Embrace the Highland Warrior

Shay glanced at her watch. Nina and Matilda never went to bed before midnight. Better check in with Nina before she and Matilda showed up pounding on the door. Matilda answered the phone before it finished the first ring. “Frank Simpson, go jump in the lake, or go find that floozy, Ethel Mae. She’s probably strutting her stuff over at the Moose Lodge right now, since she got rid of those big ol’ varicose veins.”

“Matilda,” Shay shouted, but the phone went dead. She sighed and redialed.

“You oversexed pervert—”

“Aunt Matilda, it’s Shay.” Matilda wasn’t her aunt; she was Nina’s cousin, but Matilda didn’t have kids, and she liked it when Shay called her aunt.

“Shay?” Matilda’s voice dropped from deafening to almost deafening. “I thought you were Frank Simpson.”

“I’m sorry I called so late. I hope you weren’t asleep.”

“How could anyone sleep with Frank Simpson roaming the earth?”

“What’s he up to now, Aunt Matilda?” Matilda and Frank were always fighting over something.

“He’s writing a review for some old folks’ magazine. Keeps pestering me to check out some bed and breakfasts with him. Old folks? Well! You know as well as I do that I just turned fifty-nine.” Matilda had been fifty-nine since Shay finished middle school. “Says he needs a female perspective. Last year he asked Janice Childress to check out ski lodges with him. The stories I heard would’ve made a sailor blush. It wasn’t her perspective he was after. Had to get her to repeat the tale twice, just to make sure I heard right. Thought I’d have to go to confession, just from listening to it, or do penance or something. Do they still do that?”

“I—”

“Anyway, the man just won’t take no for an answer. It’s my red hair, you know. It’s like waving a red flag in front of a bull. I’ll bet Frank’s over at the pharmacy right now picking up Viagra. Pervert. It took me five years to find this color, and now I’m going to have to change it. I’d rather have my heart ripped out than tell Eduardo. He customized this color for me. Razzing Red, he calls it. Nobody else has it. I just don’t know what he’ll do. You remember, Eduardo. He’s so temperamental. All those artists are. I think he’s a Homo sapien.”

“You mean homosex—never mind.”

“All the good ones are. They just understand hair. I think it’s genetic.”

“I just—”

“You really think that Viagra works? I’ve heard that some men go around… you know, stuck like that for hours. Must be uncomfortable, not to mention embarrassing. Why, you couldn’t even leave the house. And what if you had to tinkle? Oh, listen to me blabbering on when you must want to talk to Nina. She’s been going on and on about you coming home. I’m so glad you’re there. You belong in Virginia. It’s a good, safe place. No one would break into your shop here. I’ll call Nina for you.”

Shay yanked the phone away from her ear, but not fast enough.

“Nina! It’s Shay!” Matilda yelled. “Now you take care of yourself, Shay, and kiss those boys for me. If you were smart, you’d marry one of them.”

Marry? Shay looked down at Cody’s T-shirt draping her body and his underwear caressing her intimate parts.

“Shay, how are you?” Nina’s voice was a hair lower than Matilda’s. Neither of them could hear squat. In the background, Matilda continued to rant about Frank.

“I’m okay, Nina.”

“How nice to hear a sane voice. Did you talk to the police?”

“They arrested the guy. It’s fine.”

“Did you happen to get his name, this intruder?” Nina asked, her voice stilted.

All Nina knew was that someone had broken into Shay’s shop. Shay wouldn’t have told her that much, but Nina had known something was wrong. “It was some strange name. Franklin or something.”

“Oh, well, that’s good.”

It was?

“Tell me, how is it to be home? The boys should be back soon.”

“The boys came home early. I didn’t know Cody was back.”

Nina paused. “I didn’t mention it? Are you sure?”

“I’m certain—”

“I must have forgotten. You know how distracted I get around Matilda. I’m telling you, she’s driving me insane, dragging me to all these bingo games. Now she wants to take me to Atlantic City to meet some of her friends. I swear, I think she has a gambling problem. I might have to do an intervention. I saw this program on TV where they had to do that. I shudder to think of it, but a woman her age ought to have more control. But enough about Matilda. Isn’t it just like old times with all the boys there?”

“It does bring back memories.” Some that would shock Nina’s socks off her dainty feet.

“You should’ve come home once in a while. I do hope you’ll forgive us and move back now. The place needs someone living in it, and I just couldn’t leave Matilda alone. God knows what kind of trouble she’d get into.”

“I’m still considering it, Nina.” Of course that was before she found out Cody was back.

“Well, I’d better go calm Matilda down before she has a stroke. It’s her own fault. Imagine, a woman her age showing cleavage. It’s ridiculous. Last month I talked her out of breast implants. Say hello to the boys for me. Hasn’t Cody turned out handsome? Joan, you remember my friend Joan? She’s the one who moved to Scotland a