Her concern only served to make David's guilt deeper.
Almost in an act of desperation they drove one evening down to the
String of Pearls, and leaving the Land Rover they walked hand in hand to
the water's edge.
They found a fallen log screened by reeds and sat quietly together. For
once neither of them had anything to say to each other.
As the big red sun sank to the tree-tops and the gloom thickened amongst
the trees of the grove, the nyala herd came stepping lightly and
fearfully through the shadows.
David nudged Debra, and she turned her head into a listening attitude
and moved a little closer to him as he whispered.
They are really spooky this evening, they look as though they are
standing on springs and I can see their muscles trembling from here. The
old bulls seem to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown, they are
listening so hard their ears have stretched to twice their usual length,
I swear. There must be a leopard lurking along the edge of the reed
bed, he broke off, and exclaimed softly, oh, so that's it?' 'What is it,
David?' Debra tugged at his arm insistently, her curiosity spurring her.
A new fawn! David's delight was in his voice. One of the does has
lambed. Oh God, Debra! His legs are still wobbly and he is the palest
creamy beige- He described the fawn to her as it followed the mother
unsteadily into the open. Debra was listening with such intensity, that
it was clear the act of birth and the state of maternity had touched
some deep chord within her.
Perhaps she was remembering her own dead infant. Her grip on his arm
tightened, and her blind eyes seemed to glow in the gathering dusk, and
suddenly she spoke.
Her voice low, but achingly clear, filled with all the longing and
sadness which she had suppressed.
I wish I could see it, she said. Oh God! God Let me see. Please, let
me see! and suddenly she was weeping, great racking sobs that shook her
whole body.
Across the pool the nyala herd took fright, and dashed away among the
trees. David took Debra and held her fiercely to his chest, cradling
her head, so her tears were wet and cold through the fabric of his
shirt, and he felt the icy winds of despair blow across his soul.
He re-wrote the letter that night by the light of a gas lamp while Debra
sat across the room knitting a jersey she had promised him for the
winter and believing that he was busy with the estate accounts. David
found that he could repeat the words of the ari nal letter perfectly and
it took him only a few minutes to complete and seal it.
Are you working on the book tomorrow morning? he asked casually, and
when she told him she was, he went on. I have to nip into Nelspruit for
an hour or two.
David flew high as though to divorce himself from the earth. He could
not really believe he was going to do it. He could not believe that he
was capable of such sacrifice. He wondered whether it was really
possible to love somebody so deeply that he would chance destroying that
love for the good of the other, and he knew that it was, and as he flew
on southwards he found that he could face it at last.
