“Go away,” she said.
“Erin, pack some things,” Laura called from the hallway.
“I’m not going anywhere with him.”
“We’re going to the Shadowfax. Your f-Paul is going”-she looked at Paul, who didn’t offer a destination-“someplace else.”
Erin turned her back and stood with her arms crossed. “Erin,” Paul said, “I… I hoped… Erin. I’m not very good at saying what I mean… I…”
“That isn’t what Reb said. Reb said you were very good at saying what you mean. If you have anything else to say to me, drop it in the mail with the annual package. And, Mr. Masterson, I don’t play with dolls or stuffed animals anymore. Just so you’ll know.”
She turned her back on her father, dismissing him.
He left the room, turned, and stood with his back to Erin until Laura closed the door. “Want to see what Reb has to say?”
Reb was seated on his bed with his hands in his lap, a stern look on his face. He might have been waiting to take a spanking. Paul entered the room. Laura stayed in the hall.
“Hi, Reb,” he said. “Can I speak to you?”
“Hi, Daddy,” Reb said, smiling. “I didn’t mean to call you. I’m sorry I did it. It was a real bad thing to do.”
Paul walked over and sat on the bed beside his son. He looked at Laura, and she said, “I’ll be in the studio.” Then she closed the door.
“I’m sorry I went off on you, Reb.” He put a hand on Reb’s shoulder. “It was really, really mean of me. What you did was right.”
“Why’d you do it? ’Cause you were hurt?” Reb looked at Paul’s face, reached up, and touched the scar gently as if he thought a sudden move might frighten the tissue away. “It isn’t so bad lookin’.”
“It’s not that, exactly. I did it because I felt guilty. Of staying away. Of hiding from you. Other things… adult reasons.”
“You felt guilty all the time? Since when?”
“Since this happened.”
“It hurt, Mama said. You almost died.”
“Yes. It hurt. It hurt me worse inside than outside.”
“I don’t know what that feels like. Not at the same time, I mean. I know what guilty feels like, though. And pain, too.”
“Reb. It’s hard for me to say things… you know, personal things to people. Always has been. Sometimes I want to say the right thing and I can’t decide what that is. I can’t put my feelings into words. Sometimes even when I know the words, I can’t say them. It’s like there’s this wall inside me that I can’t make myself climb.”
“I do that. I mean, like when I didn’t have a daddy. Reid is a good daddy sometimes. He tries, but he isn’t used to kids. I guess we make him nervous. He keeps my secrets, though.”
“I want you to know something just between us, okay?”
“A secret?”
“Yeah, I think you might say that. Sure, let’s call it a secret. Reb, I love you and Erin as much as I ever loved anyone or anything, and the distance between here and there and between us because I haven’t been around doesn’t mean I love you any less. I need to tell you that I think about you guys every day. If it hadn’t been for the memories I had of you… before this happened… well, they kept me going. I can say that you saved my life more than once.” Your old man knows the sharp taste of gun oil.
“We never wanted to be away from you.”
“Well, Reb, you and I are going to be close from now on. I promise I’ll be a better father to you. And Erin, too… when she isn’t mad at me anymore.”
“Will it hurt if that bad man kills me?”
“Reb? Don’t be afraid of him. You have protection.”
“I mean, I’m not scared… if he kills me. I’m a guy… guys die all the time. But Erin and Mama? Is it true that only a coward hurts women?”
As true as anything there is. Paul put a hand on Reb’s shoulder. “Reb, only the worst kind of coward hurts women. I promise you. I’m going to make it a full-blown, big-sky, cowboy promise like my Uncle Aaron used to make to me. I swear by the stars that no hombre beneath ’em is ever gonna harm one hair on your head.”
“You won’t let ’em?”
“Hey, cowboy, that’s a big-sky promise. He can’t hurt you now, ’cause I won’t let him. That’s the truth.”
“And you’ll always tell me the truth? Promise?”
“I’ll never lie to you.” He crossed his heart. “I’ll never lie to you again in word or deed.”
Reb poured himself into his father’s arms, and Paul hugged the boy, and once again it was all he could do to keep from crying out loud. He had never felt so empty and full at the same time. It was the most wonderful feeling along with about the worst. It was frustration and fear and love. He had forgotten what unconditional love was all about. But at that moment he remembered, and he knew something he had not allowed himself to think about. He knew exactly what he’d thrown away.
Paul dropped his voice to a whisper. “Reb. It’s a secret, but I’m going to Miami. After tonight, if everything goes as planned, you will all be safe from the bad man.”
“Promise?”
“I promise I’ll do everything that can be done.”
Paul found Laura in her studio, standing before a canvas holding a brush.
“Reb is okay,” he said. “I mean, I think we can build a relationship. It isn’t too late, I hope?”
Laura said, “I’d say that’s up to you. Kids are forgiving creatures.”
Are adults? “I’m leaving. Gotta get into the air.”
Laura wanted to say something. She looked at Paul, and he knew she wanted to say something that she wasn’t going to say. What?
“Anything else?” he said. “Anything?”
“Make sure Martin Fletcher can’t ever hurt another child.”
He nodded. “Martin Fletcher will never harm another child.”
Laura turned and began painting even as tears blurred her vision. I hate you, Paul, I love you, Paul. She resisted the voice that told her to go to him and throw herself into his arms.
Paul was fighting the urge to turn her around and pull her close. He took a deep breath, turned, and walked out, the cane tapping the time of his steps. Rainey joined him in the hallway.
She heard the front door close and sat down in a chair and sobbed.
Outside, Thorne held Paul’s door open as he climbed into the car.
“I’ll call in a van to take them to the boat,” Thorne said.
Paul fixed a gaze on him. “Forget it.” He looked at his watch. “I’ll do this. I have to check it out myself- nothing personal. You get back inside and guard them close. I’ll get some help here in a little while. Stay put for now.”
“But your flight.”
“I’ll take care of this before I fly out. I’ve got time.”
Thorne watched the car until it was out of sight. The agent looked up at the sky where the clouds were being pushed northward at impressive speed by the incoming wind. It made him feel dizzy to watch them. He could smell rain in the air. Thorne saw a tight schedule lining up for the evening.
41
Eve was standing on her porch beside a suitcase. That morning Mr. Puzzle had been picked up by the garbage truck as Eve had frowned at the collector through the kitchen window. Larry lost the five dollars he had bet
