Lord of Lies

I sent Maram to open it. I turned to see Master Juwain and Liljana walk into the room. Their robes showed almost as much blood as the garments of the dead.

'Why are you here, sir?' I said to Master Juwain. I gazed at Liljana. 'There must be wounded from the battle to attend to. Thousands of them.'

'I'm afraid there are,' Master Juwain said. 'But there are other healers. We heard that the castle had been overrun. And so we came here to attend to the women and children.'

I stared at the black banner covering my mother and grandmother. 'Then you've come in vain. They're all dead.'

But in this, I was wrong. Again, someone knocked at the door, and again Maram went to open it. And Daj and Estrella ran into the room.

'What?' I cried out.

Estrella hurried up to Atara and buried her face against her leather armor as she burst out weeping. Daj clasped my hand in his, and his eyes filled with a wild light.

'We hid beneath the wine cellars,' he explained to me. 'In the chambers there.'

'But there are no chambers beneath the wine cellars!' I said.

But it seemed that there were: secret chambers, as Daj told me, built long ago. Somehow, Estrella had discovered them. Like a rat, Daj had once survived in the dark, tunneled earth beneath Argattha. And now he and Estrella had miraculously survived again.

'At first we tried hiding in the granary, with the others,' Daj told me. 'But then, when Lord Morjin's men started killing everyone and taking slaves, we had to find a better place.'

'He took slaves?' I said to him.

Daj nodded his head. 'Dasha. Priara. Lord Tomavar's wife. Other women.'

'Dasha Ambar?' Maram cried out. Tears sprang-into his eyes. 'Then I'll never go riding with her again! Ah, too bad, too bad. But at least she was spared. These beautiful, beautiful women, still alive.'

'No,' I said to him, clenching my fist, 'they're worse than dead.'

I looked out into the hall, at the still and silent people lying there. The faces of all those I had seen fail that day on the Culhadosh Commons burned like writhing flames in my mind.

'So many dead,' I murmured. I thought of all the women and children taking refuge in Lashku and Godhra and in Mesh's other cities and towns. I thought of all those in the other cities and realms of Ea, and I said, 'So many waiting to die.'

Atara slid her hand over mine and said, 'Val, you — '

'I killed them all!' I shouted.

'No, you mustn't blame — '

'It is upon me!' I said, pulling my hand away from hers. 'If I hadn't gone to Tria, and killed Ravik Kirriland there, the Valari kings would have sent help to Mesh. Morjin would never have dared to invade us.'

'But you can't know that!'

I was hardly listening to her. I said. 'I was warned of a ghul. I thought it was me. But it was I who made Lansar into what he became.'

'No, no.'

'My father was right: I should never have left the castle.'

Any why did I leave? Because I thought that Asaru had called for me? Or because I was all too glad to have a chance to ride out and kill Morjin?

'So many dead,' I whispered, looking about the hall.

And suddenly, their souls called to me from that dark and dreadful place that I had always turned away from, and I wanted to join them. Asaru's dying breath burned from my lips. So did that of Mandru and Yarashan, and all my brothers. My mother cried out my name as spears pierced her limbs and belly. And my father. The son of Elkasar Elahad and all of my ancestors, even the Elahad, himself — calling, calling like wolves lost in an endless night. Surely the moment had finally come to end their proud and ancient line that went back to Adar in the mists of the beginning of time?

So much death, I thought as I gazed at the black shroud covering my grandmother. So much evil.

I hated this dark twisting of the soul as I hated Morjin — as I hated myself. I, freely, of my own will, had chosen to believe that I was the Maitreya. And death had descended upon this wrong as surely as night follows day.

'I knew,' I whispered. 'I always knew.'

Smoke wafted into the room, and I could hardly breathe. I choked on the stench of blood and charred flesh. The end of the world, in a hellish conflagration hotter than the sun, seemed to hang in the air. Cold knives pierced my belly, groin and throat — every part of me. My heart was a swollen sack of poison ready to burst open. There was too much pain. I had brought much of it into the world. I was a murderer, truly, and the punishment for murder was death.

I walked away from my friends, looking for a crack in the floor-stones. I never again wanted to see a child hacked into pieces with a sword. Never to see the terror in a man's eyes when I fell upon him with my sword, never to smell his fear or to hear his shrieks: all that I desired was to join my brother Guardians in peace, quiet and nothingness.

'No, Val, no!' Atara cried out. I I finally found a good place to wedge the hilt of my sword so that I could fall upon it. I moved to do so. But Kane was too quick for me. He leapt across the room like a tiger and grabbed me from behind. He was strong, like a beast, like an angel, so unbelievably strong. His arms encircled me like iron bands.

Maram and Liljana came forward to help hold me, too. Master Juwain pried my fingers open while Atara took hold of my sword. After Kane had let go of me, she gave it to him. He stood holding the bright blade that he had forged long ago. 'So, Val,' he murmured as he stared at me.

'I have another sword,' I told him. 'With it, I killed Ravik Kirriland.' The hate built inside me, hotter and hotter, deeper and deeper. It was like a fire out of the heart of the stars that nothing, least of all I, could resist.

Then Daj stepped closer, and the shackle marks on his wrists reminded me that many had suffered more than I. In the blaze of Kane's bright, black eyes was the assurance that there was no pain so great that a man could not bear it. Maram, I knew, wanted to tell me that we still had many a glass of beer to drink together. Atara touched my hand in love. It was with love and gratitude for her life that Estrella looked at me — and with something more. For she was truly the mirror of my soul. And in this magical child I saw myself, for all my failings: wild, noble and free. Master Juwain and Liljana, too, came up to me, and they rested their hands over my heart. Then Flick appeared out of nothingness, and Alphanderry's bright face shimmered in the air. My friends all surrounded me like a ring of angels. And then they took away my other sword.

'Live,' Kane said to me. 'Promise me that you'll live.' I felt within my hands and heart the life that the One had given me, still pouring through me like a glorious flame. Who was I to put it out?

'All right,' I told him. 'I promise.'

Kane's hand smacked into mine, and then squeezed me, hard, as if testing my resolve. He pulled me up so close to him that I could feel his eyes burning into mine. And he murmured, 'So, Val, so.'

A moment later, he broke away from me. 'Ha!' he cried out. Then he gave me back Alkaladur.

In its silvery substance I saw his savage, smiling face — and my own. I said to him, 'You would have killed me with this, wouldn't you?'

And he growled out, 'Yes, I would have. As it was for Lansar, so it is for you. If you have given up, if you had despaired, utterly — Morjin would have made a ghul of you. Can you not feel his presence in this

room?'

I looked from one end of the hall to the other, and I nodded. 'Now that he holds the Lightstone,' he said, 'his power will be even greater. We must all watch for each other and guard our souls.'

I walked back over to the dais where the Guardians had given their lives, if not their souls, in defense of that which I had forsaken. I laid my hand on Sunjay's forehead. I said, 'I have done such a great wrong.'

'Yes,' Kane told me, 'you have. And your punishment is to live.' I bowed my head in acceptance of this judgment. Once, I had tried to defy the will of the One in trying to rid the world of suffering. Now I would no longer