The Age Of Odin

'We've trimmed it down to the relevant portions,' said Skuld.

I was baffled. They'd just shown me me, some kind of magical filmic compilation of events taken from my life, Gid's Greatest Hits — and now we were about to watch an edited version of a programme off ITV or Channel 4? The contrast was almost surreal.

What the hell. Might as well play couch potato for a bit.

I leaned back, folding my arms behind my head and stretching out my legs.

'Don't suppose anybody's got any popcorn?' I said.

Twenty-Seven

Transcribed excerpts from Makepeace Meets… President Keener

Makepeace: [in studio,to camera] Good evening. I'm Peter Makepeace, and tonight on Makepeace Meets… we have a rare exclusive. For the past three weeks we've been granted continuous, unrestricted access to the subject of this episode. We've been following her every step, filming her while she handles her punishing workload, catching her on off-guard moments, interviewing her candidly one-to-one on several occasions, and also seeing her at home as she juggles the challenges of the most important and difficult job in the world with the arguably no less demanding role of wife and mother. She's a controversial figure, to put it mildly, much loved in her homeland, less so abroad, outspoken, gutsy, not afraid to stand up for what she believes in, intolerant of dissent, a strong advocate of libertarianism and individual responsibility who also implements draconian laws and espouses a hawkish foreign policy. There hasn't been a stateswoman of international standing to match her since Margaret Thatcher. She is, of course, the first female President of the United States, President Keener.

Audio Description Commentary: There is a sequence of shots. We see President Keener going over papers in the Oval Office — climbing aboard Air Force One — meeting a delegation of African heads of state — listening attentively while her daughter practises the violin.

Makepeace: Who is this woman who came from nowhere to seize the most powerful political post on the planet? How do her strong Christian principles influence and inform her decision-making? Why is America so in thrall to her that it has elected her twice, both times by a landslide? And what are her hopes and plans for the future? Over the next hour we are, I believe, going to answer those questions through our unrivalled fly-on-the-wall coverage of the day-to-day dealings of the USA's First Lady. This is Makepeace Meets… President Keener. Keep watching.

Audio Description Commentary: Peter and the president are strolling across a snow- covered White House lawn. They are well-wrapped-up against the weather. She has her arm linked through his.

Mrs Keener: People claim I play up my Georgia roots, Pete. Some of the civil liberties groups say I shouldn't be so darn proud of where I come from. The South has a history, as you may be aware, not that charming a one. But, what, I'm supposed to be ashamed 'cause of stuff my forebears did? Ain't there a statute of limitations on that kinda thing?

Audio Description Commentary: She continues over a montage of scenes of her hometown. Caption: 'Wonder Springs, Georgia.' We see a leafy street lined with antebellum houses — the sign outside a Baptist church — white and African-American children playing together in a schoolyard — an elderly couple in a swing chair on a front porch — customers in a diner eating pancakes — a pick-up truck driving down a lonely dirt road.

Mrs Keener: What happened back then happened. I can't change it. But if I open my mouth and all some folks hear is the voice of a segregationist or even, God forbid, a slave owner — well, I tell you, the problem ain't with me, it's with them. There's an urban intellectual elite in this country that'd like to think anyplace below the Mason-Dixon line is an embarrassment, an irrelevance, not the real America. But Pete, I beg to differ. They can't dismiss so many millions of Americans just like that. They're the minority. I believe I represent the honest, hard-working, dollar-earning, tax-paying majority. We're the ones who count, not them bow-tied, buttoned-up so-called smart guys in the college towns and the Manhattan high-rises. All they do is chatter and bellyache. The rest of us get out there and actually achieve.

Makepeace: You're just a local girl who got extraordinarily lucky? Who was in the right place at the right time?

Mrs Keener: Pete, that's precisely it! I'm nothing special. How I got to where I am today is simple. I am the people who voted me in. I'm them, and they recognise that. I'm not some overeducated lawyer or some Harvard Business School type. I'm not someone who's spent her entire life in politics and knows nothing else. I speak the same language as most Americans speak. I may not have a pretty turn of phrase or use a bunch of fancy two-bit words, but what I am is someone who says what the average American says and thinks what the average American thinks.

Makepeace: The people's president.

Mrs Keener: You said it.

Makepeace: What about when someone calls you a redneck, Mrs Keener? I'm thinking of a recent New York Times editorial. What do you say to them?

Mrs Keener: What I say to them is there ain't nothing wrong with a bit of sunburn, if it means you've been outdoors working hard. 'Course, these days, we're lucky to see any sun at all, ain't we?

Audio Description Commentary: The president is being given a guided tour of a munitions factory by its CEO and other executives. Caption: 'Murdstone Dynamics Engineering Plant, Outside Louisville, Kentucky.' Workers on a sheet-metal production line smile as she greets them.

Mrs Keener: You guys are doing such a great job here. Our forces on the frontline have every reason to be grateful to you.

Audio Description Commentary: Mrs Keener breaks away from the group of executives to talk directly to one woman in coveralls and protective goggles.

Mrs Keener: Hey there. How're you doing?

Worker: Can I just say, Lois — oh, may I call you Lois?

Mrs Keener: Of course you may. Your name badge says Darlene. May I call you that?

Worker: I'd be honoured. Can I just say, Lois, we at Murdstone should be thanking you, not the other way round. You've given us so much work. Our jobs are secure. I can go home each night knowing I'm putting food on the table and a roof over my family's head, and I don't have to worry about defence budget cuts and factory closures and being made redundant, which I did with the previous president. You have no idea how much that means.

Mrs Keener: If it means a lot to you, it means a lot to me. No, don't cry, Darlene. You're gonna set me off too. Oh, there, see? You have. Come on, gimme a hug. There you go.

Makepeace: [voiceover] It can't be denied she has the common touch, and I don't think it's just for show. She seems genuinely moved by her reception on the factory floor, and I can't think of another politician who would spontaneously and openly hug a person they'd just met like that, and share a tear with them. It's a remarkable sight. Truly unique.

Mrs Keener: I promise y'all are going to continue to have plenty to keep you busy. Here and at its other plants across the land Murdstone Dynamics has been working on a number of special projects for the Pentagon, which are currently being tested out west in places like Wright Patterson and China Lake and are almost ready to go. Some of you are probably manufacturing ordnance and spare parts for those right now. Keep it up. America's safety, and the safety of the free world, depends on you.

Makepeace: Ted, not a dumb question I hope, but what's it like being the First Husband?