'If I'd known you would be so rude to a lady, I should have sent Archibald to speak with you.'
'Perhaps it's fortunate you didn't. I might have kicked him.'
'Captain Parsons, he's a minister of the gospel.'
'Surely it is possible to be that without being a malicious busybody.'
'You're heartless and vain! You're odiously conceited.'
'I should have thought it a proof of modesty that for half an hour I have listened to you with some respect and with great attention.'
'I must say in my heart I'm glad that Providence has stepped in and prevented Mary from marrying you. You are a bad man. And I leave you now to the mercies of your own conscience; I am a Christian woman, thank Heaven! and I forgive you. But I sincerely hope that God will see fit to punish you for your wickedness.'
Mrs. Jackson bounced to the door, which James very politely opened.
'Oh, don't trouble!' she said, with a sarcastic shake of the head. 'I can find my way out alone, and I shan't steal the umbrellas.'
XIII
Major Forsyth arrived in time for tea, red-faced, dapper, and immaculate. He wore a check suit, very new and very pronounced, with a beautiful line down each trouser-leg; and his collar and his tie were of the latest mode. His scanty hair was carefully parted in the middle, and his moustache bristled with a martial ardour. He had lately bought a fine set of artificial teeth, which, with pardonable pride, he constantly exhibited to the admiration of all and sundry. Major Forsyth's consuming desire was to appear juvenile; he affected slang, and carried himself with a youthful jauntiness. He vowed he felt a mere boy, and flattered himself that on his good days, with the light behind him, he might pass for five-and-thirty.
'A woman,' he repeated--'a woman is as old as she looks; but a man is as old as he feels!'
The dandiness which in a crammer's pup--most overdressed of all the human race--would merely have aroused a smile, looked oddly with the Major's wrinkled skin and his old eyes. There was something almost uncanny in the exaggerated boyishness; he reminded one of some figure in a dance of death, of a living skeleton, hollow-eyed, strutting gaily by the side of a gallant youth.
It was not difficult to impose upon the Parsons, and Major Forsyth had gained over them a complete ascendancy. They took his opinion on every possible matter, accepting whatever he said with gratified respect. He was a man of the world, and well acquainted with the goings-on of society. They had an idea that he disappointed duchesses to come down to Little Primpton, and always felt that it was a condescension on his part to put up with their simple manners. They altered their hours; luncheon was served at the middle of the day, and dinner in the evening.
Mrs. Parsons put on a Sabbath garment of black silk to receive her brother, and round her neck a lace fichu. When he arrived with Colonel Parsons from the station, she went into the hall to meet him.
'Well, William, have you had a pleasant journey?'
'Oh, yes, yes! I came down with the prettiest woman I've seen for many a long day. I made eyes at her all the way, but she wouldn't look at me.'
'William, William!' expostulated Mr. Parsons, smiling.
'You see he hasn't improved since we saw him last, Frances,' laughed the Colonel, leading the way into the drawing-room.
'No harm in looking at a pretty woman, you know. I'm a bachelor still, thank the Lord! That reminds me of a funny story I heard at the club.'
'Oh, we're rather frightened of your stories, William,' said Mrs. Parsons.
'Yes, you're very risky sometimes,' assented the Colonel, good-humouredly shaking his head.
Major Forsyth was anecdotal, as is only decent in an old bachelor, and he made a speciality of stories which he thought wicked, but which, as a matter of fact, would not have brought a blush to any cheek less innocent than that of Colonel Parsons.
'There's no harm in a little spice,' said Uncle William. 'And you're a married woman, Frances.'
He told an absolutely pointless story of how a man had helped a young woman across the street, and seen her ankle in the process. He told it with immense gusto, laughing and repeating the point at least six times.
'William, William!' laughed Colonel Parsons, heartily. 'You should keep those things for the smoking-room.'
'What d'you think of it, Frances?' asked the gallant Major, still hugely enjoying the joke.
Mrs. Parsons blushed a little, and for decency's sake prevented herself from smiling; she felt rather wicked.
'I don't want to hear any more of your tales, William.'
'Ha, ha!' laughed Uncle William, 'I knew you'd like it. And that one I told you in the fly, Richmond--you know, about the petticoat.'
'Sh-sh!' said the Colonel, smiling. 'You can't tell that to a lady.'
'P'r'aps I'd better not. But it's a good story, though.'
They both laughed.
'I think it's dreadful the things you men talk about as soon as you're alone,' said Mrs. Parsons.
The two God-fearing old soldiers laughed again, admitting their wickedness.
'One must talk about something,' said Uncle William. 'And upon my word, I don't know anything better to talk about than the fair sex.'
