— Yet you love him?
— I didn’t always.
— You love him now?
— He has changed.
Fraera leaned forward:
— Why can’t you answer? Do you love him?
— Yes.
— I want to hear you say it: I love him.
— I love him.
Fraera sat back, considering. Raisa added by way of explanation:
— He’s not the man who arrested you. He’s not the same.
— You are right. He is not. There is one crucial difference. In the past he was unloved. Today he is loved. You love him.
Fraera unbuttoned her shirt, restricted by the collar, revealing the top of her tattoos that unraveled across her body like the symbols of an ancient witchcraft:
— Raisa, how much do you know about him? How much do you know about his past?
— He infiltrated your husband’s church. He betrayed you, he betrayed your congregation, and he betrayed Lazar.
— And for those things alone, he deserves to die. However, did you know that before he revealed his betrayal, he proposed to me? Like a young lover under a full moon?
Raisa dropped her head and nodded:
— Yes, he asked you to leave Lazar. At the time I’m sure he believed you would want to become his wife. He was deluded. He has been deluded about many things, love included. Love, particularly.
Fraera seemed disappointed, wanting to pick open a secret. She continued, her enthusiasm notably diminished:
— He thought he was trying to save me. In fact, he was trying to save himself. Had I accepted his offer, he would’ve tricked himself into believing that he was, at heart, a decent man. I would not excuse his crimes so easily. I made him a promise. I swore that he would never be loved. I was sure that I was right because how could such a monster be loved? Who would love him?
Raisa felt flustered under Fraera’s stare:
— I will not defend the things he did.
— But you must. You love him. I’ve seen the two of you together. I’ve watched you, spied on you, as Leo once spied me. You make him happy. What’s worse, he makes you happy. Your love for him is everything. That is why I am placing it on trial. That is why I am here.I want to find out, how it is possible that you can live with him. Sleep with him. I thought at first you might be stupid: an officer’s trophy, beautiful and unquestioning. I thought you didn’t care about the crimes Leo has committed.
Fraera stood up, crossing the divide and sitting on the same bed as Raisa, positioned like two best friends sharing secrets in the middle of the night:
— Yet you exhibit no mindless loyalty to the State. There were even rumors of you being a dissident. Your love for Leo became an even greater mystery, one that I had to solve at all costs. I was forced to delve into your past. May I share my findings?
— You have my daughter. You may do as you please.
— Your family was killed during the war. You lived as a refugee.
Raisa was paralyzed as Fraera wielded information like a knife:
— During those years you were raped.
Raisa’s mouth opened, a fraction, enough to serve as confirmation. She didn’t try to deny it, sensing there was more to follow:
— How did you know?
— Because I visited the orphanage where you abandoned your child.
Raisa felt something far more powerful than surprise. The most intimate secrets from her past, events that she’d carefully buried and laid to rest, were being dug up and brandished before her. Scrutinizing Raisa’s reaction, Fraera took hold of her hand:
— Leo doesn’t know?
Raisa held Fraera’s hopeful stare, answering:
— He knows.
Once again Fraera looked disappointed:
— I don’t believe you.
— It took many years for me to tell him but I did. He knows, Fraera: he knows it all. He knows I can’t have children, he knows why, he knows that the only child I will ever give birth to I gave away. He knows my shame. I know his.
Fraera touched Raisa’s face:
— That is why you married Leo? You sensed how desperate he was to be loved. He would gladly have accepted the opportunity to be father to your child. You saw him as an opportunity. You would bring your child back from the orphanage.
— No, I knew my child had died before I met Leo. I went to the orphanage as soon as I was strong enough, as soon as I’d found a home, as soon as I was able to be a mother again. They told me that my son had died of typhus.
— So why did you marry Leo? What reason was there for saying yes to him?
— Since I’d already given up my son in order to survive, in comparison it didn’t seem too much of a compromise to marry a man I feared rather than loved.
Fraera leaned forward and kissed Raisa. Pulling back, she said:
— I can taste your love for him. And your hatred of me…
— You have taken my child.
Fraera stood up, walking to the door, buttoning up her shirt:
— She is not yours. As long as you love Leo you leave me no choice. Your love for him is the reason he can live with himself. He has committed unspeakable crimes and yet, despite this, he is loved. He has murdered and he is loved. And by a woman any man would admire, by a woman I admire. Your love excuses him. It is his redemption.
Fraera fastened her jacket, returning the cap to her head, disappearing into her disguise.
— I spoke to Zoya before I came to see you. I wanted to hear what life was like in this sham of a family. She is intelligent, broken, messed up. I like her very much. She told me that she made you an offer. Leave Leo and she could be happy.
Raisa was appalled. Zoya was supposed to be a hostage. Yet she was confiding in Fraera, talking about Raisa, equipping their enemy with all the family secrets she needed. Fraera continued:
— I’m surprised you could be so cruel as to dismiss her request with a declaration of love for Leo. This is a girl so disturbed that she takes a knife from your kitchen and stands over Leo while he sleeps, planning to cut his throat.
Raisa’s guard fell. She didn’t know what Fraera was referring to — what knife? A knife held over Leo? After several attempts Fraera had finally landed upon a weakness — a lie, a secret. She smiled:
— It seems there is something Leo hasn’t told you. It’s true, Zoya used to stand by his side of the bed, holding a knife. Leo caught her. And he didn’t tell you?
In an instant Raisa fitted together the discrepancies. When she’d found Leo sitting at the kitchen table, brooding, he hadn’t been concerned about Nikolai, he’d been thinking about Zoya. She’d asked him what was wrong. He’d said nothing. He’d lied to her.
Fraera was now in control:
— Bearing that incident in mind, think about what I’m about to say carefully. I will repeat Zoya’s offer. I will return Zoya to your care, unharmed. In exchange you and the girls must never see Leo again. Love the
