attracted to you, he may even care for you, but after everything he’s been through, he’ll never be able to give you what you want. Or what you need.” Noah’s expression relaxed and he looked at her with the pure love of a concerned brother. “Do you want to go through that hurt again?”
“No,” she whispered. “Of course not.”
Noah straightened up and opened his arms. Though his words made her prickle with defensiveness, she walked into his embrace and allowed him to hug her.
“I adore you, Audrey. I don’t want to see you in pain.” His voice was muffled in her hair.
“I realize you mean well,” she conceded. “But I’m handling this as best I can. Griffin and I have already promised to stay away from each other. Today was an unfortunate slip, but I’ll be more careful in the future.”
Noah sighed as he released her. “Audrey, if I thought for a moment you could have a real future with Griffin Berenger, I would bless your relationship. After all, the man is my best friend.”
“But you don’t think I could.” Her tone was flat as she crossed back to the door and fiddled with the knob.
Noah shook his head. “Not because of you, Audrey. Grif has been through a lot in the past few years. I don’t think he would allow himself to love you, and after everything you’ve been through you deserve nothing less than love.”
Audrey sighed, turning the knob and opening the door. Before she left, she turned back.
“I’ve always wanted love, but perhaps it doesn’t exist after all. Perhaps it’s just a silly dream that no one really realizes. And if that’s true, then perhaps I’ve been fooling myself all along.”
“Audrey…” Noah called after her, but she ignored him as she hurried down the hallway into her chamber. Hannah looked up from a book as she entered, but she dropped it at her friend’s face.
“What is it?” She rose to her feet with wide eyes and an expectant frown.
“Nothing.” Audrey fought back tears as she flopped onto a chair.
“It isn’t nothing,” Hannah said.
“It can be no more than nothing,” Audrey snapped before she slammed her palm down on her dressing table and stared at herself in the mirror.
Most of the time when she gazed into the looking glass, Audrey still saw the little girl she’d once been. The awkward one who couldn’t dance to save her life, whose hair never quite stayed in place, who had freckles where all the other girls had creamy skin. Sometimes, though, when she was honest with herself, she could see the changes that had come over her.
With the help of her brother and Hannah, she had transformed into a woman. And while she wouldn’t go so far as to say she was a great beauty, she was pleasant enough to look at. Her red hair now took the complicated styles of the day, curling around her face in an almost attractive fashion.
She’d learned to dance from her brother, who’d taken the time and injury involved in teaching her the grace to glide across a floor rather than stampede. With the help of lemon juice and fantastic hats, her freckles had faded away.
With a bitter laugh, she turned away from her reflection. She had somehow become everything she had once wanted to be, but it still wasn’t enough. The one man she had wanted for what seemed like her whole life still didn’t want her. Or if he wanted her, he certainly didn’t want to keep her.
Hannah touched her hand. “Please, tell me what’s wrong.”
“I already told you, it’s nothing, Hannah,” Audrey said as she moved away to stare out the window at Griffin’s gardens and beyond over the city. “I just remembered that life isn’t always fair, no matter how much you change.”
Chapter Ten
Griffin looked out the window of the carriage as it passed into Hyde Park. Over ten thousand troops milled about the park grounds, ready to begin the reenactment of the battle of Trafalgar on the Serpentine. Mixed in were thousands upon thousands of people of all rank and age, from the poorest peasant to the Prince Regent himself.
“This looks to be the perfect place to kill a King,” he muttered.
Audrey glanced up from the papers in her hand and out the window, taking in what Griffin had already seen. “Yes.” She glanced first at him then her brother and Hannah. “Or even a Prince or two.”
Griffin smiled at her remark though the worry he had felt from the very beginning of this entire mess was growing daily. Not only was Audrey pursuing a dangerous traitor, but a man who Griffin was certain would accost her if he got the chance. That made Ellison more treacherous and put Audrey in even more peril. Even though the brother and sister team wanted to deny it, the fact that Ellison was pushing her to leave Griffin’s house, to distance herself from any man who was a friend, was proof that the traitor was growing bolder. He felt he had a claim to protect in Audrey.
Noah pulled the curtain back from his window a fraction as the carriage stopped in a line of traffic. “There will be guns going off and explosions starting the moment the reenactment begins at eight. All manner of people will be running around with weaponry, be it working or not. We all must be on our guard.”
Audrey nodded but her gaze was focused on Griffin. He shifted in his seat as her eyes drifted away. Since their encounter in the sitting room a few afternoons before, he’d been increasingly uncomfortable around her. It was becoming evident that being her friend was much more difficult than he’d thought. Especially when all he wanted to do was touch her, kiss her, make her his in every primal way he could.
“Oh, Lord,” Audrey sighed as she covered her eyes.
“What is it?” Hannah craned her neck to see over Audrey’s head and out the window.
She rolled her eyes in Griffin and Noah’s direction. “Ellison. He’s standing waiting by where all the carriages are parking now. I’m not going to get a moment’s peace from that man.”
“And that’s exactly what we want, dear sister,” Noah said with a chuckle. “So chin up, smile, and pretend you can’t get enough of him.”
Griffin stifled a laugh as Audrey gave her brother a withering glare. How he’d hate to be on the receiving end of such a look.
“It’s so very simple for you to mock,” she muttered. “You get the easy job every time.
Noah looked playfully affronted. “I’ve had to sacrifice my evenings for the job from time to time.”
Griffin bit back a bark of laughter that made both siblings and Hannah turn to look at him in surprise. “You told me those ‘sacrifices’ have been most pleasant on the whole.”
“That’s right,” Hannah chimed in with a shake of her dark curls. “You’ve never complained in all the years I’ve known you.”
Noah put a finger to his lips. “Hush you two, I’m trying to make Audrey feel better.”
With a voice dripping with sarcasm, Audrey shook her head. “Thank you so very much, my
“I’m your only brother.”
“Yes. Aren’t I lucky?” Audrey said with a smile.
Noah laughed as the carriage stopped a second time. It rocked with the movement of the servants climbing down to aid their departure.
As Griffin watched, the Audrey he was so drawn to faded away. The laughter and playfulness that was such a part of her day-to-day existence vanished, replaced by a much more jaded, disinterested woman that the
Just like Luci.
Only instead of changing her personality for her own gain, Audrey did it for her country. Though it did little to improve his mood, at least Griffin could understand and respect her motives.
