neckline was too low, exposing my abundant charms, and I almost chickened out. But I pulled it on anyway, heading back into the bathroom to check it out.
It fit perfectly. I stared at my face in the mirror, shocked. I looked like me, and yet like a stranger. My thick brown hair curled around my face, my eyes were huge, my lips . . . I had to admit it, they were swollen from his mouth.
But that wasn’t the only place his mouth had been. I saw the mark on the side of my neck. Not the distinct puncture marks from vampire movies, but a scrape, made by something sharp. His teeth? He’d tasted me, I realized, but he hadn’t fed.
He’d had sex with me, but we hadn’t made love. And I was suddenly depressed.
As far as I could tell there were no clocks in Sheol, but I surmised it was somewhere around midday, both by the level of the sun in the misty sky and by the growling of my stomach, which was impressive. I climbed out one of the windows and went out onto the parapet. The damp sea air caught my hair and tossed it back, and I breathed in deeply. Suddenly looking at the ocean wasn’t enough—I needed to be down there, walking barefoot in the grass, wading in the gentle surf. I was tired of being a pariah.
The apartment’s front door opened easily, to my relief. I passed people on the stairs this time, but the hostility I’d felt from them seemed to have disappeared. No one glared at me—they even managed a friendly smile here and there—but clearly I was the least of their worries. Something was going on, and my self-centered mopiness faded as a real sense of anxiety began to intrude.
I made it all the way down the endless flights of stairs, though I knew that was the easy part. I half-expected one of the angelic gatekeepers to stop me as I went toward the door, but no one seemed to have any time for me, an absolute blessing.
I stepped outside onto the thick green grass and quickly kicked off the sandals I’d found. The wind was blowing in from the sea, and I let the damp air sweep over me, closing my eyes in pleasure. My skin would taste of salt, I thought. His skin would taste of salt. And that familiar/unfamiliar heat surged between my legs. Where he had been.
I walked over the grass, then the layer of small stones, then onto the sand, leaving wet footprints as I moved toward the retreating waves. It was odd that I’d never learned to swim, when I loved water so much. I think I’d always been slightly afraid of it, certain that I’d drowned once in a past life. How strange to think that in truth it had been in an afterlife, while trying to save a fallen angel.
I looked around me. The grounds spread off to the right, and for a moment I stared. It almost looked as if there were a shimmer at the distant edge, like a heat mirage, but the weather was temperate and there was no bright sun. I started toward it, walking in the sand, half-expecting it to move. Would I be able to touch it? Put my hand through it? Could I walk through it, to the other side and the real world that Raziel insisted no longer existed for me?
I would be a fool not to try.
I thought it might coalesce as I got closer, but it didn’t. I was close enough to feel it, and I stopped short, staring at it. It was some kind of
“Move away from the wall, Allie,” Sarah said, her tone sharp, and I jumped back, startled.
“Is that what it is?” I said disingenuously. What else could it possibly be? But for some reason I didn’t want Sarah to know I was thinking about running away.
“That’s what it is,” she said, her usually warm blue eyes flat. “What were you doing?”
I shrugged. “I was curious.”
She surveyed me for a long moment. “You’re lying,” she said eventually. “And I don’t know why. Raziel told us he lay with you, that he used the Grace of Knowing and even tasted your blood, and that there was no darkness within you, so it must be true.”
“He told you?” I said in a strangled voice. “All of you?”
“All of us. Otherwise you’d be back where he was told to leave you. Most of the Council wanted you gone anyway—only Raziel and I fought for you.”
“Raziel fought for me? Why?”
A small smile curved Sarah’s mouth. “You’ll have to ask him. I know you have a reason to be here in Sheol, but I see things others don’t. Maybe Raziel was simply being stubborn. Maybe it was something more. But you need to come away from the wall. The others won’t be as open-minded. They still think Raziel might be blinded by . . .” She let the words trail off, and her smile widened.
“By what?”
She threaded her arm through mine. “Never mind. Let’s just get away from here. It will be getting dark soon, and the Nephilim are near.”
I shivered, suddenly cold, remembering those howls during the long night when I’d watched over Raziel’s body. Time seemed suspended, moving oddly. It seemed so long ago that I’d curled up next to him, and it was only three days.
I’d heard those unearthy screams last night as well. Before Raziel gave me something else to think about.
By the time we reached the grass, I’d almost managed to shake off my feelings of dread. Until I looked into Sarah’s eyes. “What’s wrong? Where is everyone?”
She looked at me for a long moment, considering. “They’re going to break through. Everyone knows it, we just don’t know when. Someone has led them to the gate, and someone will let them in.”
“Not me!” I said in horror.
“No, not you. Though the others suspected you. And still would, if they saw you lingering down there. But someone inside
“Why? Why now?”
She shrugged. “Who knows how Uriel’s mind works? He’s wanted to destroy us for millennia, and he is very patient. We believe he finally has found a way in.”
“Through the Nephilim?”
“And the traitor.”
I looked out to the churning sea, breathing in the fresh salt spray. “So we’re all going to die,” I said in a flat voice.
“Not all of us. You have got something—”
“Raziel’s looking for me,” I broke in, startled.
She looked just as surprised. “Where?”
I looked around. There was no one in sight. The lawn and beach in front of the house were deserted in the waning light. “I’m sorry. I must have imagined it. What were you saying?”
Sarah shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. You’ll find out soon enough.”
“Don’t do that—I’ll die of curiosity!” I protested. And then I heard him. His voice, calling me. “He’s sounding really pissed off,” I said regretfully. “I’d better go to him.”
“How do you know this?”
I hadn’t even considered it. I shrugged. “I have no idea. I just know.”
A slow smile curved Sarah’s mouth. “How lovely,” she said in a soft voice. “Then you’d better go back. The two of you will have a lot to talk about.”
“I doubt it. I don’t think he’s going to want to talk to me at all. Couldn’t you come with me?
Sarah shook her head. “We’ll talk later. Just don’t let him bully you. Raziel can be very strong-minded.”
“I don’t really want to be left alone with him,” I said, feeling desperate.
“Why?”
“He’s either going to want to talk about it, which will be excruciatingly uncomfortable, or he’ll pretend it never happened, which will be even worse. If you’re with me, then it will be a moot point.”
“Sheol isn’t that different from the world,” Sarah said. “Men never want to talk about things.”
“That’s what I figured. But still—”
“You’ll be perfectly safe ignoring the entire situation until you decide not to ignore it any longer,” Sarah said smoothly. “Go on now.”
I had started walking up the slope when her voice trailed after me: “By the way, that’s a very pretty dress on you.”
I turned back, mortified. “And I never said thank you! It’s gorgeous, and so are all the others that I found in the closet. Thank you so much, Sarah!”
Her eyes twinkled. “I haven’t had time to get you new clothes, Allie. Raziel must have seen to it.”
I stared down at my dress. “Impossible,” I said flatly.
“If you say so. You’d better hurry. You probably don’t want to keep him waiting.”
I didn’t give a damn if he was kept waiting, I told myself as I double-timed it up the stairs. I had no idea which way he was coming, only that he was near, and sprinted toward the apartment.
I didn’t bother wondering how I knew. Presumably just part of the magic juju of this place. I made it to the apartment ahead of him, gasping for breath as I slammed the door behind me. I grabbed a loose sweater to pull around the less-than-generous top. Why did dresses in Sheol have decollete? I wondered. Wouldn’t a nun’s habit be more fitting?
Apparently not. This place, unlike the celibate, puritanical afterlife I’d always envisioned, was practically seething with sex. I raced into the bathroom, shoved rough fingers through my hair, and headed back out to the living room, taking a flying leap and landing on the sofa seconds before the front door opened.
“Where were you?” he demanded.
“I went for a walk. With Sarah,” I added. “I didn’t realize I was supposed to be a prisoner in here.”
“You’re not. Not anymore. But it would still be better if you went out with someone else. Someone told me you were at the gates, alone. Why?”
I saw no point in lying, particularly since he was able to read my thoughts whenever he wanted to. “I was thinking of leaving.”
“That would have been a grave mistake. The Nephilim are out there. You wouldn’t have survived five seconds once the sun went down.”
“Maybe I could have gotten past them—”
“Don’t you realize there’s no going back?” he demanded. “That life is over.
