The Age Of Odin

'Deer, rabbit, fox… Any wild game I can find. I'm not picky. The odd human occasionally.'

'You're joking.'

'Perhaps,' she said in a way that implied she was. 'I caught you, didn't I?'

'True.' I was embarrassed enough by that to want to change the subject, so I jerked a thumb in the direction the squirrel had gone. 'Anyway, what's up with Ratatouille there? It's dead of winter. Shouldn't he be hibernating and keeping his nuts warm?'

'Ratatosk is no ordinary squirrel,' Freya said. 'He keeps Yggdrasil free of worms and pests. Normally that's the Norns' job but they're exceptionally busy right now so Ratatosk has pitched in to help.'

'Do I count as a pest? Was that why he was so peeved?'

'Very much so.'

I was hoping for a flicker of amusement from her at the very least, but there was nothing.

'And who are these Norns?' I said. 'Odin mentioned them earlier.'

'Three women you really don't want to meet,' Freya said. 'The Three Sisters know our fates — our futures, our destinies — and it isn't always wise to learn where you're going in life before you get there.'

'Oh. No, I suppose it isn't.'

She looked at me sidelong. 'May I say something, Gideon?'

'Please. Gid.'

She shrugged. Made no difference to her. 'I find you hard to fathom. You affect nonchalance about everything, yet clearly you are a man of passion.'

Was this a come-on? Was Freya flirting with me? I didn't think so, but decided to take an approach as if she was. What did I have to lose?

'I am,' I said, 'beneath this unflappable exterior, a smouldering volcano. Tap into me and you'll see. Watch the lava flow out.'

I added a wink. Few women could resist cheeky chappie Gid with his charm firing on all cylinders.

Freya, it turned out, was one of the few.

'Do you not see,' she said, untouched by the waves of sheer sexual magnetism washing over her, 'that we are engaged in a vital enterprise here? Nothing less than the fate of the Nine Worlds depends on us.'

'Yeah, does it?'

'Of course. Yggdrasil is dying. Do you realise what that signifies?'

I glanced up at the intricate weave of branches. 'Looks fine to me. In tree-mendous shape, in fact.'

She snorted. Jokes, even the lamest ones, didn't work on her. Seriously hard to crack, this woman, and I was beginning to wonder why I was bothering. Other than she was just plain gorgeous, supermodel-standard, and oh, that arse of hers, and nobody ever said that Gideon Coxall didn't set his sights high. Aim high, and if you failed, you still failed better than if you aimed low and failed.

'Do not be deceived,' Freya said. 'Yggdrasil may look strong, but it is old, so old. The World Tree has been standing since the dawn of time, and its ancient boughs are tired and its aged trunk is hollow. Those ruptures on its bark, those patches that look as though it has exploded from the inside out? See? Those are cankers. Disease. And sometimes, in storms, battered by winds, you can hear it groaning horribly, in agony. When Yggdrasil falls…'

She shuddered. Faltered.

'But it must not fall,' she said. 'If it does, all is lost.'

'What all?'

'Everything. The Nine Worlds. Destroyed. Utterly.'

'Maybe a decent tree surgeon…'

'Oh, forget it!' she snapped, scowling. 'You do not understand. You cannot hope to, with a mind as limited as yours. You are as blinkered as any mortal I have met, Gid Coxall. Here, you are being given the opportunity to take part in the most important conflict there has ever been — the only conflict that has mattered or will matter. You have come because fate has decreed it. You are one of the few, the chosen. You are being offered honour and glory the likes of which most men would sell their own mothers for. Yet all you do is snipe and wisecrack and bluster. Ignoring self-evident truths proves nothing except that you are ignorant.'

And with that, she stomped off towards the forest.

I didn't take too kindly to being barked at, even if the person doing the barking was, ahem, far from a dog. I raced after her and, abandoning all caution, grabbed her by the arm.

She froze, and out of the corner of her mouth hissed, 'Unhand me. Unhand me, or I will unhand you.'

'No, you just listen to me a moment, Freya…'

'I'm serious.' Her palm was resting on the hilt of her sheathed knife. 'If you do not remove your hand from my arm this instant, I will cut it off and leave you to bleed to death in the snow.'

I yanked her around to face me.

There was a metallic scrape, and an inch of knife blade shone in the starlight.

'You clearly do not value your life,' she said.

'No,' I said, 'what I value is straight talking, and ever since I arrived I've had none of that. It's all been 'Ooh, look at us, we're Norse gods, tra-la-la, we're immortal, we're going to war,' and I've had it up to here with that. I want the honest, unpolished truth. I want one of you, just one, to admit this is pure makebelieve. Poncing around with your myths and legends and your magic trees and your talking squirrels, when you all know deep down it's a load of bollocks. I don't believe in gods, and you people don't either, not really. You're playing a game. All of this, the medieval re-enactment banquets, the daft names, the props like Thor's hammer, it's all a game. Come on, admit it. I'm right, aren't I?'

Freya stared at me. Tight-lipped. Imperturbable.

'And what's more, you know what I think?' She wasn't interested, but I was going to tell her anyway. 'I think you're not just lunatics, you're dangerous lunatics. That Odin, he's brainwashed everybody around him. He's got this, this personality cult thing going, and he's using it, using you, not to mention all those soldiers stuffing their faces back there in the castle, for some kind of sinister purpose, and if I had to hazard a guess what it was, I'd say it was overthrowing the government, or attempting to. Like those white supremacists in the States, the ones who live in compounds in the mountains and collect small arms and are waiting to rise up against the authorities — when they're not busy screwing their sisters and twiddling on banjos, that is. Far-right redneck fruitcakes who go on about racial purity and Aryanism, and they all want to be blonde and Nordic, don't they? That's the ideal. I think they're even into Norse mythology too, only they don't take it quite so far as imagining they actually are Norse gods. Even they're not quite that daft. But that's what I reckon you're up to, what the Valhalla Mission is. You've taken a leaf out of those inbred hillbillies' book, and you've got the prime minister and parliament in your sights because they're all part of some worldwide conspiracy, right? Some Jewish Zionist oppression bullshit which you're going to stand against, you're the last best hope against.'

I paused to draw breath. It was a ramshackle theory with holes in it you could drive an HGV through, but it was best I'd been able to cobble together and was, I felt, fundamentally sound.

'Finished?' said Freya.

'Yes. No! So what needs to happen, what someone needs to do, is get the fuck out of this place and report you to the powers-that-be. I'm astonished, frankly, that someone hasn't done it already, but then I guess a hefty wage packet helps seal lips and secure loyalty, doesn't it? But you need to be investigated. Your secret needs to be got out so that the police can come and break this all up and put away the ringleaders, the chief whackos, starting with Odin. That's what needs to happen.'

'And you're the man to do it, yes?'

I realised that, in my ranting infuriation, I'd given away too much. I'd announced my intentions, and now I was officially on these people's wrong side. Typical me. Leaping without looking.

No choice now but to brazen it out.

'Perhaps,' I said. 'Yes. Or maybe not. I don't know. The cops and I don't exactly have a sterling track record together. But somebody at least should blow your operation wide open, even if it's with, maybe, an anonymous phone call. Anonymous tip-off. Something along those lines.'

'Well,' Freya said, 'go on then.'

I blinked. 'Huh?'

She removed my hand from her, easily, like plucking off a stray hair that had attached itself to her clothes. I'd