Discount Armageddon

“Damn right,” I said, and half-pushed, half-slammed the nearest door open, storming into the mostly-empty storage room on the other side. More crashes and clattering punctuated Dominic’s progress as he followed after me.

More things that don’t really survive their first encounter with the glamorous, exhausting world of professional ballroom dance, much less their first encounter with the glamorous, exhausting world of professional cryptozoology: modesty. Sure, I’d scream like any other girl if someone walked in on me in the changing room at Victoria’s Secret—probably right before I kicked that someone in the head—but when it comes to changing into street clothes, I could do it in the middle of Fifth Avenue. I knew Dominic had entered the room when I heard his breath catch, and twisted to look over my shoulder at him, eyebrows raised in silent question.

“You …ah…” he stammered, eyes darting around like he wasn’t sure where he should look. It wasn’t like there was a shortage of targets. I was, after all, standing there in emerald green thong panties, thigh-high sheer stockings, stiletto heels, and an assortment of holsters, having already shucked my costume to the floor.

If I took my arm away from my chest, he’d probably die. Maybe not a standard way to kill a man, but hey, beggars can’t always be choosers. “Yes?” I prompted.

Dominic swallowed. “You dance with a gun at your back?”

“Wouldn’t you?” I crouched to start digging through my duffel bag, producing a plastic baggie full of Ace bandages before I straightened up. Wrapping is pretty standard after a competition—it helps to keep me from injuring myself when I inevitably go running across the rooftops to burn off all my extra adrenaline. Plus, a nice layer of Ace bandage counts as at least minimal armor, which is always nice.

I would normally have stayed low while I wrapped my ankles and knees, but I didn’t feel like doing Dominic any favors. I stretched my left leg into a full extension instead, staying balanced on the right as I started winding bandages around my knee. “Worst thing about the Argentine tango: you can’t fit more than a few weapons under your costume without it getting really obvious. The waltz is better. You can hide a regulation machete under a waltz costume.”

“Er, yes. Of course.” It sounded like he still didn’t know where he was supposed to be looking. Tough. “I suppose you’d like to know why I felt the need to seek you out.”

“Because you’re a pompous asshole who didn’t get a decent cell plan? I could be in your network. All calls would be free.” I bent my leg back to make it easier to get to my ankle, and repeated the wrapping process. “Yes, Dominic. I would like to know why you decided to ruin my day and damage my career. Please, enlighten me.”

“I believe I’ve discovered the reason for the local disappearances.” He sounded a bit more sure of himself as he made the pronouncement, some of his usual arrogance coming back into his voice. He understood making dire pronouncements. Apparently better than he understood seminaked, highly flexible women. The poor guy must have led a very boring life.

“What would that be?” I asked. My left knee and left ankle were wrapped, and would be able to take a lot more pressure without getting damaged. I strapped my left ankle holster on over the Ace bandage and switched legs.

“I’ve been examining the Covenant’s records on this area going back several hundred years—”

A needle of jealousy stabbed me in the chest. We’re lucky when the family records extend back to my great- great-grandparents arriving in America. “There’s a luxury some of us don’t have,” I muttered.

“What’s that?”

“Nothing.” I started wrapping my right ankle, trying not to let irritation make the job turn sloppy. “What did you find in the records?”

Dominic paused portentously, and said, “I believe there is a dragon sleeping under this city.”

I fell on my ass.

Ten

“A lady is never truly embarrassed. And if she is, a lady is never gauche enough to leave survivors.”

—Evelyn Price

The upstairs storage room of an unnamed and highly questionable diner

FIVE MINUTES, A HASTILY-COMPLETED WRAPPING JOB, and a pair of jeans later, I was sitting atop an antique stove and running my weapon checks, watching Dominic out of the corner of my eye. He was pacing back and forth along the length of the room, his steps thudding in an almost martial rhythm. It was a stable enough beat to be soothing, and there was a decent chance that he’d hit a rotten patch and fall through the floor into the diner below us. That kept it interesting.

“There’s one major problem with your ‘solution,’” I said. “Dragons are extinct. The Covenant wiped them out centuries ago.”

Dominic favored me with a look of withering disdain. “Did we?”

“Hello, not the one who writes the propaganda, remember? But, yeah, according to everything I’ve ever read and everyone I’ve ever talked to, human or cryptid.” If the dragons were still alive, the dragon princesses would know about it—they’d have to know, since all the old bestiaries claimed that the two species lived in a sort of symbiosis. If there were still dragons, the dragon princesses probably wouldn’t be working in strip clubs and living in neighborhoods just this side of demilitarized zones.

“Nonetheless, it seems that a few may have escaped extermination.”

I looked up from securing my ankle holster, fixing him with a disgusted stare. “Here’s a tip: wiping out a sentient species isn’t ‘extermination.’ It’s genocide. Get your terminology straight.”

“Dragons fed on humans.”

“When humans went into their caves to steal their stuff, you’re damn right they did! If the dragons had been from Texas, they would’ve gotten awards from the homeowners’ association, not a gang of medieval vigilantes looking to skin their asses.”

Dominic looked at me blankly. “What does Texas have to do with anything?”

“Wow, they didn’t give you any cultural acclimatization before they dropped you here, did they? Did the Covenant want you to get eaten?” I slid off the stove. “Okay, so fine, let’s assume you’re right, and everything we thought we knew is wrong, and there’s a dragon sleeping somewhere under the city of New York.” I paused. “Not the entire city, or even a borough, right? Just a few blocks or something? Because I don’t think I’m equipped to deal with a dragon that’s actually the size of New York.” A dragon the size of Manhattan was too much to think about, especially if there was a chance it was hostile. The old family story about Grandma taking on an entire hive of Apraxis wasps with nothing but some concussion grenades aside, we’re taught never to go up against impossible odds if there’s any other choice.

“Not the entire city,” said Dominic. He paused, a discomfited look crossing his face. It was an oddly attractive expression on him, softening his features from their usual perpetual arrogance and turning them into something a girl wouldn’t mind seeing, say, on the other side of the table at breakfast. “At least, I don’t believe so. The largest recorded dragon was no larger than a blue whale.”

“I probably shouldn’t find that as reassuring as I do.” I picked up my bag. “So we’re assuming there’s a dragon. I don’t want you calling reinforcements, since they’d just wipe out the cryptids I’m trying to protect, and I’ll bet you don’t want me calling reinforcements either.”

“Not particularly,” he said, his normal arrogance creeping across his face like frost across a window on a cold morning. “You already have me far too outnumbered to enjoy.”

“Me and my army of cryptids that don’t listen to a damn thing I say, we’re scary,” I agreed. “Why do you think there’s a dragon?”

“I’d rather not say just as yet,” Dominic replied, stiffly.

“Great.” I sighed. “Let’s say I believe you. So now what do we do?”

“I suppose we determine whether or not I’m correct, and decide what to do from there.”

I gave him a thoughtful look. Something in the way that he was standing… “You don’t