The Kat Trap

The Kat line started ringin’ off the hook. And I was glad. “Listen, I gotta go. Don’t call me anymore.”

“Yeah, aiight. I’ma keep callin’ ’til you stop answerin’,” he said. “There’s somethin’ ’bout ya evil ass that turns me the fuck on.”

Click. I hung up on his ass, pressin’ the TALK button on my other cell. “Yeah.”

“We still beefin’?” Cash asked, soundin’ like Barry White.

“Nah,” I said, “we straight.” For now, muhfucka, I thought, rollin’ my eyes.

“Good. I got some gigs for you. You wit’ it?”

“When?” I asked, ploppin’ down on my bed. I ran my hand through my ultra-silky hair, then twirled the ends through my fingers. “And where?”

“Everything needs to be wrapped up within a week.”

I let out a sigh of relief. I was glad I had a few days to chill. “Where?” I asked.

“Atlanta and Chicago,” he stated.

“Give me two days.”

“I’ll have everything ready for you.”

“Cool. Oh, and don’t try that shit you pulled on that last gig. I want seventy-five percent of my paper before I start.”

“Now, you know how we do. Half now, the rest later.”

“No,” I stated flatly. “That’s how we used to do up until you tried to stunt me.”

“Come on, ma. Why you tryna bust a nigga’s balls?”

“’Cause a nigga can’t be trusted,” I replied. “And, besides, I like it when I got a handful of balls in my hands, squeezin’ the nut outta it. Now, like I said, I want seventy-five percent now and the rest when I touch down.” My mental calculator started churnin’ in my head. That meant a hundred-and-fifty thousand for the price of two bodies upfront. I smiled.

“I got you,” he said, soundin’ real tight. I didn’t give a fuck. Play me, get played, sucka! He musta read my mind because he said, “You know I’d never game you.”

“Yeah, that’s what your mouth says,” I said, hangin’ up.

Later on that evenin’, I was in my kitchen heatin’ up some leftovers from the Cheesecake Factory, smokin’ a blunt, with the stereo blarin’ Nas’s Hip Hop Is Dead CD throughout the house. And I had the flat-screen TV on with the volume down. I wasn’t big on watchin’ TV ’n shit, but every now and then a bitch liked to peep the news to stay up on the comin’s and goin’s of the crazy-ass niggas and silly bitches in this fucked- up world. So while the six o’clock CBS news was on, I was just standin’ in the middle of my kitchen waitin’ for the microwave to stop, listenin’ to Nas spit his lyrics and gazin’ at the TV when a special news report flashed across the screen. I ain’t gonna front, a bitch got real curious when this Asian-lookin’ reporter chick was standin’ in front of the Delano Hotel in South Beach. The same fuckin’ spot I was a few weeks ago. And when the face of the nigga I bodied appeared, I almost fainted. I ran across the kitchen to grab the stereo remote to turn that shit down. I caught what the chick was sayin’ in mid-sentence.

“…Prominent criminal defense attorney Lyndon Blair Holmes was last seen at this world-class urban resort nestled here in the heart of South Beach three and a half weeks ago. Although the details regarding his disappearance are sketchy, hotel staff state the multimillionaire had been served at the Rose Bar around nine p.m., and was sitting alone. At ten-thirty that evening, he called housekeeping from his room for fresh towels. No one has seen or heard from him since. All of his personal items were still in his suite and his 2006 Lamborghini remained in the parking garage. His wife alerted authorities when she had not heard from her husband in two days, and he hadn’t returned any of her calls. Authorities urge potential witnesses to come forward. A one-million-dollar reward is being offered by the family to anyone with information that will lead investigators to his whereabouts. Currently there are no leads…”

’Cause his ass is dead, bitch!

His wife, a cute brown-skinned chick dipped in jewels, was sobbin’ and talkin’ into the camera. I turned that shit off. I wasn’t beat to hear her beggin’ and pleadin’ for his safe return home. I didn’t wanna hear jack ’bout her missin’ him, and how much she loved him, especially when the bitch probably had somethin’ to do with his ass bein’ slumped. A bitch was through. I put my food on a plate, then took my ass downstairs into my theater room to spark a Dutch, eat, and watch Perfect Stranger with Halle Berry.

At nine p.m. my phone rang. I glanced at the caller ID, then picked up. It was my girl Chanel. “Whaddup, ho?”

“Hey, hooker, what’s good?”

“Shit,” I said, holdin’ the phone in the crook of my neck while I spun the chamber of my revolver, making sure it was packed with a full load of heat. I placed the safety latch on it, then laid it back in its case and closed the drawer. “What’s poppin’ tonight?”

“This baller nigga, from Newark, Thug Gee, is havin’ a party tonight at Studio 9. Word has it it’s gonna be packed with long dollars and thick dick.”

“Hmmph,” I grunted. “And a bunch of dick-thirsty Wal-Mart bitches,” I said, rollin’ my eyes up in my head. I really wasn’t in the mood for bein’ around a bunch of hatin’-ass hoes, especially them Jersey bitches, ’cause I already knew that the first one who eyeballed me recklessly or said somethin’ slick outta the side of her neck, I’d have to slide her ass. But I also knew them bitches didn’t really want it.

Although me and Chanel were restin’ across the dirty-ass Hudson here in Jersey while Tamia and Iris still parlayed in Brooklyn, it had been a minute since me and my girls all chilled together. Although Tamia and Iris were my girls, Chanel and I had been friends since second grade and I’d only been friends with Tamia and Iris since junior high. So my history with them bitches was a little different from the one with Chanel. Granted, Chanel was much tighter with them than I was, but I must say, for the last six or seven years, the four of us were thick as thieves and had a rep of rockin’ the hottest wears, pushin’ the slick-ass whips, fuckin’ the finest niggas, and turnin’ a club out. However, on some real shit, it was all an illusion ’cause along with that rep came some extra shit for a few of these hoes. But I ain’t gonna pull any cards right now. So, I’ma keep it cute, and keep it movin’.

Anyway, after thinkin’ ’bout it, it was a Friday night, and I really did feel like poppin’ and droppin’ it a bit. What the fuck, I thought. “Okay, trick, what time we rollin’?”

“Eleven,” she said. “Tamia and Iris are already here chillin’ at my spot. You want us to come through and scoop you?”

I looked down at my diamond bezel timepiece. It was ten after nine. “Nah, I’m drivin’,” I replied, shiftin’ the cordless phone from one ear to the other, walkin’ into my elaborate walk-in closet laced with all the illest shit from Chanel, Emilio Pucci, Vera Wang, Gucci, Louis Vuitton, and Hermes. “I’ll be there quarter of. Make sure you hoes are ready.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah…whatever!”

“And you cock suckas ain’t smokin’ in my shit either.”

“Love you, too,” she said, laughin’.

“See ya asses in a minute,” I said, laughin’ to myself before hangin’ up. I stared at my enormous designer collection, then, after ten minutes of shufflin’ and rustlin’ through shit, I decided to rock a black, knee-grazin’ Gucci wrap dress and a pair of Gucci stilettos. Yeah, give them broke bitches somethin’ to hate, my mind snapped as I headed toward my bathroom, thinkin’ about gettin’ my two-step on.

An hour later, I was standin’ in my full-length mirror, fully dressed, puttin’ my two-carat studs in my ears and makin’ sure my hair and face were on point. “This is why I’m hot, dammit,” I said, admirin’ the way my fifteen- hundred-dollar dress clung to my curves, lettin’ muhfuckas know just what I was workin’ with and revealin’ an ample amount of cleavage—just enough to let ’em know my titty game was right. I grabbed my black Gucci hobo bag and made my way to my garage, then opened the door to my metallic silver S550. I slid inside the butter-soft gray leather interior, pressed the garage door button, then turned on the CD player. Lil’ Kim’s “Kitty Box” blared from the speakers as I made my way to pick up my crew.

When we finally pulled into the parkin’ area, it was packed. The niggas and bitches were pilin’ outta luxury cars in droves. The thought of grindin’ my ass up against a nigga’s dick made my pussy twitch. I pulled into a parkin’ space next to a sweet-ass bronze-colored Bentley. The shit was bangin’. I wonder who’s pushin’ that whip? I thought, flippin’ down my visor. We all checked our faces and hair to make sure shit was regulated.