Black Jade

As the sun's light broke upon the fillet binding his forehead, I pressed my finger hard into the little zags of the scar that cut mine like a lightning bolt. And I said, 'You have pledged to ride with us, even so. Will you keep your pledge?'

Bajorak looked back and forth between Pirraj and Kashak as anger clouded his eyes. He shook his bow at me and snapped out: 'We Tarun are no pledge-breakers! Hai, but you are a hard man, Valashu Elahad. And a willful one! Let us ride then, if that is your wish!'

And with that, he jumped back on his horse, and with Pirraj and Kashak, galloped back to the bend in the river where most of his warriors were gathered.

Liljana stood with her arms thrown protectively around Daj and Estrella. And she scolded me: 'You were barely cordial to him. I've never seen you be so hard.'

I watched as Karimah returned to the Manslayers, who were getting ready to ride again, fend I said, 'We know little of this Bajorak and his true intentions. And you've been able to tell me little.'

She clapped her hand to her pocket where she had secreted her blue gelstei. 'Would you have me try to tell you?'

'As you tried with the Red Knights?'

Liljana's heavy eyebrows pulled into a frown. 'You're hard with me, too — cruel hard. What have I done to make you so?'

The hurt in her eyes stabbed straight into me. I took her hand in mine and said, 'My apologies, Liljana. You've done nothing. Now why don't we see if we can lose these damn knights before the sun reaches noon?'

After that we set out as before and continued our race acrossthe Wendrush. We drove our remounts too hard; I felt fire in the lungs of these great beasts and spreading out along their blood to torment their bunching muscles and straining joints. It grew hot, not quite so sweltering as in Marud or Soal, but too hot for early

Ashte. The sun rose higher and shot its golden flames at us. I sweated beneath layers of wool, mail and leather underpadding. The wind in my face carried some of this moisture away, but did little to cool my sodden body. I turned to see the others working hard as well. Maram, on top of his bounding brown gelding, puffed and grunted and sweated like a pig. Kane sweated, too, for he was attired no differently. As always, though, he made no complaint. His black eyes seemed to say to me that the Red Knights following us in their thicker armor suffered even worse than we.

The riding quickly became a misery. Biting black flies buzzed around our eyes and ears. I watched Bajorak leading his more lightly-clad warriors ahead of us. Would he honor his word, I wondered? Or did he hope to use us as bait, inviting an attack by other companies of Red Knights and Zayak who would join our pursuers? Perhaps, I thought, Bajorak would then call down a host of Tarun warriors that he might have secreted somewhere among the steppe's long grasses. He would annihilate his enemy and use this incident as a reason to mount a rebellion against Garthax. And he would not care if my friends and I — kradaks, all, except for Atara — happened to be annihilated, too.

My father had once told me that a king should strive to dwell inside others' skins and perceive the world as they did. It should have been easy for me to know the truth about Bajorak, easier than it was for Liljana. But it was harder. In the shallows of the Great Northern Ocean, I had once seen an oyster which closed itself inside its shell when disturbed. So it was with me and my gift. All my life I had avoided the harsh touch of others' passions. And why? Because, like grit in the eyes, it hurt. And even more, because I was afraid. Bajorak had said that Garthax was not his father's equal. Neither, I thought, was I mine.

And so I rode on and on, watching the glints of gold about Bajorak ahead of me and turning to gaze at the red smear of Morjin's knights and the Zayak warriors on their ponies pounding after us across the sunlit plain. We did not escape them all that long day. We were only three miles from the mountains when at last we stopped to make camp by a stream that flowed down from these heights. And as with the night before, our enemy set up their tents only a mile away.

We were all tired and sore from the cruel day's work, and so none of us had much enthusiasm for tending the horses, gathering wood and water, making the fire, and other such things. As usual when the sun went down, Liljana took charge. She insisted on preparing us a hot meal, and it was good to sit down with our bowls of bloody sagosk meat, whose juices we mopped up with fresh rushk cakes. These Liljana made herself, for she had excused both Daj and Estrella from their chores. The children were so weary and worn that they could hardly hold their bowls to eat their dinners. The sun had burnt their faces, and dust dirtied their hair. Although Daj would not allow himself to whine as other children did, much less to weep, I knew that the hard riding had chafed him, nearly flaying the flesh from his legs. Estrella was in even worse condition. She sat very still, fighting to keep her eyes open. Even the slightest motion caused her to wince in pain.

'Ah, that was a day!' Maram sighed out as he worked at a piece of hastily roasted meat. 'The hardest ride we've had since Count Ulanu chased us to Khaisham.'

I remembered that day too well. It had ended with an arrow shot through Atara's lung and the death of our friend, Alphanderry. I suddenly could not bear the iron tang of my meat, and I put down my knife and bowl.

'Ah, oh — oh, my poor, poor aching body!' Maram groaned. He moved stiffly to bring out lis brandy bottle, and he caught Master Juwain's eye. 'Surely sir, this is a night for prescribing a little restorative drink?'

'Surely it is not,' Master Juwain told him, taking the bottle and putting it away. 'At least, not that kind of drink. I shall make us all a tea that will soothe rather than numb us.'

So saying, he found some herbs in his medicine chest and brewed up a pot of tea. The hot drink, sweetened with honey, stole some of the hurt from our limbs. Upon sipping it, Daj and Estrella almost immediately lay down opon their furs. Liljana sat between them, stroking their hair and singing them to sleep. After a while her dulcet voice murmured out above the crackle of the fire as she said to me: 'We cannot travel tomorrow as we did today. They're children, Val.'

Because her words disturbed me, I stood up to walk by the stream. I paused beneath a huge old cottonwood tree as I looked out at our enemy's campfires. Across the stream Karimah had posted sentinels who would sit on their horses all night guarding us from attack. Kane found me there, staring at their dark, ghostly forms as I listened to the water gurgling over rounded rocks.

'You shouldn't be alone here,' he told me as he stood with his hand on the hilt of his sword. His eyes searched the grass for stalking lions, no less Zayak warriors.

'I shouldn't have brought Daj and Estrella with us,' I told him. 'All on such a narrow chance.'

'You know the need,' he growled out. 'You did the right thing.'

'Did I? Or have I only stolen from them the few days of peace they might have had before. . before there is no peace, for anyone?'

'You take too much upon yourself.'

'No, too little,' I said. 'Daj is as tough as a diamond, but Estrella suffers. Inside, even more than out. I. . cannot tell you. She sees too deeply inside of things. There are places she's terrified to go. And it's as if I am taking her into the worst of these places, back into a black tunnel that has no end.'

'Is it her suffering that grieves you or your own?'

'But there is no difference!' I said. 'Especially with her, it is one.'

'She is a radiant child,' he told me. 'I have seen many moments when her joy, too, became your own.'

'Even then,' I said, listening to the stream, 'it is like drinking too much wine too quickly.'

Kane stared up at the stars, and his voice grew strange and deep as he told me, 'The valarda is the gift of the One. You have yet to learn how to use it.'

'It is a curse!' I said, shaking my head. 'It is an affliction, like a pox upon the skin, like a rupture of the heart.'

At this, he grabbed my arm and shook me as a lion might a lamb. And he growled out, 'You might as well complain that life is a curse. And that light is an affliction because it carries into your eyes all the ugliness and evil of the world!'

'Yes,' I said, feeling the fire inside me. 'It must have been like that for Artukan when the kirax made him gouge out his own eyes.'

Now Kane squeezed my arm so hard I thought my bones might break. 'Tell that to Atara, why don't you? Let her hear you damn your eyes, and hers, and see what she will say!'

I pulled away from him, and looked past the cottonwood's dark fluttering leaves at the sky. I found the Seven