if an avalanche swallowed them. What if she did encounter scholars she knew and respected inside? Men and women-how she missed having female colleagues to talk to! — with a ship anchored somewhere, a way back home. What if she did have a chance to switch sides?
“ Tikaya?”
She straightened and turned toward Rias’s concerned voice. She hoped the darkness hid the guilty flush that heated her cheeks.
“ Is something wrong?” He wore parka, cap, scarf, and he even carried snowshoes and a rifle. Where had he been? Scouting the tunnel entrance? “I thought you’d sleep until morning.”
“ I, uhm, wanted to talk to you.” She had been looking all over for him, but had not given much thought to what she would say.
“ Of course.”
Rias leaned the rifle and snowshoes against the side of a tent, and she joined him in the shadows, wanting to be out of eyesight if anyone else from the meeting came out to relieve himself. He wrapped her in a hug, and she slid into his arms, though the amused eyes of the men in the tent nagged her mind. She had to know. Tonight. She waited for Rias to release her, but he held her in silence for a long moment, arms tight. She breathed in the tang of weapons cleaning oil and black powder mingling with his warm male scent. Men laughed around the fire, trading jokes, boasting of brave feats.
“ I’m sorry,” he finally whispered.
Sorry? Was that in response to her proclamation of love? He was sorry he didn’t love her back?
Then he added, “I used to be faster. You shouldn’t have been-I should have seen the condor sooner.” He sounded so distraught. It brought a lump to her throat.
“ Oh, Rias.” Tikaya wriggled her glove off and laid her hand on the side of his face. “That’s not your fault.”
“ I should have sent you with the main party.” His own glove came off and he laid his hand on hers.
“ I’m sure that condor could have found me down there as well as on the mountain.”
His sigh came out as more of a grumble. “I’m tired of people trying to kill you.”
“ I’m not an enthusiast of the trend either.”
Rias’s other hand slid under her scarf to rub the back of her neck. She closed her eyes, letting those strong fingers knead her flesh, even as she lamented the layers of parkas and wool uniforms between them. The voices of the marines faded from her awareness. Soft breaths tickled her cheek, and she opened her eyes to find his face close. Shadows cloaked his eyes, but she sensed his intent and leaned into him, head tilted back.
His lips brushed hers, questioning at first. Tikaya parted her lips, invited more. His kiss grew firm, confident, and she thought of the experienced warrior she had followed through the Nurian ship. Heat flared through her body, and she forgot about her questions, the camp, and the freezing air. She might have forgotten a lot more if someone had not crunched around the tent and stopped to stare.
“ Well, well, well.” Ottotark.
She winced and drew back. Of all the people to stumble upon them.
“ Ignore him,” Rias breathed, nuzzling her ear.
A small grin stretched her lips as it dawned on her that she could. If Bocrest had told the men to treat Rias like an officer, that would mean he outranked the sergeant. As much of an ass as Ottotark was, he seemed loyal to his uniform and the chain of command. Surely, he would leave them alone if Rias ordered it.
Tikaya probably should not have looked so smug as she cast a dismissive glance Ottotark’s way, but she could not resist, not after all the torment he had thrust upon her. She slid her hands under Rias’s parka and kissed him deeply. Let the bastard watch.
Ottotark guffawed.
Startled, she broke away. That was the last reaction she expected. She looked at Rias, eyes questioning, but Ottotark spoke first.
“ The captain really needs to let you live.” He was pointing at her, laughter punctuating his words, but his tone seemed designed to carry to the whole camp. “I’d love to accompany you back to your island so I can tell your mom and pop that you were out here fucking Fleet Admiral Saskha Federias Starcrest, the man who personally recommended taking over your islands to the emperor.” Now it was Ottotark’s turn to be smug. Very smug. “But don’t let that stop your plans for the evening. I can see you’re enjoying yourself. Carry on.” There was far too much pleasure in the cruel sneer he launched at them before walking away.
Tikaya felt lightheaded. She had to remind herself to breathe. All she could do was stare at Rias’s shoulder.
“ I’m going to kill that man,” he said.
No denial. No explanation about how Ottotark was wrong. No claim that it was a lie.
“ You were right,” Tikaya choked. “My people have heard of you, and you’d never be welcome on my island.”
She stepped back.
Rias grasped her arm. “Tikaya, please. Let me-”
Shaking her head, she pulled her arm free. She had to get away. She had to think. She had to-she didn’t know.
“ I’m sorry,” Rias called after her.
She stumbled, not sure where to go. Not back to the fire and the marines. If she returned to her tent, Agarik would be waiting to yell at her for leaving. She definitely did not want to go anywhere she would have to look at Ottotark. But neither could she go out where yetis and wolves and grimbals waited to devour silly girls thousands of miles from their homes.
Tikaya finally sat down behind the sleeping tent. She drew up her knees and buried her face in them. She ought not be so stunned. There had been clues all along. She just hadn’t wanted to see them. Had she really thought someone who so readily took command and led the way into battles was an engineer? That love of mathematics made him the best cursed strategist of his generation. Starcrest. How often had his name come up in the documents she decrypted? The youngest fleet admiral in the history of the empire. The man who, as a captain, had been responsible for the sinking of a hundred Nurian ships. And the man who, as an admiral, had guided every battle, every skirmish that allowed the Turgonians to again and again best the preeminent mental scientists in the world, with only mundane technology on their side. It was not until after his death that the tides had turned, ending in a stalemate. Yes, his death. She vividly remembered decoding a note that said a Nurian assassin had killed the admiral. He was supposed to be dead, not exiled. That was why she had never considered her Rias might be the legendary admiral.
Still, who could she blame but herself? She should have known. She certainly should not have fallen in love with him. If he was nobody important, nobody who would matter to her, he would have told her his name. This was exactly why he had kept it from her. He had known she wouldn’t want anything to do with him. How could she? If what Ottotark said was true, and Rias had been the one to suggest taking over her homeland, then every death was indeed on his hands.
Her stomach writhed, and she choked on a sob. Every death, including Parkonis’s.
CHAPTER 15
Tikaya did not know how long she sat in the shadow of the tent, but shivers and a frozen nose finally convinced her she had to find a warmer berth. She put a hand down and started to rise. The crunch of boots stopped her. A tall figure with a rifle strode between the tents and into the darkness before her. She could not make out features but had an inkling. She remained still, cloaked by shadows.
A long moment passed with the figure scanning the dark canyon beyond the camp.
“ Tikaya?” he called.
She closed her eyes. Rias. No, Fleet Admiral Starcrest.
She did not want to- could not-talk to him. Not then.
He called twice more.
