his intentions are. She asks whether he still loves his family. She asks if he remembers our blood grandfather, her husband, who was the Emperor's younger brother. He died when his leg was crushed by a horse. He was a hero. Our grandmother asks the Emperor if the past means anything to him. She asks him if he knows how wretched life in Rome is now.'
They watched in silence again.
'Does he receive these letters?' Julilla asked.
None of them knew.
After a time Nilla gave a deep sigh and led her sisters away from the door. Burrus stood from where he had been kneeling by the wall, sharpening the blade of his sword.
'Our grandmother's intentions are good but her energies are ineffective,' said Nilla to her sisters, looking at Burrus as she spoke.
He agreed without saying anything.
'These letters do not work. We need another means to take our family's concerns to the Emperor.'
Burrus had been giving the matter thought. The younger girls peeled away to their own quiet corners of their grandmother's house while Nilla and her slave sat in sunshine in the garden. They made a plan and liked it, considering it from all angles to see where it might fail. They agreed it could fail in many places — it was steeped in risk — but how much worse would it be to do nothing?
'Flamma would agree with us,' Burrus.
'As would my mother.'
They lay in the soft, green grass for a time, kissing and holding hands. Then, when hunger made them rise again, they were shocked to find the Augusta, Livia, in the garden with them. But my domina was unperturbed. She merely nodded at them from where she sat beneath a bare fig tree, enjoying the thin winter sun.
For a brief moment Nilla gave thought to approaching her, bowing and kissing her hands. She considered asking her great-grandmother's opinions on everything she and Burrus had just discussed. She felt as if she could trust her great-grandmother, this beautiful, seemingly ageless woman, who had slept for so long that Nilla had forgotten she existed. Then she remembered her mother's bile. Agrippina believed Livia had been connected to Nilla's father's death, along with the Emperor, too. And although Nilla had loyally echoed her mother's conviction, a voice inside her had never let her wholly believe it. It was Nilla's secret belief that another person had been responsible for Germanicus's murder.
But all these thoughts lasted only an instant before they left Nilla's head. Livia closed her eyes in the pale yellow sun and appeared to doze. Nilla threaded her fingers in Burrus's hand again and kissed his lips.
'She does not mind how close we are,' said Burrus, who had been relieved to see Livia's reaction.
Nilla considered this. 'Perhaps it's because she knows how it is when the one you love most is enslaved.'
The Nones of February
AD 27
Four weeks later: seeking a scapegoat for the recent calamities, the people of Rome declare the Emperor's departure to Capri an evil omen
The sisters sat as close together as the tiny boat allowed, their teeth chattering in the chilly night air. Nilla squatted in the middle, with Drusilla and Julilla huddled on each side of her, their arms wrapped around her waist. They presented resolute, determined faces to the world and hid their terror behind their eyes. But Burrus could see it, rowing them across the three placid miles of sea from the Surrentum promontory to the landing on harbourless Capri. He felt terror too, and perhaps would have succumbed to it had the sisters not been present. But for their sake — for Nilla's most of all — he kept it down.
'What will happen to us?' asked Julilla again.
No one replied.
'What will happen?'
'Ssh,' Nilla whispered.
'Why can't you just tell me? Why do we have to go to this place at all?'
Nilla caught Burrus's eye in the moonlight as he rowed them. They found comfort in the looks of love they gave to each other. 'Because of our mother,' she whispered to Julilla. 'And our brother, Little Boots, too.'
'He could be all alone on the island. No one knows. Grandmother Antonia has tried sending letters but they remain unanswered. It is our duty to now take action on her behalf,' Drusilla said.
'Shouldn't we have told her we were going?'
'Julilla, please stop asking questions,' said Drusilla.
'Why didn't we ask our older brothers to help us?'
No one said anything more.
The sisters had received no contact from both Nero and Drusus in months. Nilla guessed they sought to keep their togas spotless from their mother's fall. They could not be blamed. When things improved, perhaps they would embrace their forgotten siblings again.
The only sound was that of Burrus's strong young arms slicing the oars through the waves.
'I want our mother,' Julilla said softly, after a time.
'We all do,' said Drusilla. Each girl felt tears come to her eyes at their continued prevention from seeing Agrippina or knowing of her fate.
'Your mother would want you to be brave, domina,' Burrus said to Julilla.
The youngest sister nodded, but her tears were wet upon her cheeks.
I had never seen such fury in Livilla. I knew her to be sly and scheming, but never so vicious as to beat another person physically. Yet the violence with which she kicked and struck her nephew Drusus was of a magnitude that her grandmother Livia would have respected. When the yelping Drusus fell under her slaps and punches, she struck him in the face with her heel. Then she aimed her foot at his privates, sparing him nothing with repeated sharp blows, while he writhed and screamed in torment. It was fascinating for me, a hidden witness, to see a patrician suffer this assault. Any slave in his place would have taken such treatment resignedly. But to see a patrician suffer it was to marvel that he was nothing so much as surprised.
When Livilla had finally spent herself, she sat down in a chair, exhausted. The dog Scylax, who had excitedly enjoyed the beating, ran to lick her reddened hand while Drusus tried to recover himself on the floor. Having stumbled upon this scene wholly by accident, I was conscious of not moving or even taking a breath from behind the partly open door from where I watched.
'Nothing,' said Livilla at last. 'Absolutely nothing at all.'
'I am sorry, Aunt,' Drusus whimpered.
'How can this be? You swore to me Nero was perverted — that he harboured desires for men. Yet what proof have you brought me of this?'
'I am sorry, Aunt.'
'Nothing at all.'
I was confused. What had Drusus done with the many pages of detailed notes on his brother's activities that I had secreted into his rooms upon my domina 's orders?
'You've failed me, Drusus. Get out of my sight.'
I sprung away from the door and made haste down the corridor before Drusus caught me witnessing this shameful exchange. I reached the end just as he hobbled from the room. I turned and was able to glance at his face before he ducked away. He was transfixed by fear. I almost pitied him. He had made a pact with a woman as captivating as she was terrifying. He was no different to me.
I lingered for a few moments, trying to decide my next course. Then I chastised myself. There was no other course left for me. Already feeling the inevitable blows from the rod, I prepared to stumble through the maze of Oxheads corridors until I found my domina. Within moments of my setting out, however, she found me.
'Iphicles.'
' Domina?' To my vague dismay, Lygdus was in attendance upon Livia as she made her progress through the halls. 'I was just coming to find you.'
'To confess your crimes?'
