His smile faded quickly. 'Go read a book,' he snapped.
'A dry one,' Diane added. Their peals of laughter trailed after them as they joined the others and headed for the front door.
Catherine came running over to me. 'What are you doing?'
'The sensible thing,' I said. She shook her head and looked toward the others. 'Go on. Don't worry about me. I'm all right.'
'This was supposed to be our night to howl,' she whined.
'We all howl in different ways, I suppose. Why did you let them destroy my speech? I thought we were close friends.'
'It was just a joke. I knew you would be all right,' she said but she averted her gaze.
'Friends protect and look after each other, but I suppose that takes some maturity,' I added dryly.
Her eyes snapped back, full of fire. 'I don't know what to think about you anymore, Pearl. Maybe you're too full of yourself for the rest of us. I'm disappointed,' she added and turned away to hurry after the others. I watched them all leave the house, and for a moment, all the music, all the chatter and the laughter, faded. I heard only Claude's angry words and Catherine's disappointment.
I bit down on my lower lip and sucked back the sobs that clamored to escape. Even though I had eaten, I had a hollow feeling in my stomach.
I looked back at my party. Everyone was having such a good time, and Daddy had never looked younger or happier. Mommy was in a conversation with some of her gallery friends. All of my classmates had gone. Why, on this, the night I was supposed to feel so wonderful, was I standing here feeling devas-tated? I hurried out the side doors and walked down the patio toward the pool and cabana, leaving the jolly sounds of laughter, music, and chatter behind me.
I folded my arms under my breasts and walked slowly with my head down. Suddenly the twins and two of their friends jumped out of the hedges at me, all of them screaming, 'Boo!'
'Get away from me!' I cried harshly.
Pierre's jaw dropped, but Jean kept laughing. 'We were just fooling, Pearl,' Pierre said.
'I don't have the patience for the two of you right now. Leave me alone!' I yelled at them.
'We're sorry,' Pierre said. He seized Jean's arm. 'Come on. Let's go see if we can get some ice cream.'
'What's the matter with her?' Jean asked, confused.
'Let's go,' Pierre ordered. Although Jean was stronger, he obeyed his brother, and the four of them scurried back to the house, leaving me with my shadows.
Above, the sky that had been mostly clear with stars gleaming was growing increasingly overcast. It was as if the clouds were being drawn from one horizon to the other like some great dark curtain to shut out the heavens and shut away the happiness I had experienced this day. I planted myself on a lounge chair and listened to the sounds of the city that drifted over our walls.
'What's wrong, Pearl?' I heard someone say a short while later. I looked up to see Mommy standing in the shadows.
'Nothing.'
She stepped into the pale glow of the patio lights. 'I know you too well, honey, and you know I feel your sadness,' she said. She did, too. We were so close at times, it made Daddy shake his head in wonder. 'I carried you inside me. We're too much a part of each other not to know each other's deepest feelings. What happened?'
I shrugged. 'I said no, and everyone left. They think I'm a goody-goody, a brain without feelings.'
'Oh, I see.' She sat down beside me. In the increasing darkness, her face was hidden in shadow, but her eyes caught the pale light and glimmered with sympathy. 'I know it's painful for you to drive your friends away, but you have to do what your heart tells you is right.
'Once, a long time ago,' she added, 'I said no, and I think I saved my life.'
'Really? What happened?'
'My sister and a boyfriend came by in a car and asked me to go along with them. They had been smoking pot, and I saw they were already high, laughing, being reckless. They thought I was a party pooper, too, and I remember wondering if maybe there wasn't something wrong with me, maybe I was too old for my age.'
'That was the night of the accident that crippled Gisselle?'
'Yes and killed the boy. I'm not saying something terrible has to happen all the time, but you've got to follow your instincts and believe in yourself.'
'It was fun being with Claude sometimes; he's the most popular boy in school. But I didn't have a strong enough feeling for him. The fact is, I haven't had a strong feeling for any boy yet, Mommy. Is that odd? Am I too analytical? Am I just a brain?'
'Of course not,' she said, laughing. 'Why do you have to become seriously involved with someone while you're still so young?'
'You did,' I said quickly and then regretted it.
'It was different for me, Pearl. I came from a different sort of life. I told you that. My childhood was rushed. I wish I had had more time to be young and carefree.'
'But you did fall in love with Daddy soon after you met him, didn't you?'
'I suppose.' Even in the darkness, I could see the tiny smile on her lips as she remembered. 'We had our first
