to cross such a line or even encounter such people.
The continuing orbit brought new signs into view. Fertility Clinics Play God-God Is Angry. A small boy carried a sign obviously printed by someone trying to imitate a child's letter-ing. It read I Know Who My Mommy and Daddy Are, with a couple of letters drawn backward for authenticity. They've covered both sides, Valerie thought. I can't lie my way through. She let go her breath and walked forward.
'Please don't kill your child,' a man in a dark suit said as she passed between the marchers.
'I'm not,' she said. 'I'm just going for a test.' She didn't un-derstand why she felt the need to explain anything at all to him.
A woman stopped to join them. She was older, already gray. She stared at Valerie with a flat, cold gaze. 'There are other clinics you can go to. They'll provide the same tests and give you any counseling you need.'
Valerie pushed her way past the pair. 'Please,' she said. 'I just need a test.' Another woman stepped in her way, smiling warmly. 'We want to help you avoid making a tragic decision. We know you don't want your baby to end up like this.' She turned her sign around to thrust it in Valerie's face. She stared at the bloody, mangled remains of an aborted fetus. The photograph had been printed in the brightest, most lurid colors. Reds, yellows, grisly black tones swirled through the image.
Valerie's vision faltered for a moment. Her breath hung sickly in her lungs, threatening to drop to her stomach in an elevator rush of shock, as if she were watching a real murder on the evening news. A firm hand grasped her arm. 'Back off!' a woman's voice shouted with military intensity. 'You know the rules. You touch anyone or interfere with free passage and your permit goes up in smoke.' Dr. Evelyn Fletcher stared at the assembled group for a long moment before releasing Valerie's arm.
'You use laws to keep us from throwing you off our property. Just be damn sure you follow them yourselves.' She turned to Valerie. 'Come on, miss. The receptionist's right inside.' Picking up her two bags, the doctor led Valerie through the automatic doors. Before they closed, she shot another glance back at the pickets. Her eyes softened from anger to a weary kind of sadness. Turning, she strode silently past the recep-tionist and into her office. ' Valerie always felt uneasy waiting in an examination room. The cool white walls, the antiseptic scent, the indecipherable buzz of voices outside imparted the same sense of mystery and mysticism she had felt since childhood. A doctor's office was like a church. One stepped in from the street into a hushed, different world, with its own unique smells and quiet intrigues. It made sense to her somehow. Priests struggled for the salva-tion of human souls. Doctors fought for the health of the body. Both listened to their charges with the same inscrutable ex- pression.
Valerie had given up attending church long ago. She tried just as much to limit her visits to doctors. She fingered the wad of cotton in the crook of her left arm. Priests want tithes. Doctors demand blood. A crisp set of footsteps approached her door, followed by the zip of a folder being removed from the door tray. A long mo-ment of silence-pierced only by the faint sound of pages turn-ing-ended with the sharp crank of the doorknob.
'Oh-it's you.' The tallish greying woman who had come to Valerie's aid stepped in. 'I'm Dr. Fletcher. Evelyn. May I call you Valerie?'
The doctor extended her hand to her patient. Valerie stood to clasp it, returned the light shake, nodded, and sat down nervously.
'Should I get undressed?' she asked.
Dr. Fletcher shook her head while glancing at the forms in Valerie's folder. 'Not for today. First I want to let you know that our test confirms your home test. It's positive, too. You're pregnant.' She said it without any congratulatory smile, know-ing from the younger woman's demeanor that the answer would not be greeted as the best of news. Valerie's deep breath and slight lowering of the head confirmed her diagnosis.
'What I'd like to discuss with you is your feelings about that and what you'd like to do.' Valerie looked up with wet, panicked eyes. 'This is the wrong time. I don't know what happened. Ron and I use the sponge. It's not supposed to happen. I just got a promotion where I work and I can't see my boss just letting me have a few months off to go have a baby which Ron and I weren't planning to do anyway. I mean, babies are nice and all, but we're not even married and we still haven't been to Europe and you can't just go running around Europe changing diapers and expect to have any fun. Not when you have your whole life ahead of you. We both have to work. I can't take any time off. We wanted to have a honeymoon and all that first-'
Evelyn laid a hand on Valerie's arm. 'The worst thing you can do,' she said slowly, calmly, 'is to feel trapped by preg-nancy. It won't make anything easier. There are options avail-able for you, especially since we caught this at an early stage.'
'I know.' She unconsciously pulled her arm away from Fletcher's touch to restore the customary distance between a patient and her physician.
The doctor nodded toward the door. 'Ignore those boors outside. They're here once in a while when they can get a reporter to show up.' She sat down beside Valerie and took her hand gently. 'Whether to keep or end a pregnancy is one of the hardest decisions a woman can make. You have to deal with all the `what ifs' that arise. And I don't mean the medical uncertainties; a pregnancy termination is a lot safer now than giving birth. I mean your uncertainties.'
The older woman's voice softened. 'When I was about nine-teen, I had an abortion. I was a first-year premed student and couldn't be bothered with pregnancy. I regretted my decision almost immediately afterward. I used to wonder what sort of child I might have had. Pregnancy is the first step on the road to forever. If you decide to give birth to a child, it will affect you all your life.' She looked directly into Valerie's eyes with the gentle gaze of hard experience. 'The decision to terminate the pregnancy will be with you forever, too, though. It's a rare woman that
