Self-Defence

As if her name were a posthypnotic suggestion, she opened her eyes and blinked hard.

'What happened then, Lucy?'

'I woke up. Found myself on the floor… again. My legs…' Wincing.

'What about your legs?'

'They were…' Spots of color appeared on her cheeks. 'Spread- spread wide, in front of everybody. It made me feel so sluttish.'

'People understand accidents, Lucy.'

She looked at my hand on her shoulder. I removed it and she sat down.

'God,' she said. 'This is crazy- am I going off the deep end?'

'No,' I said firmly. 'You're obviously reacting to some kind of stress, and we're going to find out what it is. I also want you to see a neurologist to rule out anything organic.'

She caught her breath and looked at me, terrified. 'Like what? A brain tumor?'

'No, nothing like that, I didn't mean to alarm you. We just need to rule out a sleep disorder that responds to medication. It's unlikely, but I want to be careful, so our road's clear.'

'Our road. Sounds like some kind of journey.'

'In a way it is, Lucy.'

She turned away from me. 'I don't know any neurologists.'

I gave her Phil's name and number. 'It won't be intrusive or painful.'

'I hope so. I hate to be pawed. I'll call him tomorrow, okay? I'd better get home now.'

'Why don't you stay here and relax before you set out?'

'I appreciate the offer, but no, thanks. I'm really tired, just want to crawl into bed.'

'Want some coffee?'

'No, I'll be fine- it's more emotional fatigue than sleepiness.'

'You're sure you want to go right now?'

'Yes, please. Sorry for the hassle.'

'It's no hassle at all, Lucy.'

'Thanks for your time- we'll figure it out.' Looking to me for confirmation.

I nodded and walked her to the door. She opened it and thanked me again.

'I don't want to add to your load,' I said, 'but you're going to see it on the evening news. A body was found today that matches the Bogeyman victims. There may be a copycat out there.'

'Oh, no,' she said, leaning against the doorpost. 'Where?'

'Santa Ana.'

'That's Orange County- so Milo won't be in on it. Too bad. He could solve it.'

7

Phil Austerlitz called me the following day at five.

'Clean bill,' he said. 'Healthiest person I've seen in a long time, except for her anxiety. Even with that, her blood pressure was great. Wish mine was as good.'

'What kind of anxiety did you notice?'

'Jumpy. Nervous about being touched- wanting to know exactly what I was going to do to her, how, when, why. Want to know my guess? Extreme sexual inhibition. Is that what she originally came to you for?'

'I'm not dealing with her sex life right now, Phil.'

'No? What kind of shrink are you?'

***

She didn't call for an appointment that day, or the next. The murder down in Santa Ana was a page-ten story, the victim a twenty-one-year-old prostitute named Shannon Dykstra who'd grown up a couple of blocks from Disneyland and had gotten addicted to heroin while still in junior high. The media had fun with that- lots of ironic comments about the Magic Kingdom gone wrong.

That night I cooked a couple of steaks and made a salad, and at seven Robin and I sat down to dinner, with Spike begging for sirloin. When we were through, Robin said, 'If you've got no big plans, I thought I might do a little work. The time I'm spending at the house is crimping me.'

'Want me to take a shift?'

'No, honey, but if I could catch up, it would help.'

Spike watched her depart with longing, but he decided to stay and finish his table scraps. He hung around as I washed the dishes and followed me to the couch when I played guitar, settling next to me, loose lips blowing out B-flat snores that missed harmony by a mile.

Shortly after nine, Milo called and I asked him if he was involved in the Dykstra case.

'Involved but not committed- know the difference? In a ham-and-egg breakfast, the chicken's involved, the pig's committed. Santa Ana called me to compare notes, and they're driving down tomorrow to look at the Shwandt file.'

'Is it that similar?'

'Damn near identical. Body position, wound pattern, decapitation with the head put back in place, shit smeared all over the body and stuffed in the wounds. But all that came out at the trial; anyone could have copied it.'

'Another monster,' I said.

'The press made such a goddamn celebrity out of Shwandt, they pump this one up as Bogeyman Two, we'll really have fun. Anyway, glad I'm not on it. Keeping busy with some nice old-fashioned drive-bys… So how's Miss Lucy?'

I cleared my throat.

'I know, I know,' he said. 'You can't get into clinical details. Just tell me she's basically okay. 'Cause she left four messages at my desk today. Called her back but got some lazy-sounding guy on a machine.'

'That's her brother. I haven't heard from her for a couple of days. When'd she call you?'

'This morning. I was just wondering if some problem had come up- you are still seeing her- no, scratch that, you can't even tell me that, right?'

'Let's put it this way,' I said. 'If a patient's in imminent danger of self-injury, it's my ethical duty to call the police and/or appropriate medical personnel. I haven't called you or anyone else.'

'Okay, good. So I'll try her tomorrow. How's everything by you?'

'Rolling along. How's Rick?'

'Cutting and suturing. With our schedules, there ain't much quality time. We keep talking vacation, but neither of us is willing to make plans.'

'Commitment,' I said. 'Men have such a problem with it.'

'Bullshit,' he said. 'I'm totally committed. I'm a pig, right?'

***

She called on Friday morning. 'If you have time today, I could come in.'

'After work?'

'Any time. I'm home.'

'Sick?'

'No, I haven't gone back since the… fall. Dr. Austerlitz was very nice, by the way. He says I'm fine.'

'I know. I spoke with him. How've you been sleeping the last couple of nights?'

'Pretty well, actually, since I spoke to you. No dream, and I wake up in my bed, so maybe it was just a short- term thing and I needed to get things off my chest.'