Deep Throat Diva

dealer and street bully who muscled up lower-level drug dealers, shaking them for their paper and product. And for the most part, he had niggas shook at some of his crazy antics, like tossing gasoline on someone for not coming up off their money and drugs, then setting them on fire, or biting off someone’s ear for ear-hustling in on a conversation he was having. He had gotten his street name because he was as black as night with dark piercing eyes and a menacing presence. He’d always do his dirt late at night, swooping down on his unsuspecting targets, beating, maiming and robbing them—in no particular order, instilling fear in them. Whomever he thought was caking up that week, could and would get it. So, niggas in the streets stayed strapped and ready; most of the time looking over their shoulders, knowing that The Boogey Man was somewhere lurking in the shadows. Unfortunately for him, he strong-armed the wrong niggas and ended up getting gunned down. My father died of multiple gunshot wounds to the head and chest. I was eleven.

Then, in 1999, my mother was murdered in a car-jacking incident where three men approached her at gunpoint for her ’98 Porsche 911 GT1. When the police finally recovered the car—four days later, her body was found tied up in the trunk. The autopsy showed she had been killed by two bullets to the head. I was twenty.

With no questions asked, Nana opened her heart and doors to both me and Felecia, losing both of her own children—my father, and Felecia’s mother—to drugs in one way or another. In many ways, Nana tried to shelter us and kept us in church, hoping to keep Felecia and me from becoming wayward, like our parents. Though she was strict, she was extremely fair. And, for the most part, she did a damn good job raising us.

“Hi, Nana,” I say. “How are you? Is everything okay?”

“Hey, baby,” she says in her soothing voice. “I’m fine. My knees hurt and I can’t get around like I want some days, but I’m favored and blessed. You know God is good.”

“Yes, Nana, I know,” I respond, hoping she doesn’t get into one of her mini-sermons about sinning and thieving hearts and us living on earth in our last days and needing to get closer to God. I love my grandmother dearly. But sometimes…never mind. “I’m glad you’re doing okay.”

“Yes, baby. God has kept me wrapped in His grace and mercy. And He’s been good to you, too.”

“Yes, He has, Nana,” I say, bracing myself for what’s coming next.

“And you need to give Him some praise.”

“I know, Nana. I do.”

“I raised you and Felecia to be good servants of the Lord, but neither one of you have taken heed to His call. I haven’t seen either of you at service in months.”

“Nana, things have been busy at the shop and then I’m back and forth to see Jas—”

“Mmm-hmm. And the devil’s a liar. So you can keep dancing with him if you want, but he brings you nothing good. I’m gonna keep praying for you and Felecia. That’s all I can do. I’ma leave it in God’s hands. The two of you seem to have gotten so high and mighty these days.”

“Nana,” I say, offended, “why would you say something like that? That’s not true.”

She smacks her lips. “Hmmph. When’s the last time you came to fellowship in the house of the Lord?”

I roll my eyes up in my head. Felecia sticks her head in the door. I mouth to her that it’s Nana and she snickers. I shoot her an evil eye, giving her the finger. She decides to come in, plopping her ass down on the orange leather sofa. “Nana, Felecia is sitting right here. Would you like to speak to her?”

“Now don’t go trying to brush me off; I already spoke to her. And don’t try and change the subject, either. Felecia did the same thing this morning when I called her and asked her about coming out for Women’s Day. It’s the least you can do. I don’t ask much from you girls.”

I sigh. “You’re right, Nana.”

“I expect to see both of you there, for both services. It’s the second Sunday of the month. You hear? No excuses.”

“Yes, Nana.”

“Good. And you and Felecia can ride together and pick me up.”

OhmyGod, Nana is gonna drag the shit out of us, I think, shaking my head. The thought of sitting up in church—no disrespect—all morning and afternoon makes me nauseous. “I’ll have to check my schedule,” I tell her, then add, “I’m supposed to be going out of town that weekend so I’ll have to let you know. But Felecia will be around.”

“Bitch,” Felecia hisses. I smile.

“Pasha, I raised you better. After all I’ve done—putting you through school and paying for braces and dermatologists so you can walk around with that gorgeous smile and beautiful skin—the least you can do is make time for your aging grandmother. Nothing on earth lasts forever. You never know when my time is going to come and I’ll be called home to glory by my Lord and Savior to step foot through the pearly gates of Heaven.”

I hate when she starts talking like this. Her way of guilting me. I glare at Felecia as she chuckles, already knowing Nana’s work. “Nana, I have to go. My first appointment is here.”

“Uh-huh. Go on. Rush me off the phone, like I don’t know any better.”

“I’m not rushing you, Nana. I love talking to you. It’s just that I’m at the shop right now and it gets busy here.”

“Hmmph. Well, go on then. Oh, before I forget.”

“What’s that?”

“The Missionaries would love for you to be a part of next year’s Community Day. Since this year’s was such a huge turnout. You and the other girls over at the salon really made a difference giving back to the needy. You know doing the Lord’s work and giving back to the community is what keeps joy in my heart, and should keep joy in yours.”

Yeah, and giving back helped a motherfucking nut track me down, too. Donating time and staff to do hair and nails to the homeless and needy at Nana’s church’s annual Community Day is how I ended up having my face plastered all in the newspaper. At the time when I agreed, I thought it would be great publicity for the salon; not knowing it would have major consequences for me.

“Glad I could help out, Nana,” I say, half-heartedly. We say our goodbyes, then hang up. Felecia stares at me, grinning. I suck my teeth. “Bitch, what the hell you grinning for?”

“Temper, temper,” she teases. Her cell rings. She pulls it from her waist, glances at the screen, then shakes her head. “It’s Nana calling back.”

I snicker. No matter how many times Nana calls one of us, or no matter how annoying she can be at times, neither of us would ever ignore her calls. She answers, glaring at me. “Hey, Nana.…Yes, I know…Pasha reminded me…I’ll have to check my schedule…No, Nana…that’s not true…Okay, Nana…I know. I will…I promise…Nana, can I call you back? It’s getting busy here…Okay, Nana…I’ll stop by tomorrow to see you…I love you…okay, bye…”

As soon as she disconnects the call, I tease her. “What a punk. What happened to ’I’m not going to that shit’ spiel? You are so full of shit.”

“Whaaat ever,” she snaps, laughing. “You know damn well I have a hard time saying no to Nana. So kiss my natural fat ass.”

I laugh with her. “No thank you, boo. I’ll save the ass kissing for you.” I mock her. ’Okaaay, Nana. Yes, Naaaaana’. Girl, you crack me the hell up.”

She sucks her teeth. “Unlike you, Nana always makes me feel guilty.”

I roll my eyes, getting up from my desk. “Whatever. You need to get over it.”

“Mmm-hmm, I’ll be sure to let her know that the next time I speak to her.”

I laugh. “Well, whatever you do. You make sure you don’t tell her it came from me.”

“Unh-huh, punk…just what I thought.”

SEVENTEEN

The following morning, I am literally surprised to see Alicia sitting in a chair in front of my desk, scowling when I come out of my private bathroom.

“Oh, hey girl,” I say, walking back over to my desk. I glance up at the wall clock. It’s ten A.M. “I see you made it in today.”

“Girl, I’m going through it right now. Sorry ’bout yesterday. I had to take a day off to get my mind right.”