partly to blame was hard to take. Saint Dane played me. So did Nevva. They built up my ego and made me think I was invincible. For all I knew, this was Saint Dane’s plan all along. We Travelers have had a lot of success. I’ve had a lot of success. When Saint Dane physically attacked me on Zadaa, it pushed me into becoming a fighter. I was good at it. I may not have had the full-on killer instinct, but I was good. It now looked as if everything was designed to put me in this position, and cause the loss of another territory. And Halla.
My shame became complete when I was walking on the street several days after the Grand X. The screens on top of the buildings came to life. Who appeared? Veego and LaBerge. They were back in business. If that weren’t bad enough, they were there to introduce a new Quillan game.
The contestants were the new Challenger Red and Challenger Green.
The new Challenger Green was… Tylee Magna. They had captured her shortly after Mr. Pop was destroyed. None of the revivers knew what had happened to her until that moment. The revivers had not only failed, their leader was being forced to play the Quillan games. I didn’t watch the match. I couldn’t.
I spent much of my time alone, writing this journal. This is the hardest journal I have had to write so far, because I feel as if I’m writing the final chapter. I don’t know what to do next. Go to Ibara and track down Nevva Winter? But what of Saint Dane? Where was he headed next? He mentioned something called the Convergence. Is that a territory? An event? I have no way of knowing.
I think one of the reasons I wasn’t quick to leave Quillan was because I didn’t want to accept total defeat. I wanted to believe there was some seed, some person, some slight burning ember that was dug out of the ruin of Mr. Pop that would tell me all wasn’t lost. But the longer I spent here, the more I realized I was dreaming. Quillan was dead. I helped kill it.
I almost ended the journal here. I was about to send it off to you guys when Sander paid me a visit in my little cell room.
“There’s someone here who wants to see you,” he said. “Who is it?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” Sander answered. “She says she knows you.”
I had no idea who it might be. Could another Traveler have shown up? Was it Loor? Or Aja? I followed Sander out to the common area that was an abandoned barbershop. Sitting in the ancient unused barber chair was an elderly woman. I didn’t recognize her until she spoke.
“Hello,” she said. “Do you remember me?”
“Yes!” I said. “I met you when I visited Mr. Pop. You gave me this for luck.” I still had on the dark beaded necklace with the single gold bead. “You probably should have kept it yourself,” I said, taking it off to give back to her.
“I don’t want it,” she said brusquely, almost in anger.
“Oh, okay,” I said. “I’m glad you’re okay.”
“I barely escaped ahead of the attack,” she said.
We both fell silent for a moment, remembering the carnage.
“Is there something I can do for you?” I asked.
“Maybe,” she said. “And maybe there’s something I can do for you. A while back I was given a gift. At the time I couldn’t accept it. My life was falling apart and I didn’t have the strength to deal with much of anything. I’m not proud of that, but at the time it did what I thought was right. I went into seclusion. I left behiiid everything I knew and dedicated myself to the revival, and to caring for the archives. For Mr. Pop.”
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“Not as much as I,” she said. “If I hadn’t done what I did, the library might still be safe. I’ll have to live with that for the rest of my life.”
“I don’t get it,” I said. “How could dedicating your life to Mr. Pop lead to its being destroyed?”
The woman took a deep tired breath, then said, “My name is Elli. Elli Winter. Nevva is my daughter.”
My head felt light. I had to sit in the other barber chair.
“Did she tell you about me?” she asked.
“Yes,” I said. “She thinks you tried to assassinate the trustees and that’s why you disappeared.”
Elli scoffed and said, “Maybe that would have been the smarter thing to do, as things turned out. Did you know my husband died in the tarz?”
“Yes,” I said.
“He loved Nevva. She was his world.”
“Excuse me,” I interrupted. “You said she’s your daughter?”
“Yes. We adopted her. She was always a precocious child. She challenged everything and questioned everyone. I wasn’t surprised when I found out she’d gone to work for the trustees of Blok, but I was never more proud than when I heard she had joined the revivers. I was able to keep up with her through word of mouth, but never wanted her to know where I was.”
“Why didn’t you tell her you were okay?” I asked.
“At first it was because of what happened to my husband. I was devastated. I truly couldn’t face the world, even Nevva. And then I was given some news that confused me even further. Instead of trying to understand, I ran away. Time went on and I found peace, but I didn’t know how to tell Nevva what I had done. I was so ashamed. That’s why I chose to live in the library. It was the most secret place I could find. Nobody came there. I was in a place where I could be alone to think and try to understand all that had happened.”
“So what was the news you got?” I asked.
Elli was wearing a dark cloak. She reached into the folds. “I told you that I received a gift. It was shortly after my husband died. I think you might know what this is.” She pulled her hand out of the cloak, clutching something tightly. She held it out and opened her hand to reveal… a Traveler ring.
“I was supposed to be the Traveler from Quillan, Pendragon. Your uncle Press brought me this ring and told me of my destiny. He said that I would be the Traveler until Nevva was ready, then I would pass the responsibility on to her.” Tears welled up in Elli’s eyes. “But I couldn’t do it. I was frightened. Hearing stories of flumes and territories and Halla and Saint Dane and you-it was all too much for me. So I ran away. Press was understanding, he told me that Nevva would take my place right away, but asked me to keep the ring. Now I find that my daughter has turned her back on everyone. She betrayed her people, and she betrayed the Travelers. If I’d been stronger, if I had been a better mother and faced my responsibilities, none of this would have happened.”
Elli was in tears. I put my arms around her and held her tight. She clutched at my shoulder.
“Why did she do it? What was she thinking? Is my daughter evil?”
‘I’m not going to defend her,” I said. “But I will say that Saint Dane is a powerful influence. He’s got her twisted into believing that to follow him is the best way to save Halla. Nevva is brilliant, maybe that’s why she was vulnerable. Saint Dane somehow appealed to her intellect, and won her over.”
Elli pulled away from me and wiped her eyes. “I promised mysqlf I wouldn’t do that.”
Hit’s okay,” I said.
“No, it’s not,” she said with authority. “I’m not the same person I was. This may sound strange coming from an old woman, but I’ve grown up. I’m ready.”
“For what?” I asked.
Elli took a deep breath and announced, “I’m ready to be the Traveler from Quillan.”
After all that had happened. After the devastation and betrayal and crushed ideals and total despair that had marked my stay on Quillan, I finally found it: In this simple old woman I found a small glimmer of hope. Would it be enough to resurrect a territory? Or save Halla? It’s way too soon to tell. But when you get as low as I had gotten, and this territory had gotten, having someone willing to take on the fight goes a long way. Saint Dane was right. Hope is a fragile thing. It’s easy to lose, but it’s possible to get it back. And I got it back.
I’m ending the journal here and sending it to you guys. I’m going to spend a few weeks with Elli, filling her in as best I can on all things about the Travelers. That’s pretty funny. How can I be the one to explain what it means to be a Traveler, when I barely know myself? I can’t help but run Saint Dane’s words over in my head. He said we weren’t real, that we were illusions. I don’t believe him. We are very real. We have saved territories. We have made mistakes, but we have made a difference. Mostly it’s been good. I’m not ready to give up the fight yet. I was, but Elli changed my thinking. If she’s willing to give it another go, so am I.
But right now I need to see a familiar face. I need to see people I know I can trust. I need to see you guys. Having Nevva turn on us has really set me back. It makes me wonder what reality really is, and where this is all going to lead. If there’s one thing I’ve gotten from Quillan, it’s that the battle with Saint Dane is a lot more complex