'It's rolling.'
I was going almost seventy. I couldn't get the monstrous idea that Alexa had committed suicide out of my head. I was going so fast, I overshot the house and hit the brakes half a block past, squealing rubber as I brodied to a stop. Then I hit reverse and fish-tailed backward, slamming into the curb in front of David Slade's house. I opened my car door and ran for the backyard. The front door was double locked and the quickest way in was through the broken back window. I reached the spot, jumped up, and shimmied into the guest bedroom, landing awkwardly on the floor. I gathered my feet under me and ran through the house.
'Alexa! Alexa!' I shouted, as I ran.
I found her in Slade's bedroom, covered in a spray of blood and cerebral spinal fluid. She was shot in the head and splayed backwards on Slade's big, unmade, king-sized bed. I ran to her.
Ragged pulse, shallow breathing, irregular heartbeat. And then, while my fingers were on her carotid artery, I felt her heart stop.
'Oh shit,' I moaned as I grabbed her nose, pinched it shut, and leaned down, blowing two breaths of air into her lifeless body. After that, I rose up and did fifteen chest compressions. Blood, CSF, and little shattered pieces from her skull were all over the bed. The gun was her backup piece. A blue steel Spanish Astra, which had flown out of her hand and was lying against the headboard. Why had she packed two guns yesterday morning? We were on a training day. Had she known this was coming all along? I was in anguish as I kept up the CPR.
'Please,' I mumbled and blew more air into her mouth and did more chest compressions. The Lord's Prayer became a silent mantra in my head.
And then, the distant wail of a siren. Seconds later, I heard the ambulance pull up in front. I had to leave her for a minute to let them in. I blew air hard into her lungs one more time and then sprinted for the front door, threw the latch, and screamed: 'In here! Hurry, damn it! I'm doing CPR!'
Two EMTs ran up the steps carrying a medical kit and a light metal stretcher with folding wheels. As they charged past me I shouted, 'Back bedroom!' then followed. They had already resumed CPR when I arrived in the room a second behind.
'AVPU unresponsive,' the lead man shouted to his partner.
'Please, please don't let her die,' I pleaded.
The EMT continued yelling instructions. 'Gimme some four by fours,' he commanded. 'Gotta cover this hole. This is gonna be a scoop and run.'
The other medic had just finished snapping on rubber gloves. He grabbed a large piece of cut gauze and a bottle of saline solution. He put the gauze pad over the exit wound in the back top of Alexa's head, then poured saline onto the pad.
Then he shouted, 'Gimme the EPI, start an IV. We gotta get her to the truck fast.'
The second EMT opened his case and retrieved a syringe of epinephrine. The paramedic shot it into a bottle of saline and started an IV.
'Will she make it?' I croaked as they got the IV started and continued CPR, using an oxygen bottle.
'Shut up and let us do this,' the lead man snapped. Then he laid the stretcher on the floor and brought it up to bed height, and they made the transfer as he said to his partner, 'Call trauma at Big County and tell them to have a neurosurgeon and a crash cart ready. Tell 'em we have a full arrest coming in.' The second man triggered a shoulder mike and made the request.
'We can't intubate her,' the lead said. 'We gotta try and get some vitals going.' They started out with her on the gurney.
'She's my wife,' I said, trailing in their wake. They were working furiously and had dialed me out.
Then we were outside. I'd seen the drill half a dozen times before. She needed to be revived instantly or it was over.
I ran behind them and tried to follow her into the ambulance.
'You can't go,' the lead man commanded.
I snatched my badge out of my pocket, shoving it into his face as I pushed past him into the back.
All the way to the hospital, the inside of the ambulance was a turmoil of medical procedures and shouted instructions from the radio emergency medical officer at the trauma ward. The EMTs told the REMO there was no pulse or respiration. The REMO said give her this, give her that. Take lactated ringers. Put the paddles on. Shock her. The second man yelled, 'CLEAR.' A zap, and Alexa arched her spine up to meet the charge. The EKG remained flat.
'She's flat-lining. No help from the defib,' the paramedic shouted.
'Dial up the charge,' the REMO instructed. 'Try again.'
All the way there, I was pleading, 'Please don't let this be happening.'
We got to County-USC in less than fifteen minutes. The EMTs ran her out of the back of the ambulance, pushing the rolling gurney into the trauma ward. I climbed out to follow, but my legs gave out underneath me. I went down on the hard concrete and couldn't get back up. Emotional shock? Traumatic paralysis? Whatever it was, for a moment I couldn't move. I just laid behind the ambulance, moaning.
Chapter 18
I finally got my legs to work and made it into the ER, where I took a swing at a hospital attendant who was only trying to keep me out of the trauma area. I knew I was being an asshole, but I couldn't stop myself. Two cops, who were there writing a report on a DUI who'd gone through his windshield, sat me down forcibly. I cursed them out.
'Just leave me alone!' I finally shouted and tried to get up. The one nearest me pushed me back hard. I hit the wall and a picture of two horses in a wheat field fell and landed beside me. For the moment, I guess I wasn't going anywhere. Detectives started to roll in. Word had spread fast that Alexa was in the trauma unit, a possible DOA from a gunshot wound to the head. A fallen officer rates a big turnout. Every unassigned detective or Code Seven car was on the way. By noon, there were thirty plain-clothed detectives, both men and women, and again half as many uniforms sitting with me in the waiting room. I tried calling Chooch but couldn't get through. Somebody handed me a Consent for Surgery form, which I signed.
Then Raphael Figueroa and Tommy Sepulveda arrived, walking down the hall toward me, resolute looks carved on their tired faces. I knew they'd been working this straight for almost fifteen hours. Tommy stopped at a coffee machine and got three cups while Rafie came over. He nodded at the two blues who were still standing close, keeping a wary eye on me.
'I got it,' Rafie said, and they took a few steps back but continued to watch me from a distance. 'How bad is it?'
'Horrible,' I said. Tommy came over with the coffee and handed me a cup.
'I don't want that,' I snapped, so he put it on the vinyl-topped lamp table beside me.
'We heard she was all the way down in Compton. What was she doing in that ghetto?'
'She was at Slade's house,' I said, as I reached out and took the coffee, drank some, and set it back down. Bad idea. It was coming right back up. I swallowed hard three times and barely kept it down.
'What the hell was she doing there?' Rafie asked, surprised.
'I don't know,' I flared. 'Why don't you guys back off?'
'Listen, Shane. You're real lucky me and Tommy got this squeal. There's guys up at Homicide Special who would've wrapped you in canvas by now.'
'So whatta you want? A thank-you note?'
'I want you to stop attacking us. I want you to give us a little help. We're on the same side,' Tommy said.
'Right.' I still felt like I was about to throw up. Nausea was coming in waves.
Then Rafie's cell phone rang.
'Figueroa,' he said, then: 'We're there now. Yeah sure, he's sitting here with us.' Rafie handed me the phone. 'Captain Calloway.' Cal was our boss at Homicide Special.
'Hello?' My voice sounded dead even to me.
