The Age Of Odin

'Then today's the day they learn a new word.'

Jensen yanked on the cyclic control column and took us in close to Utgard. We buzzed the jotun stronghold clockwise, banking steeply, and by the time we were halfway round, scores of frost giants were appearing on the battlements and on the balconies of towers. They gesticulated at us. They hopped up and down. I could see them yelling, and you didn't have to be a lip-reader to tell that they weren't showering us with warm words of welcome. Several of them, to get their point across, even turned, bent over and mooned us.

'A frostie's arse,' I said. 'Ugh. There's a sight I hoped I'd never see again.'

Once we'd completed our circuit and made sure there couldn't be a single frost giant in Utgard who wasn't aware of our presence, Jensen stamped on the rudder pedals and we veered sharply off at right angles.

'How far out do you want me to set down?'

'Near, but not too near. A klick should do it. They're already spooked, so best not rub it in. Besides, I fancy a stroll more than a hike.'

I went aft to inform the team that we were on standby to land, not that they didn't know this already.

To the lads I said, 'Kindly fasten your seatbelts, return your tray tables to upright, and stop trying to fondle the stewardesses' bums.'

Then to the Valkyries I said, 'Ladies, you're here for emergency extraction purposes only. We come out of that place running, with a hod of frost giants up our arses, you swoop in and pick us up and get us back to Sleipnir ASAP.'

The three of them looked at me as though I was the village idiot telling them how to tie their own shoelaces.

'We have trailer sleds fastened to the rear of our snowmobiles,' one of them said. 'What else are we likely to be wanting to do with them?'

'Just don't dawdle. You spot us coming, no hanging around, come fetch, fast as you can.'

'We know how to drive these vehicles, mortal. Unlike some.'

'Yeah, yeah, all right. I'm sorry. How many times do I have to say it? I stole your snowmobile and crashed it, and I'm sorry. It'll never happen again.'

Apologies didn't wash with Valkyries, apparently. I wasn't ever going to be forgiven for my spot of twocking. They'd patched the snowmobile up, beaten out the dents and got it working again, but still. I'd sullied their 'precious thing' with my grubby non-godly hands and that was an unpardonable offence.

Nonetheless, I didn't doubt that they would race to our rescue if need be, all guns blazing. According to Odin, the Valkyries were as dependable as rain at a picnic (although that wasn't precisely how he'd put it) and, moreover, they loved a good scrap. If we got into difficulties they'd be there like a shot. Trouble was something Valkyries hurried towards, not away from. They had a nose for it, Odin had said. Could scent it a mile off. Lapped it up.

Sleipnir bumped to earth, flinging up great billows of powder snow around it. The cargo ramp opened, letting in a burst of frigid air, and the Valkyries mounted their snowmobiles and roared outside, trailer sleds rattling along behind them. Each trailer sled seated two and, practising with them, we'd found that it was a safe ride, as long as you hung on for dear life to the handle grips on the sides. Otherwise you could easily get bounced off. The Valkyries parked in the lee of the chopper, whose fuselage screened them from direct line of sight from Utgard. The rest of us shouldered our weapons and, hunching against the bite of a bitter wind, began the march across the ice to the stronghold.

Forty

There was a reception committee waiting at the gate. A couple of dozen frost giants in full ice-armour regalia, armaments galore, and not a friendly smile to be seen. I motioned to the others to hold back. Then, solo, I set a tentative foot on the bridge spanning the crevasse. A quick glance over the edge showed me a sheer and apparently bottomless drop. I felt a wobble of vertigo. No handrail, no barrier of any kind, nothing to stop you slipping off the side and falling if you didn't watch your footing. Health and Safety would have had a stroke.

I took another step forwards, and the frost giants firmed their grips on their weapons and growled.

One of them had a fancier helmet and a more ornately engraved breastplate than the rest, marking him out as the commanding officer present, captain of the guard or some such. He came out a few paces from the gateway to challenge me, issgeisl to the fore.

'Aesir!' he boomed. 'Halt. You are trespassing on sovereign jotun territory. It is prohibited. Take one step further and perish.'

'Two points, sunshine,' I said, ticking them off on my fingers. 'One: I'm not an Aesir, I'm just your bog- standard mortal. And two: it's not really trespassing if you come in an official capacity, is it?'

The frost giant just snarled, revealing blunt yellow teeth.

'All right,' I said, 'I'm willing to concede on that. You say I'm trespassing, then I am. But I have business here.'

'With who?'

'First off, can I ask your name?'

He looked startled. 'My name is no affair of yours.'

'Hear, hear!' agreed one of the frost giants behind him. 'That's the way, Suttung, give him nothing.'

I nearly snorted with laughter.

The captain of the guard, Suttung, wheeled round and clouted the other frost giant with the flat of his issgeisl blade.

'Dimwit!' he cried. 'Next time think before you open your mouth.'

The other frost giant, rubbing his head, took a moment to work out what he'd done wrong, then cringed with shame.

'Well now… Suttung, is it?' I said. 'I was wondering if Bergelmir's in.'

'What if he is?' Suttung puffed out his chest, hoping to regain some of the authority his subordinate had lost for him.

'I want a word with him. I'd like to parley.'

'Parley?' Suttung frowned. 'You come here with guns, yet all you wish to do is talk? Forgive me if I find that hard to believe.'

'I understand your suspicion, but the guns are just a precaution. Face it, you wouldn't turn up on the doorstep at Asgard unarmed, would you? But look at us. Only six of us, and there's three times as many of you guys here and thousands more within those walls. We're obviously no threat. We'd be crazy to think we were. Therefore you have to accept that what I'm saying is true. It stands to reason.'

Suttung tried to look sly and knowing, which for the average frostie did not come naturally. 'This could all be some trick. Some clever ploy. Odin is a cunning one.'

'Nah, you're thinking of Loki there, mate, not Odin. But it is on the All-Father's behalf that we've come. I'd very much like an audience with Bergelmir, in Odin's name.'

'And what if mighty Bergelmir does not desire an audience with you?'

'Oh he will,' I said. 'Just give him this message. Tell him, 'Hval the Bald's a lot shorter than he used to be.' Coming from a human, that ought to tweak his todger.'

Minutes passed. Then the frost giant that Suttung had sent off with my message returned, and not long after that the six of us were being escorted through Utgard. The city guard formed a tight phalanx around us, and every so often there'd be a spot of jostling, an 'accidental' jab with an elbow, an attempt to trip one of us up with a carelessly trailing weapon haft. None of us rose to it, we kept our cool, and soon enough the frost giants got bored of trying to provoke us. It was no fun if we didn't react.

Utgard really was a marvel. I hated to be so impressed by it, but I was. The place had everything you might have expected to find in a medium-size metropolis, all the amenities — shops, workplaces, plazas, accommodation — and every last bit of it constructed from ice. Ice walls, ice windows, ice furniture, ice tools. I saw a fishmonger's shop, his goods laid out in front keeping fresh on ice trays. I saw jotun kids, tall as me, playing with dolls of ice. I saw municipal statues, ice sculptures far larger and more intricate than any I'd ever seen made by human hands. A