meant more hotdogs, but in the summer of 1960 Bobby Garfield could have eaten hotdogs three times a day and had another at bedtime.
He read stuff to Ted out of the newspaper while Ted put their din-ner together. Ted only wanted to hear a couple of paragraphs about the impending Patterson–Johansson rematch, the one everybody was calling the fight of the century, but he wanted to hear every word of the article about tomorrow night’s Albini–Haywood tilt at The Garden in New York. Bobby thought this moderately weird, but he was too happy to even comment on it, let alone complain.
He couldn’t remember ever having spent an evening without his mother, and he missed her, yet he was also relieved to have her gone for a little while. There had been a queer sort of tension running through the apartment for weeks now, maybe even for months. It was like an electrical hum so constant that you got used to it and didn’t realize how much a part of your life it had become until it was gone. That thought brought another of his mother’s sayings to mind.
“What are you thinking?” Ted asked as Bobby came over to get the plates.
“That a change is as good as a rest,” Bobby replied. “It’s some-thing my mom says. I hope she’s having as good a time as I am.”
“So do I, Bobby,” Ted said. He bent, opened the oven, checked their dinner. “So do I.”
The casserole was terrific, with canned B&M beans—the only kind Bobby really liked— and exotic spicy hotdogs not from the supermarket but from the butcher just off the town square. (Bobby assumed Ted had bought these while wearing his “disguise.”) All this came in a horse-radish sauce that zinged in your mouth and then made you feel sort of sweaty in the face. Ted had two helpings; Bobby had three, washing them down with glass after glass of grape Kool-Aid.
Ted blanked out once during the meal, first saying that he could feel
They cleaned up together, Ted stowing the leftover casserole in the fridge and washing the dishes, Bobby drying and putting things away because he knew where everything went.
“Interested in taking a ride to Bridgeport with me tomorrow?” Ted asked as they worked. “We could go to the movies—the early matinee—and then I have to do an errand.”
“Gosh, yeah!” Bobby said. “What do you want to see?”
“I’m open to suggestions, but I was thinking perhaps
At first Bobby was so excited he couldn’t speak. He had seen the ads for
“Bobby?”
“You bet!” he said at last, thinking he probably wouldn’t sleep tonight. “I’d love it. But aren’t you afraid of . . . you know . . .”
“We’ll take a taxi instead of the bus. I can phone for another taxi to take us back home later. We’ll be fine. I think they’re moving away now, anyway. I don’t sense them so clearly.”
Yet Ted glanced away when he said this, and to Bobby he looked like a man trying to tell himself a story he can’t quite believe. If the increasing frequency of his blank-outs meant anything, Bobby thought, he had good reason to look that way.
With dinner cleared away, the two of them sat down to watch
When a commercial came on (some actress selling refrigerators), Ted asked if Bobby would like a glass of rootbeer. Bobby said okay. “I thought I might help myself to one of the Alka-Seltzers I saw in the bathroom, Bobby. I may have eaten a bit too much.”
As he got up, Ted let out a long, sonorous fart that sounded like a trombone. Bobby put his hands to his mouth and giggled. Ted gave him a rueful smile and left the room. Bobby’s giggling forced out more farts, a little tooting stream of them, and when Ted came back with a fizzy glass of Alka-Seltzer in one hand and a foamy glass of Hires rootbeer in the other, Bobby was laughing so hard that tears streamed down his cheeks and hung off his jawline like raindrops.
“This should help fix us up,” Ted said, and when he bent to hand Bobby his rootbeer, a loud honk came from behind him. “Goose just flew out of my ass,” he added matter-of-factly, and Bobby laughed so hard that he could no longer sit in his chair. He slithered out of it and lay in a boneless heap on the floor.
“I’ll be right back,” Ted told him. “T here’s something else we need.”
He left open the door between the apartment and the foyer, so Bobby could hear him going up the stairs. By the time Ted got to the third floor, Bobby had managed to crawl into his chair again. He didn’t think he’d ever laughed so hard in his life. He drank some of his rootbeer, then farted again. “Goose just flew . . . flew out . . .” But he couldn’t finish. He flopped back in his chair and howled, shaking his head from side to side.
The stairs creaked as Ted came back down. When he reentered the apartment he had his fan, with the electric
