One Day on Mars

the Seppy farms on the first day of the Desert Campaigns, or, in Fireman's Apprentice James King's case, work in the bowels of the shit flow pipes for the flagship of the United States Navy during the mass Exodus of the entire Separatist population in the system.

'That's right, Jimmy, this is just a bunch of shit. Seppy motherfuckers!' Hull Tech Buckley shouted at the top of his lungs and banged his fist against the bulkhead. They only needed a small flow loop. Just enough to give them a few seconds of the main gun! One little flow loop of coolant. Hell, they didn't even need anything exotic for just a few seconds. Just one little goddamned flow loop that wasn't already overheated.

Jimmy's right, Mija. This is a sock full of shit! Buckley thought to his AIC. It was nice knowing ya.

You too, Joe. Somebody has to take the shit and I guess there's nobody better trained for it than us, Mija replied, almost lightheartedly. Sorry, Joe.

Shit . . . shit . . . Joe shook his head and then a thought struck him, almost.

Joe? Are you all right?

Shit . . . Hull Technician Petty Officer Third Class Joe Buckley was in the makings of a moment of genius. Not Nobel Prize–winning genius but perhaps ass-saving genius.

Hull Technician Joe Buckley? His AIC grew worried. She had never seen Buckley react this way.

'Shit!' Joe screamed at the top of his lungs again. 'Shit, shit, shit and more shit! That's what we have plenty of down here in the shit hole! Shit!' Buckley paused for just a second and smiled like a madman on a mission and hell-bent for something.

'Uh, HT? You okay?' Jimmy asked.

'Fireman's Apprentice, grab that BFW on the console over there and get over here! I want you to beat the flying fuck out of this empty flow pipe at this juncture.' Joe pointed Jimmy to the big fucking wrench and a joint where the DEG liquid metal coolant could be routed to flow through.

Mija, lock off this part of the pipe and flush it, then turn off the SIF on this joint for a moment, he thought to his AIC.

Pipe is empty and SIF is off, HT3 Buckley, Mija responded. There was a faint swooshing sound through the pipe for a split second.

Great.

'Jimmy, start banging!' Joe pointed at the juncture on the pipe.

'If you say so, HT3.' Jimmy grabbed the BFW and started pounding away at the flow conduit juncture. Clang, clang, clang. Clang, clang, clang.

'Mija, I'm going voice so Jimmy can hear this too. Turn the SIF back on in that pipe.' Joe brought up the heat pipe flows in his virtual DTM and highlighted the flow loop on the two forward DEG batteries. 'We've got two sewer plants and one water reservoir on this ship. Mija, how much of that would it take once flushed into the system to cool off and allow us to fire the forward DEGs for a few seconds?'

'Quick and dirty calculations show all of the water and one full sewer plant,' Mija announced over the deck intercom speakers. 'We would need the water in there to keep the sludge from solidifying.'

'Okay. I figured we'd need the water. We have to purge the hot liquid metal out of the pipes now! There is no place to do that quickly but here,' Joe said as he pointed to the pipe that Jimmy had been beating with the big fucking wrench.

'Joe, that will kill us,' Fireman's Apprentice King said in a panic.

'Like we weren't dead already . . . but maybe not if I'm in the shithole,' Joe said. 'Jimmy, get the hell out of here now, that is an order.'

'Joe, we can't fit in there. The biggest openings are only thirty centimeter pipes into the topside of it. And the topside is four stories up,' Mija corrected him.

'I know that, Mija Kitty. Once Jimmy is out you will close off this room including all electronic hatches and exhaust ports. This is gonna be some shit.' Hull Technician Joe Buckley took the big fucking wrench from King and stood in front of the main pressure-drain valve on the bottom of the sewage bladder and started banging the living shit out of it. 'Jimmy, I thought I told you to get the fuck out of here.'

'Sorry, HT. Guess I'm just hardheaded.' Jimmy picked up a second BFW. 'You're gonna need some help to bust that one. It's too big.'

'Suit yourself. But once it goes you get as high as you can on the aft wall. Mija, the instant this deck is filling with shit you purge the heat pipes for the forward DEGs into this room and then flow the water and the shit through the DEG coolant pipes. Got it?'

Joe raised the giant pipe wrench and brought it down against the valve stem at the boot of sewage tank. Clang. Then Jimmy hit it with his giant crescent wrench, clang, then Joe, clang. Clang, clang, clang went the BFWs against the shitter's release valve.

'Goddamnit, let go!' Clang. Buckley hit the valve stem one last time and then ka-thunk went the valve head as it was blown across the room into the far bulkhead from the pressurized sewer bladder. Joe and Jimmy dropped their makeshift hammers and looked for a spot with higher ground. Jimmy made it to the top of some tool shelving on the aft wall of the shithole, but the high-pressure flow coming out of the sewage release valve had him cut off from anything other than standing on the deck.

The SIF fields around the bladder squeezed it inward and forced it empty, throwing a fire-hydrant force flow of human waste across the room. The pressure of the flow ricocheted across the room and quickly washed Buckley off his feet, covering him from head to toe with shit. The pressure burst the nasty brown liquid into his nostrils, ears, eyes, and mouth, choking him.

Joe Buckley swam through the lake of shit as it filled the room with the mixed methane smells of decomposing waste from thirty thousand human beings and he began to lose the fight against the high pressure current and the horrendous stench.