I Spy a Dark Obsession

and the desire to bitch him out. Stepping from the car, he resisted the natural urge to look for Agent Thompson’s sedan, which would give away his location to the bad guys, should there be any lurking.

At the door, he let his fist fly, not caring if he disturbed all the neighbors with the commotion. “Bastian!” Bang, bang, bang. “Open up! Let me in, goddammit!”

Silence. Bang, bang. “Let me in right now, or I swear to God I’ll break in this fucking—”

The door rattled, swung open. Bastian stood there scowling. “Jesus, I was asleep. What the fuck do you want, Michael?”

“What do I—” He heaved a breath, attempting to gain control. “You cleared your shit out and left without so much as a note, and you ask what I want? What the hell do you think? Tell me why, dammit!”

But he pretty much knew why, didn’t he? Which didn’t improve his position. He’d have to do better to reach his friend.

Bastian’s lips twisted in a bitter parody of a smile. “You’d better come in before we give a free show to the neighbors.”

Fuming, Michael followed the man inside, and, without waiting for an explanation, began with the strongest argument. “Are you crazy? You’re not safe from Dietz here, especially now. You’re a rabbit in a hole, waiting to get torn apart by his rabid wolves.”

“Thanks. Your vote of confidence warms my heart.”

“Don’t give me that crap! Are you forgetting I nearly died after the hit he put out on me?”

Bastian’s face paled. “If I live to be a hundred, I’ll never forget. I was the one begging you not to die, remember?”

As if Michael didn’t feel like a big enough pile of dung already. “Then we both know firsthand what he’s capable of,” he said, softening his tone. “Come home, where you belong. Where I can protect you.”

The other man barked a humorless laugh, shaking his head. “You’re a real piece of work, you know that? Tell me, who’s supposed to protect me from you?”

His fists clenched, but he forced himself to remain calm. “Okay, after last night, I deserve that. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

“Mighty big of you to admit. I’ll mark the calendar.”

“But you’ll also recall that you looked right into my eyes after I’d been shot and admitted I’d never once lied to you about my feelings.”

“Yes. I said you had nothing to apologize for, and you don’t,” he said in a clipped voice. “But that doesn’t change what you mean to me and always will. I can’t turn off how I feel like flipping a switch. You think I wanted to fall in love with my straight best friend? What a joke.”

Michael swallowed hard. Bastian hadn’t said those words since the day he’d driven Michael into Maggie’s arms by uttering them. He hadn’t been able to run fast enough. And now? God, he was so confused.

“It’s not a joke. Your feelings could never be funny to me.”

“Good to know.” Cocking his head, he studied Michael, hope flickering briefly in his green eyes. “Tell me something else — besides the danger from Dietz, why should I return to the estate with you? Because my plans for today are to catch a nap, take care of some personal stuff around here, then move to one of the empty living quarters on the SHADO compound until he’s caught. I’ll be safer there than anywhere.”

He’s testing you. Don’t fuck this up.

Meeting his friend’s gaze, he said, “Come back. Because I need you. Because my whole world is off-kilter without you there, and I want to protect you.” The hopeful light dimmed, changed to sadness, and his gut flipped. “What?”

“There was a whole lot of ‘I’ in those sentences. What about me?”

“I don’t get you! What do you want me to say?”

“Nothing you don’t mean.” He started to turn. “Go home, Michael. I’m tired.”

His hand shot out and he grabbed his friend’s arm, yanking him around. “For God’s sake, give me a clue!”

“No. If I have to tell you, the words will never hold any value. And I’m not talking about ‘I love you,’ either. Though I’d be the happiest bastard alive if you said and meant them.”

“Then I must be an idiot, because I don’t understand what else there is.”

This was not going according to plan. What more did the man want? He tried a different tack.

“You said you can’t turn off how you feel like flipping a switch? Well, I can’t come to grips overnight with how I feel.”

“About?”

“Us.”

“You made it crystal clear last night there is no us,” he whispered, shaking off Michael’s grip. “Why are you doing this to me? Ripping my heart out two, three times isn’t good enough for you? You want blood?”

“That’s not completely fair to me. You can’t expect me to change on a dime,” he repeated. “But I think I am changing. Something’s happening to me, Bastian. I look at you and I have these weird, overwhelming feelings. I get feverish, like — like I have the flu or something. I picture my home without you in it, and I can’t breathe. You confuse me, and I don’t know what to do.”

The hope he’d glimpsed before flashed again, but Bastian shook his head. “I’m not going to be your guinea pig while you figure out why I make you sweat. I’m my own man, I have a shred of pride left, and I’m done.”

His mouth fell open. “Done. With me?”

“I’ll always be your friend, but I have to distance myself from you for my own good. For a while, anyway. I think it’s for the best.”

“And if I do figure it out? What then?”

“I may be here… or I may not. I guess that’s the chance you’ll have to take,” he said softly. Walking to the door, he opened it, the message clear. “See you at work.”

Michael found he could barely speak. “Okay. If that’s the way you want it.”

“I seriously doubt it was ever a question of what I wanted. Good-bye, Michael.”

As soon as Michael stepped outside, the door shut and locked behind him. He stood for a long moment, completely stunned. And more bereft than he’d been since Maggie was killed.

As he walked away, he thought he heard a sound like a muffled sob.

But it was probably his imagination.

Bastian leaned against the door. Hung his head and tried to stifle a sob, and didn’t quite succeed. “Oh, God.”

That had been the hardest thing he’d ever done. If you love something, set it free…

What total bullshit. He’d probably just made the biggest mistake of his life. Now Michael would happily retreat back into his nice, safe hetero world with his virtue mostly intact — the illadvised, experimental, guy blow job notwithstanding. Katrina would no doubt be glad to help scrub the memory from his brain.

But Bastian remembered the man’s passionate kiss. The raw desire on his face as he watched Bastian’s lips slide up and down his cock. A man couldn’t fake loving the sex.

No way was Michael faking the pain on his face a few minutes ago as he’d tried to bare his soul to his best friend. And you shut him down, practically kicked him out.

His heart screamed at him to go after Michael, call him back. Tell him that he didn’t mean any of it, that he didn’t want any distance between them.

His head advised that would be the exact wrong move. Deep down, he knew Michael needed this time to work out whatever was going on in that head of his.

But he would not allow himself to sit around and mope. And wait. He had a life to resume, and, fuck it all, that’s exactly what he was going to do.

And if Michael didn’t like it? He had the power to make Bastian his… if he got his mind and his heart on the