table had to stop the drunken worst from rabbling there and then. Kirkpatrick waited patiently, ticking off the seconds and hoping Hal made the most of them; the sweat was trickling icy trails down his back and pooling where his tunic belt cinched.
‘The castle never smelled as sweet wi’ Tam at the cesspits, so that the Earl declared it a pleasure to turd and it was to be hoped that this sweet-smelling addition to life would please his daughter. She was a ripe beauty, right enow, with a chest o’ treasures in more ways than just the one — but had stopped speaking entire when she was nine and had not peeped once since then. Not a single person kent the why of it, neither.’
The soldiery perked up at this — beautiful damsels with large chests of treasure made for a good tale in their eyes and Kirkpatrick, who had known this — and even tailored his speech from the neat southern English to the rawer north, where most of the men-at-arms came from — saw Fitzwalter had also noted this, was stroking his beard, thoughtful and considered.
He is a creishie wee fox, that yin, Kirkpatrick thought, hoping he did not go dry-mouthed, hoping — Christ save us — that Hal remembered his place. One slip and we are spiked on some city gate.
Hal had no idea of his place save that it was in the dim of the undercroft, a maze of cellars, most of them emptied. He knew the kitchen was on the other side of the hall and surmised that these cellars had been emptied to take captives, but the doors of most of them were locked tight.
Then, in the grey gloom, he heard a door rattle open, the jingle of keys and a burst of red-gold light. He froze, trapped, then fell into the belly-curled whimper he had been adopting all along, so that Dixon stared, amazed, his blue bottom lip wobbling with the surprise of it.
‘Jakes,’ Hal groaned and Dixon stirred and frowned.
‘A garderobe in an undercroft?’ he growled. ‘Are ye slack-wittit? Go up, ye daftie. Get ye gone…’
He lashed out with his only weapon, the heavy keys and Hal took it on a shoulder, wincing as he backed away and scuttled back up the stairs, to where a troubled earl wanted his daughter to speak.
‘The Earl declared that whoever teased his daughter to speak would be married on to her,’ Kirkpatrick declared. ‘Many tried — clivver nobiles from all the airts and pairts — but the lovely quine stayed silent.’
‘Now there’s a blissin’,’ called out one of the soldiers. ‘A perfect wummin…’
The laughter allowed Hal to scurry into the hall again, but Kirkpatrick saw Fitzwalter staring past him and, when Hal arrived back at the table, knew the knight had been marking the return.
‘So Tam was busy digging out the cess this day when the Earl’s daughter passed, walking eechsie-ochsie with her wee pet dug, which was a four-legged clevery and seemed to ken what his mistress wanted without her speakin’.
‘So Tam began to talk to the dog: “I heard that you are very smart and I want advice from you. We were three travellers — a carver, a tailor and me, who journeyed on as yin. At camp that night, the carver took first watch and, because he had not much to do, he took a piece of wood and made a nice wee girl of it.
‘“Then he woke the tailor. The tailor saw the wooden girl and took scissors, needle and thread and began to sew a dress, which he put it on the girl. Then it was my turn to watch — and I taught her to speak, so that she came into life. In the morning, when they woke up, everybody wanted to have the girl. The carver said: ‘I made her.’ The tailor said: ‘I dressed her.’ I also wanted to have the girl. Tell me, wee smart dug, who should have the girl?” And Tam waited, cocking his head as if expecting a real reply from the wee dug.’
There was silence in the hall as everyone mulled the problem; Kirkpatrick could hear Hal’s ragged breathing, glanced quickly down to see him nurse his shoulder and did not like what that revealed or the unease it crawled into him.
‘Well?’ demanded the young Ross truculently and Kirkpatrick was jerked back to the moment.
‘Well,’ he declared, spreading his hands, ‘of course the wee dug did not speak — but the Earl’s daughter did. “Who else than you should have her?” she says, tart as you please. “What is a carver’s wooden girl? What is tailor’s dress without speech? You gave her the best gift — life and speech — so you should have the girl.”’
There was laughter at that, for they all knew Tam the gongfermor had won.
‘That put fox in the henhoose,’ Kirkpatrick declared, sweating now. ‘“So you have decided for yourself,” Tam said to the Earl’s daughter. “I gave you speech and life, so you should be mine.” Needless to say, the Earl had other ideas about his precious quine getting married on to a shit-covered chiel. He offered another good reward, but Tam had Reason in him, telling him that an earl’s word was law in his own domain and if the Earl wanted people to behave according to law, he must behave in that way too. The Earl must give up his daughter.’
‘This will not turn out well,’ the friar mourned and folk shushed him. Kirkpatrick acknowledged the priest with a wave.
‘You are right,’ he said, ‘for the Earl announced that Tam would lose his head for his impudence and the poor boy was bound and led to the block. The best axeman turned up and spat on his palms, then raised his weapon high.’
Kirkpatrick paused for the effect and had gratifying silence.
‘Fortune stepped in. “Get well out of him,” Fortune declares to Reason. “See what a pass ye have brought the lad to.” So Fortune got in the boy, the axe swung — and the shaft snapped. Before he could fetch another weapon, the daughter had prevailed on her da to relent, that she would marry the lad.
‘So there was a grand wedding,’ Kirkpatrick declared with a flourish, ‘to which all were invited, Reason included, and most came. But seeing he would meet Fortune, he ran away — and, since that time, when Reason meets Fortune, Reason stands aside so Fortune can pass.’
There was applause and laughter; with an airy wave, Fitzwalter had the steward deliver meat to the two packmen and the hall washed with new chatter and arguments over Fortune and Reason.
‘What was all that?’ Hal hissed, head down as if concentrating on his trencher.
‘Smoke and mirrors,’ Kirkpatrick answered grimly. ‘I hope it was worth the work — did you find anything?’
Hal was suddenly ravenous, turned his black, greased, beaming face on Kirkpatrick as he reached for bread and meat.
‘I ken where your named kinsman is,’ he said between mouthfuls. ‘So there she will be also.’
Kirkpatrick nodded, chewing and thinking of the fulfilment of his mission to his king — and the revenge he would take at the same time.
He thought of the ring, the one he had taken from Creishie Marthe at Methven, the one she had cut from the hand of a throat-slit man-at-arms.
The ring now snugged up in a purse under his armpit. Such a wee bauble, he marvelled, to bring such ruin to lives.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Closeburn Castle, Annandale
Later that night…
They went up, creeping from the snoring hall, stepping carefully over the sleepers; the friar stirred and yelped like a bairn in some deep dream and Hal stopped like a deer with a scent, one foot half-poised in his felted socks.
He had his boots round his neck because Nichol’s cobbling had resulted in new, thick leather slats for grip, which now clacked like nails, loud as a bell in a rimed silence such as this cold hall.
The sleepers here were all of Closeburn’s least — the servants, the dogs and the ill-considered guests; Kirkpatrick wondered if the friar was dreaming some idea of what the future held, when daylight revealed all that had happened.
Hal stepped on, his breath grey-blue smoke; they wreathed out and up, Kirkpatrick’s soft, deer-soled boots making no sound. Hal envied him as the cold seeped chill through the wool and into his feet.
They went along the corridor, the sconces burned to dark ash now, crept to the corner and poised, trying not to breathe, harsh with the tension. This was where the guard had been — Kirkpatrick, his mouth dry, risked a look, drew back and put his lips close enough for Hal to feel his hot breath on his ear.
