“Why must you do this to me?” Sara asked, another tear sliding down her face. “Why must you make me feel guilty? If I use it I will feel guilty you are without your own blanket, If I don’t use it I will feel guilty that I have upset you it’s not fair.” She said this, now the tears came more rapidly.
Seth, reaching up wiped away her tears, and pulled her head to his chest. He hated seeing her cry. Angels shouldn’t cry.
“Please don’t cry Sara, and don’t feel guilty, not over this. Like I said I’m actually being selfish by giving it to you.” Seth stated, liking this new twist.
“How in the name of the gods is giving me your blanket, so you can freeze to death, selfish? Sara asked him with a tone akin to that of anger.
“It lets me feel like I’m protecting you, taking care of you. It makes me feel good.” It was the truth, it did feel good to take care of her, give her what she needed, and make her smile.
“Then we will share.” She stated, and Seth shook his head.
“No, it’s not appropriate, and it might make Garret and Ashton uncomfortable, No, I can’t share. Sorry.” Seth meant every word, and Sara could feel it.
“Why is it not appropriate, you don’t like me enough to share a blanket with me on a cold night? Sara was upset, but she really just wanted to understand his reason for refusal.
“It’s not that Sara, I swear, I care for you, I do, it just isn’t time yet ok?” Seth pleaded with her.
“If it isn’t time yet when will it be? Sara asked.
Seth shrugged.
“Will it be soon?” She demanded
“I hope so.” Seth replied.
Hearing the honesty in his voice, she gave in. Seth did care for her, and wanted to take care of her. It seemed he was waiting for something, maybe even something from her, before he would let himself get too close, too comfortable.
Seth let her go then, and she walked to the tree where the other two boys had already settled in their makeshift beds. She lay down then, on one half of the blanket, leaving the other half sprawled out beside her, leaving the invitation open if Seth were to change his mind.
Seth stood, where he and Sara had had their argument. It wasn’t fair to Sara, to make her feel bad for him. It wasn’t really even anything to do with her in the first place. The only real reason Seth turned down her invitation to share a blanket, to share a bed, was that he didn’t feel he deserved her. He hoped that at some point in the days to come he would do something so great that would make him deserving of any feelings she might have towards him. He knew without asking that she cared for him, just as he cared for her. It was a mystery how such feelings could overcome him about a girl, no a woman, he had barely known a day. But he couldn’t imagine a life without her. He dwelled for a while, about how best to deal with his feelings for her and decided upon some rules for himself. He could only be with her on two conditions. The first of course, if he did something unimaginable for her, earning her companionship, or second, if she told him she loved him, clarifying her feelings towards him, then he would allow himself a place at her side. Neither of these situations likely to occur, he felt secure enough in this fact that he would keep his distance, watching over her, protecting her, caring for her, but nothing more.
Seth walked to the empty space between his sleeping brother, and the woman who unknowingly was the master of his heart. He lay down on the naked ground, and rolling to face Sara, covered her with the unused portion of her blanket. Settling his mind, by watching her sleep, he too closed his eyes and drifted quickly into unconsciousness.
Sara waged a silent war within her mind that first night. Lying still, eyes closed she pretended to sleep. Wishing and praying that Seth would join her on the blanket, yet unsure if it was what she really wanted. She was torn. Once, several years ago, when she was barely a teenager, her mother died. Not knowing where else to go, Sara had stayed where her mom had lived, in the brothel. It was not the nicest place to live, and Sara had many times witnessed John, the owner’s, anger. But for a while John was different. After Sara’s mother was gone he had been very nice to Sara. Making sure she was fed and had clean clothes. That had lasted for some time until Sara had told him of her intentions to find the only relative that her mother had told her about. Sara had an aunt, in a town somewhere to the south, between Stone Haven and the capitol. This brought John once again to anger. He told her then of her mother’s debt to him, for living under his roof, eating his food. Her work, he explained to her, had not been enough to pay off her debt and so it fell to Sara to pay. Sara refused to work for John, if you could really even call it work. It just seemed wrong, seemed dirty. John assured her that she could not leave him, not while in his debt, and he also assured her that someday soon he would be putting her to “work”. This is what made Sara unsure of Seth. She did not know if he was being nice to her because he wanted something from her in return. Or perhaps he was giving her nice things to put her in his debt, though he had assured her she owed him nothing. She cared for Seth already. She knew she did, but was afraid to openly admit it, even to herself, for fear it was a trap. She couldn’t allow herself to be overwhelmed with him, she must make herself wait. Make herself watch him to be sure his intentions were good and that he truly cared for her like he had said. She hoped he shared the same feelings she had for him, though thought it unlikely. He was charming, strong, and even brave. She was a scared, worthless orphan. She didn’t deserve him, but she could hope that by some strange chance of fate that he would turn out to be exactly what she hoped, and would choose her over any other girl. Sara decided then that she couldn’t just wait and watch Seth, looking for some sort of sign. He had already proved he was willing to protect her, he had also proven that he was willing to take care of her, even sacrificing his own comfort to do so. Now she just needed to see how much he cared for her, or if he just wanted something else, something almost all men wanted, something she had yet to give to anyone. Coming to this conclusion, to test Seth, she smiled into the dark, still pretending to sleep. She heard Seth approach, heard him lay down, though not as close as she had secretly hoped. She then felt the blanket she laid upon being lifted and pulled over her to keep her warm. Keeping very still, keeping her eyes closed, she listened to Seth slowly drift off to sleep, all the while wondering what he would dream about. He had not taken her invitation to share the blanket, though now she wasn’t sure if this was a point for him or against him. She contemplated how she might test his feelings for her, and realized it would be very difficult. She too, slowly drifted off to sleep where her dreams would uncontrollably focus on Seth.
The next morning all four companions woke early. Seth had been the first to wake, and he waited patiently, watching Sara sleep, for the rest to wake as well. Garret was up next, and seeing that his brother was also awake, motioned for Seth to join him a slight distance away from the others. Seth rose and walked the short distance to where Garret waited, looking at him questioningly.
“So what’s the deal?” Garret asked.
“The deal with what?” Responded Seth unsure of what his twin wanted.
“Sara.” Garret stated. “Are you two a couple or what? Can I refer to her as my sister yet?” He added jokingly.
“I don’t really know bro.” Seth replied. “I mean, sure I like her, and I think she likes me, but until I’m absolutely sure, I really don’t know what to do or say.”
Garret nodded solemnly, his face bunching up in thought, and then he smiled.
“What is it?” Seth asked already expecting the worst from his brother.
“If you’re not sure how she feels, why don’t you go crawl into that blanket with her and make a man out of yourself.” Garret stated trying to contain a laugh.
“I don’t think that’s what she wants from me.” Seth replied, giving his brother a slug to the shoulder. “At least not yet in any case.” He quickly added winking to his twin.
They walked back to where Ashton and Sara slept, Garret was rubbing his shoulder, and Seth approached the sleeping girl. He knelt down beside her peaceful angelic face, and carefully pushed her hair back from her face with his fingertips. Kneeling closer, he whispered in her ear.
“Wake up beautiful.” Seth said the word as softly as he could manage, half hoping she wouldn’t hear him.
Sara did hear him however and her eyes opened slightly, peering up at him, she smiled. Seth stroked her cheek with the back of his hand, returning her smile.
“Am I still dreaming?” Sara asked him
Seth shook his head smiling still, realizing that if she thought she was still dreaming, then she had dreamed
