at the command of his brain. He couldn't trust his body now to perform
even the simplest task-not after it had betrayed him so monstrously.
Had they been waiting at the bridge, the Boers would have killed him
that morning. Without caution he paced slowly down the centre of it,
big and heavily moving in the starlight and his footsteps rang on the
metal.
Under his feet the metal gave way to gravel. He was across.
He kept walking, down the middle of the road, following the gentle
curve towards the dark hills.
He walked on with his terror and the sound of it roared in his head
like the sound of the sea. The sling of his rifle slipped from his
shoulder and the weapon clattered into the road. He stood for a full
minute before he could gather himself to stoop and pick it up.
Then he turned and went back. Pacing slowly, counting his footsteps,
measuring them out-one each second-timing them carefully to prevent
himself from running.
Because if he ran he knew it was finished. He too would never hunt
again.
'You all right?' Saul was waiting.
'Yes.' Sean sank down beside him.
'See anything?
'No.' Saul was staring at him. 'Are you sure you're all right?
Sean sighed. Once before he had been afraid. Fear had come to him in
a caved-in mine-shaft, later he had gone back and left his fear in the
same mine-shaft, and had walked away from it alone. In the same way,
he had hoped to leave it now beyond the river, but this time it had
followed him back. With a certainty he knew that it would never leave
him from now onwards. It would always be near.
I will have to tame it, he thought. I will have to break it to the
halter and the curb.
'Yes, I'm all right,' he answered Saul. 'What's the time?'
'Half-past five. ' 'I'll send Mbejane back now.'
Sean stood up and went to where Mbejane waited with their horses.
He handed Mbejane the small square of green cloth which was the
prearranged signal that neither the bridge nor the town was defended in
force. The red square he replaced in his breast-pocket.
'I will come back,' Mbejane told him.
'No.' Sean shook his head. 'There is nothing for you here.'
Mbejane untied the horses. 'Stay in peace.'
'Go in peace.' Sean was thankful that Mbejane would not be there as
witness, should he break under his new-found fear.
But I must not break, he decided grimly. Today will be the test.
If I can la stout this day, then perhaps I will have tamed it.
He went back to where Saul waited in the darkness, and together they
lay and watched the dawn come on.
The darkness drew back, each minute enlarging the circle of their
vision. Now the upper works of the bridge stood out, a neat
geometrical pattern against the dark bulk of the heights.
Then he could see the patterns of dark bush against pale grass and
rock.
