the end of the terrace out of the wind, in the mild winter sunlight.
I've been expecting you for a week now, she told him. Ever since the
book was published. I knew it would set you on fire. It's just too
damned explosive, even I wept like a leaky faucet for a couple of days,
she giggled shyly. You'd hardly believe it possible, would you?
That book was us, Debra and me, David told her. She was writing about
us. Yes, Ella agreed, but it does not alter the decision she had made.
A decision which I think is correct, by the way. She described exactly
how I felt, Ella. All the things I felt and still feel, but which I
could never have put into words. It's beautiful and it's true, but
don't you see that it confirms her position.
But I love her, Ella, and she loves me, he cried out violently.
She wants it to stay that way. She doesn't want it to die, she doesn't
want it to sicken. He began to protest, but she gripped his arm in a
surprisingly powerful grip to silence him. She knows that she can never
keep pace with you now. Look at you, David, you are beautiful and vital
and swift, she must drag you back, and in time you must as certainly
resent it. Again he tried to interrupt, but she shook his arm in her
huge fist. You would be shackled, you could never leave her, she is
helpless, she would be your charge for all your life, think on it,
David. I want her, he muttered stubbornly.
I had nothing before I met her, and I have nothing now. That will
change. Perhaps she has taught you something and young emotions heal as
swiftly as young flesh.
She wants happiness for you, David. She loves you so much that her gift
to you is freedom. She loves you so much that for your sake she will
deny that love. Oh, God, he groaned.
If only I could see her, if I could touch her and talk to her for a few
minutes. She shook her massive head, and her jowls wobbled dolefully.
She would not agree to that. Why, Ella, tell me why? His voice was
rising again, desperate with his anguish.
She is not strong enough, she knows that if you came near her, she would
waver and bring even greater disaster upon you both. They sat silently
together then and looked out across the lake. High mountains of cloud
rose up beyond the heights of Golan, brilliant white in the winter
sunlight, shaded with blue and bruised grey, and range upon range they
bore down upon the lake. David shivered as an icy little wind came
ferreting across the terrace and sought them out.
He drank the rest of his beer, and then revolved the glass slowly
through his fingers.
Will you give her a message from me, then? 'he asked.
I don't think Please, Ella. just this one message. She nodded.
Tell her that what she wrote in the book is exactly how much I love her.
Tell her that it is big enough to rise above this thing. Tell her that
I want the chance to try. She listened quietly, and David made a
groping gesture with his hands as though to pluck words from the air
that might convince her.
Tell her- he paused, then shook his head. No, that's all. just tell
her I love her, and I want to be with her. All right, David. I'll tell
her. And you will give me her answer? Where can I reach you? He gave
