Neverisms

advice to investors

After graduating from CCNY in 1898, Baruch got a job as a Wall Street office boy for $3 a week. A decade later, his investments had made him a millionaire. In WWI, Woodrow Wilson named him to his war council, and over the next four decades he served as an adviser to every American president. He is also credited with these investment rules:

Never follow the crowd.

Never play tips from “insiders.” They can’t see the forest for the trees.

Never punish a learner.KEN BLANCHARD & SPENCER JOHNSON,

in The One Minute Manager (1982)

Never do anything with an employee

that you would not do with your firm’s number-one client or customer.W. STEVEN BROWN

Brown offered this guideline for boss-employee relations in his 1997 book 13 Fatal Errors Managers Make and How You Can Avoid Them. In the book, he also advised:

Never confront in anger.

Never call your group on the carpet

through the use of a “hot” letter or memo.

Rule Number One: Never lose money.

Rule Number Two: Never forget rule Number One.WARREN BUFFETT

For more than twenty-five years, Buffett has been citing these as his two most important investment rules. In his many speeches and “Chairman’s Letters” (as chairman of the board of Berkshire Hathaway), Buffett has shown a gift for expressing himself in straightforward and memorable ways. He has also advised:

Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.

Never be afraid to ask for too much when selling

or offer too little when buying.

Never arrive on time; this stamps you as a beginner.HARRY CHAPMAN

This tongue-in-cheek advice first appeared in a 1963 issue of The Greater Kansas City Medical Bulletin. Since that time, Chapman’s rules for serving on committees have been reprinted in scores of publications. Details about the author’s identity have been lost to history, but his rules have held up remarkably well. Here’s the remainder of his advice:

Don’t say anything until the meeting is half over;

this stamps you as being wise.

Be as vague as possible; this avoids irritating the others.

When in doubt, suggest that a sub-committee be appointed.

Be the first one to move for adjournment;

this will make you popular; it’s what everyone is waiting for.

Never oppose a high-ranking man in public.NINA DISESA, in her 2008 book Seducing the Boys Club:

Uncensored Tactics from a Woman at the Top

DiSesa called this “The Cardinal Rule of Male Confrontation.” In 1999, after becoming chairman and chief creative officer of the ad agency McCann New York, DiSesa made Fortune magazine’s list of the “50 Most Powerful Women in American Business.”

Never give someone two weeks notice that they are fired

and keep them in the company.LINNDA DURRE, in Surviving the Toxic Workplace (2010)

In her book, subtitled Protect Yourself Against the Co-Workers, Bosses, and Work Environments That Poison Your Day, Durre added:When you fire someone, do it humanely, have their severance check ready, get their keys and passcards turned in, let them clean out their desk, and escort them to the exit, wishing them well. Otherwise you will have a paid enemy on the staff.

Never buy farther than you can walk.JOSEPH DURST, on purchasing real estate

When Durst arrived at Ellis Island in 1902, he had $3 sewn into the lapel of his ragged coat. A garment manufacturer in his native Austria, he worked hard, saved every penny, and bought his first office building in 1915. When he died in 1974, the Durst Organization was one of Manhattan’s most influential real estate developers.

Never criticize at the end of the week because you’ll kill his weekend.MORTIMER R. FEINBERG

This advice appeared in a 1965 article “How to Criticize an Employee.” Feinberg added:If you criticize at night, around five o’clock, the guy goes home, he’s unhappy. He doesn’t eat supper. He doesn’t sleep. He tells his wife and she can’t sleep. When he comes in the next morning, he’s ready to kill you.

Feinberg said his advice was inspired by Frank Boyden, the longtime headmaster of Deerfield Academy, who once offered a similar thought about criticizing students: “Never reprimand in the evening. Darkness and a troubled mind are a poor combination.”

Never respond to a customer’s outburst with one of your own.P. M. FORNI, in The Civility Solution (2008)

Never cancel plans with your children

because of a workplace request unless your job is on the line.

Even then think twice.LOIS E. FRANKEL, in Nice Girls

Don’t Get the Corner Office (2004)

Frankel, whose book was subtitled 101 Unconscious Mistakes Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers, also offered these additional warnings:

Never sit with your foot tucked beneath you.

Never accept any assignment before first checking it out.

Never volunteer to make coffee or copies for a meeting.

If asked, suggest the responsibilities be rotated.

Never comb your hair or apply lipstick in public.

If you can’t resist, excuse yourself and go to the ladies’ room.