Griffin’s hands came up to wrap around the bedpost behind her, trapping her in his embrace, though she felt no need to escape. In fact, she welcomed his touch. It was like living a dream.
With his arms up, she could see every line and contour of his chest straining against his white cotton shirt. He was broad, proportioned just right for his muscular shoulders and long legs. With trembling hands, she unlaced her fingers from behind his head and slowly repeated his earlier action, dragging the digits down his chest. The muscles bunched beneath her touch, tightening as his pupils dilated with desire.
“Oh, Griffin,” she sighed, leaning up to kiss him again. But instead of returning her kiss, he suddenly stiffened, backing away from her a step as he shook his head.
“I’m going to stop now.” His voice was gentle as he released the bedpost to take her hands in his.
“Why?” Confused tears stung her eyes as she realized she was to be rejected yet again.
“Because if I don’t now, I won’t be able to.” He touched her cheek with the back of his hand.
She closed her eyes at the gentle caress, her desire flaming once more. “What if I don’t want you to stop?”
His jagged breath made her eyes fly open and she watched as he took another step away.
“You think you don’t now, but later you’d hate me. And I would hate myself.”
She turned her head as the heat of desire turned to humiliation. “I understand.”
Yes, she understood perfectly. All this kissing and desire was some kind of reaction to six months of loneliness. He didn’t want her, he wanted a warm body in his bed. And when he thought of the consequences to that body being hers, he backed away.
“I don’t think you do understand.”
An awkward silence slammed between them like a steel door. Audrey fidgeted in her spot for a moment, trying to regain some of the confidence the past five years had given her. If only she could change the subject, perhaps she would remember how strong that time had made her.
“How did the dinner go then?” The slight tremor in her voice made her wince.
Ducking his head, Griffin shrugged one shoulder, evidence that he was as uncomfortable with their current situation as she was. “It went well enough. Ellison was his usual preening self, but he didn’t reveal anything of use to your case.”
“And where is Noah?” she asked as she slowly edged away from the bed toward the door. When she’d been angry, going into Griffin’s room hadn’t seemed like an outrageous thing to do. Once he started touching her, she hadn’t cared where they were as long as he was holding her. But now, rejected and embarrassed, she realized just how compromised she was.
Still, she couldn’t help but peer around the room, curious about Griffin’s private life. The chamber was strangely sparse, the only ornate piece of furniture was the large four-poster bed facing the fire. The rest of the pieces were plain and small, almost as if they didn’t fit in the enormous room. A door led off to her right and another to her left. One probably led to Griffin’s sitting room or study and the other to Luci’s bedroom.
With a shiver, Audrey turned her face down to stare at the wood flooring. The last thing she wanted to do was think of Luci’s bed, Luci’s room, Luci’s life in this house.
“Noah went off to put a bit of pressure on a lovely widow who he thought might have some information,” Griffin answered with a flash of a grin that brought her back to reality.
“Oh, good Lord,” Audrey laughed as the tension eased out of her body at her brother’s latest, predictable antics. “He never misses an opportunity, does he?”
Griffin frowned. “Did your brother often leave you alone on missions?”
She smiled sadly. “I suppose he did it often enough over the years. I expected it, for there were places only he could go. I always had Hannah to protect me and keep me company.”
“Yes, but you must have been lonely just the same.”
Griffin finally took her silent cues and opened the bedroom door to motion for her to step out. She followed his lead, leaving the masculine place where she’d nearly begged him to take her innocence and entering the bland hallway where they could both pretend nothing had happened between them. Though she should have felt relief, Audrey couldn’t help but take a backwards glance at Griffin’s room before allowing him to take her to the library down the hall.
“I suppose I was lonely from time to time. But I knew my role,” she answered as she settled into a leather chair by the fire and watched Griffin pour himself a snifter of port.
When he offered her a glass, she nodded.
“What do you mean, you knew your role?” Griffin took the chair beside her as he handed her the glass.
Slowly she sipped the wine, letting its rich, heady flavor fill her senses as she contemplated the question.
“Everyone has a role to play in life,” she began. “Right now you’re playing Lord of the keep, are you not? The great Viscount Berenger, future Earl of Ashton? Once upon a time you dreamed of other roles. I remember privateer and war hero were two of your favorites.”
Griffin gave her a half grin. “I’m surprised you remember those children’s games.”
“I remember everything.”
He didn’t answer, though his face tightened at her honest answer. For a moment she wished she could take the words back, but realized it would be pointless. Griffin obviously knew what a ninny she’d once been and what a silly girl she still was.
She struggled to continue her explanation. “A-at any rate, what Noah and I do is only an exaggerated playing of those roles. Noah plays the rake. He has enough power and money to influence those around him, but is allowed into the seedy underbelly of society if he chooses to play out his vices there.” She grinned. “And I’m sorry to say he relishes the role.”
Griffin laughed as the tension around his eyes bled away. “I imagine he does.”
“I believe Hannah’s role is the most interesting,” she continued. “She isn’t only my protector and maid, but her past allows her to do things most women would never dream of.”
“Her past?” He cocked his head with interest while he sipped his port.
“Hannah was once…” she paused, searching for a genteel word for her maid’s former profession. “She was a… well, prostitute is the best word for it.”
He stared at her in disbelief. “Hannah?”
“You wouldn’t know it to look at her now, would you?” Audrey said with a nod. “Noah found her God knows how and God knows where. I don’t ask and they don’t tell me. She left that life to join us. However, knowing the ins and outs of that world has come in handy to us many a time.”
“What do you think of Hannah’s former life?”
Griffin’s question took her aback for a moment.
“Hannah frightened me when I first met her,” she admitted with a blush. “I’d always been sheltered and taught that a woman who sold herself was the lowest person one could meet. But Hannah was so kind. I imagine her story was one of many young women. She was thrust into that life by circumstance. I cannot judge her when I was raised in a fancy house with everything I could ever desire. I never knew her kind of desperation.”
She watched Griffin closely for his reaction. Most men of the
He simply smiled at her.
“You’ve matured so much in five years.” His voice grew bitter when he continued, “A woman with Hannah’s past can be the most caring and decent woman, while one respected by society can be a harridan and a fraud.”
At his harsh tone, Audrey leaned closer. The brief anger and betrayal that had clouded his eyes faded in an instant.
“So what is your role in the masquerade?” he asked as he cleared his throat.
“My role,” she answered with a small sigh. “Is that of the lady. It’s the most boring of the bunch.”
He let out a short burst of laughter. “Why?”
“I wear the beautiful gowns and the elaborate hairstyles, but I cannot ever do anything dangerous. I’m simply there to listen and learn what I can from the gossip of the aristocracy. You’d be amazed what people will say when
