I went on to say that I felt the flames enveloping me, consuming me, and sweeping forth in an irresistible holocaust to burn everything away.
'So,' Kane told me as his black eyes caught up the brightness of my sword, 'there is the fire that torments and kills. But there is also the refining fire, the angel fire that burns the world clean and makes new all things to bring in a new age.'
'A new age,' I said, shaking my head. 'I must know what awaits me tomorrow, or next week. The
'But we can never know our fate,' he told me. 'All we can do is to accept it when it comes.'
'Must we accept all that is hateful and dark then?'
'Listen to me, Valashu, and listen well.' He took my hand in his and squeezed it as if greeting me for the first time. 'Each man has but one fate. You must love yours as you do life itself. You must greet it every morning, and every moment, with all your heart. You must clasp it to you, fiercely, with joy, and never let go. You must keep faith with it and cherish it so completely that you would wish it to come again and again, a million times a million times, through the fires of eternity and all the cycles of creation.'
I pulled my hand away from his and sat looking at it in the waning light. It seemed that there was neither blood nor bones inside, but only a cold, red jelly that quivered with every thought of the future. I said to Kane, 'Yes, perhaps I should do as you say. But who has the strength for that?'
'Strength is given to each of us equal to what we must bear. That is the design of the One.'
I looked with awe upon this fearsome man who had once been crucified to the naked rock of Skartaru, there to endure the torture of Morjin tearing at his insides every day for ten years.
'Perhaps,' I said, wiping away the cold, slick of sweat on my hand 'But surely the One looked away from me when I thought to claim the Lightstone for myself And when I killed Ravik.'
'So, you don't want to be overlooked, do you?' he growled out as he gazed at me. 'Then have faith! When we have faith, we become more visible to the One.'
So saying, he grasped the mandolet that he had slung on his back. He tapped his finger against its polished wood and plucked its strings, tuning it. I was glad that he had taken this lovely instrument after Alphanderry had died.
For a while, as the campfires below us sent plumes of smoke into the air and night darkened the woods, he played an old song that was one of Alphanderry's favorites. It had no words that I knew, but each of the notes that Kane called forth was as clear and full of meaning as an entire poem. There was mourning in the music that he made, and yet great praise and exaltation, too. It rang out with an immense will simply to be. The sweet, sad melody breathed new life into me and raised up my spirits toward the sky's shimmering stars.
Kane's eyes shone like stars themselves. The fierceness of his face gradually fell away from him. His whole being seemed to open like a great, golden flower with infinitely many layers of petals. There was a part of him at its center, a precious jewel, that he kept always to himself. And within this secret heart gathered a song that was all beauty, fire and grace.
I gasped in wonder when Flick suddenly appeared above the stream and took on Alphanderry's form. I saw Kane smiling as this luminous Alphanderry began singing to the music in a voice so beautiful that I could hardly bear it. It seemed that the constellations above us and all the earth were singing along with him, in fire and in joy, giving answer to the essential anguish of life.
And then Kane finished his song, and Alphanderry vanished back into neveness. And Kane murmured, 'My friend, my little friend.'
'What was it he said?' I asked him. 'This language of the angels — I'm still not able to understand it.'
'Nor I,' Kane told me, staring off at the stars.
'What?' I said. 'But you are — '
'I am who I am,' he told me. 'And I have forgotten this language. Or been denied it. In the end, it amounts to the same thing.'
I listened to the tinkling stream as it rushed over the moon-silvered rocks. I said, 'But how? How is this possible?'
He gazed at me as a sad smile played upon his lips. And then he told me, 'It is strange. The One looks out from my eyes, and yours — and so with a squirrel and a butterfly and all things that see. The One feels the earth through my fingers and yours, the rain upon the face of a child, the wind through an oak tree's leaves. All things have just one taste and blaze with a single flame, infinite and inextinguishable, that is their source and true being. And yet, I forget. So, I forget who I really am, and that's the hell of it — I forget, and then all that is lovely and light falls ugly and dark.'
From somewhere in the mountains around us, a wolf called in his immense loneliness to the moon. I thought I heard an eagle cry out, too, but that seemed impossible since eagles do not fly at night.
Kane strapped the mandolet back over his shoulder, then said to me, 'You must take to heart what I'll tell you now: the One moves all things for a purpose, even if we do not see it. And so
I knew that what he had told me was true. And yet I also believed what my grandfather had once told me: that some men are born to make their own fate. Hope blazed inside me then. I looked toward the dark mountains looming on the horizon like great, humped monsters. Would I find Morjin on the other side of them? I vowed that if I did, this time I would close with him in battle and kill him, even if it killed me, too, as Atara had once warned. How else to deal with this Great Beast who had finally overreached himself? How could I turn away from such a fate?
'Thank you for the song,' I said to Kane, bowing my head to him. I lifted Alkaladur up toward the sky and added, 'Thank you for the sword, too.'
He bowed back to me, then smiled his savage smile. He sniffed the air, which was smoky with the smell of roasting meat 'So, then, let s go and eat some of that lamb that Liljana is cooking us and replenish our strength, eh? I'm fairly starved.'
He stood up and held out his hand to pull me up to my feet. We walked back to our camp together. After we had our feast, I retired to my pavilion and lay awake almost all night trying to descry the pattern and purpose of the stars.
The next morning I led my columns of knights through the pass and down into Mesh.
Chapter 31
It was two days later when we finally turned off the North Road and wound our way up the steep hill to my father's castle. I looked upon its stark granite walls with a new eye, for I saw in its towers and battlements not just a cold, enclosing hardness but the strength to protect people and things that were dear to me. Carts full of grain and shepherds driving flocks of baahing sheep impeded our way up to the north gate, for Morjin's army had been sighted approaching Mesh only two days before, and already the castle was laying in extra stores against invasion. On our ride down from Ishka, we had heard talk of little else. The call to arms had gone out to all men of the kingdom able to wield a sword. From the Culhadosh River to the kel keeps in the west, from Ki in the north to Godhra in the south, farmers were setting down their hoes, and blacksmiths their hammers, and strapping on their kalamas instead. The first of these warriors, in their tens and twenties, were arriving in Silvassu from across the Valley of the Swans. The castle could not shelter them all, and so the army gath-ered in the fields along the Kurash River, below the city. Some of the knights called up, however, had business at the castle, and these, too, crowded the road ahead of us. Maram insisted that they should make way for the Lightstone's Guardians, but I counseled patience. During the days to come, I thought, all of Mesh would need the patience of the mountains.
Our entrance to the castle was heralded by the blowing of horns and shouts of gladness. As we drew up in the north ward, packed with creaking carts, squawking chickens and dogs barking and darting about, young squires went running to summon my father and brothers. Three of these — Yarashan, Mandru and Ravar — were gone for the day, but Jonathay and Karshur came hurrying out of the gateway leading to the middle ward. 'Val, you've come home!' Jonathay called out to me. I dismounted and gave Altaru over to one of squires who gathered around our
