t be too easy on the old patience.”
“True,” she said, “but at least now I can close my door, get ticked off, scream my head off, throw something- Carla’s tolerant. I just didn’t want to be losing it in front of the kids- taking it
She shook her head, said, “I really hate bureaucrats. Then some days I sit back, look at all the crap on my desk, and realize I
“Ever think of doing something else?”
“What, and go back to school? Nosir. I’m twenty-nine already. Comes a time you have to just settle down and bite the bit.”
I wiped my brow. “Twenty-nine? Whew. Ready for the old porch rocker.”
“Sometimes I feel I could use one,” she said. “Look who’s talking- you’re not much older.”
“Eight years older.”
“Whoa, grandpa, tighten the truss and pass the Geritol.”
The waitress came over and asked if we wanted dessert. Linda ordered strawberry shortcake. I chose chocolate ice cream. It tasted chalky and I pushed it aside.
“No good? Have some of this.”
Then she blushed again. From the intensity of her color, she might have offered me a bare breast. I remembered how she’d warded off compliments, pegged her as afraid of intimacy, distrustful- nursing some kind of wound. My turn at sidewalk analysis. But then again, why shouldn’t she be reticent? We barely knew each other.
I took some cake, less out of hunger than not wanting to reject her. She removed most of the whipped cream from her cake, ate a strawberry, and said, “You’re easy to talk to. How come you’re not married?”
“There’s a certain woman who could answer that for you,” I said.
She looked up. There was a crumb of cake on her lower lip. “Gee, I’m sorry.”
“No reason to apologize.”
“No, I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to pry… Well, yes, of course I did, didn’t I? That’s exactly what I was doing. Prying. I just didn’t realize I was prying into anything sore.”
“It’s okay,” I said. “Just about healed. We all have our sore spots.”
She didn’t take the bait. “Divorce is so rotten,” she said. “Common as brown sparrows, but rotten just the same.”
“No divorce,” I said. “We were never married, though we might as well have been.”
“How long were you together?”
“A little over five years.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No reason for you to apologize for that either.”
I realized my tone was sharp- irritation at doing all the revealing.
Tension filled the space between us like an air balloon. We busied ourselves with dessert, let it deflate gradually.
When we were through, she insisted on separate checks and paid with cash. “Well, Dr. Alex Delaware,” she said, putting away her wallet, “it’s been edifying, but I’ve got to get home and attack some paper. Will you be coming by tomorrow?”
“Same time, same station.”
We stood. She took my hand in both of hers. That same soft, submissive touch, so at odds with the rest of her. Her eyes were soft coals, burning.
“I really want to thank you,” she said. “You’re a very nice man, and I know I’m not always the easiest person in the world to be around.”
“I’m not always Joe Mellow either.”
Face to face. Tight silence. I wanted to kiss her, contented myself with walking her to her car and watching the movement of her hips and legs as she got into it. As she drove off, I realized we’d talked more about ourselves than the sniping.
But alone, back in the Seville, thoughts of the sniping kept intruding. I picked up an evening final at a 7-Eleven near Barrington, drove to Westwood and north through the village, and examined the front page as I waited out a red light at Hilgard and Sunset.
Two photos- one of the storage shed, titled SNIPER’S LAIR; the other a head shot of Holly Lynn Burden- shared center top. To the right a 64-point headline shouted SNIPER FIRE BREAKS OUT AT SCHOOL. LATCH AIDE ENDS IT. CHILDREN ON PLAYGROUND FLEE IN PANIC. FEMALE SNIPER SLAIN BY COUNCILMAN’S STAFFER.
The head shot looked as if it had been taken from a high school yearbook: white collar over dark sweater, single strand of pearls, starched pose. Same face I’d seen on the photocopied driver’s license, but younger, some baby fat softening the edges. Longer hair, flipped at the shoulders. Dark-framed eyeglasses, that same sullen dullness behind them.
The light turned green. Someone honked. I put down the paper and joined the chrome-surge onto Sunset. Traffic was slow but insistent. When I got home I started reading, skimming the recap of the shooting, slowing down when I got to the bio of the shooter.
Holly Burden had lived all nineteen years of her life in the house on Jubilo Drive, sharing it with her father, Mahlon Burden, fifty-six, a “widower and self-employed technical consultant.” The contents of the father’s police interview hadn’t been made public and he’d declined to talk to the press, as had a brother, Howard Burden, thirty, of Encino.
Through “School Board records” the paper had found out about Holly attending Hale but didn’t quote Esme Ferguson or anyone else who remembered her.
The future sniper had gone on to attend a nearby public junior high, then Pacific Palisades High School, where she’d dropped out one semester short of a diploma.
Guidance counselors had trouble remembering her, but an adviser at the high school managed to locate grade transcripts showing her to have been a poor student with “no participation in extracurricular activities.” The few instructors who remembered her at all described her as quiet, unobtrusive. One English teacher recalled she’d had “motivational problems, wasn’t academically oriented or competitive,” but hadn’t participated in remedial programs. Not an alumna to brag about, but no one had picked up the slightest hint of serious mental disturbance or violence.
Neighbors “along the quiet, tree-lined street in this affluent West Side district” were a good deal more
